March 9 – I AM OFFICIALLY A MOM

Hallelujah – Praise God! What a difference a day makes. Yes – you read right. I went to court today – my preliminary hearing was at 11am. There was a court hearing before mine with a Spanish couple who was on court #5. They had more problems (please pray for this couple – they are wonderful people and don’t deserve what they are going through) and on top of that – the jurors were tired of the judge’s shenanigans so they decided to leave. Which meant, my court could not start until they found more jurors. But, the judge went out and found 2 jurors (they worked at the courthouse) and we started around 11:15. We had the preliminary hearing – which lasted about 20 minutes. Then, my translator applied for the real court – and the judge said “why not”. So, at 11:55 we started my “real” court. Everything we heard about this judge was horrible, and some of the questions she asked were weird – but for the most part there was no trouble. The only thing that came up was an address was misspelled – an “o” instead of an “a” in one of the documents – but the prosecutor told her it was a technical mistake as the “o” was handwritten. The court erupted into a battle zone for a few minutes – but that was it. From my experience – my court was long (nearly 5 hours) – but not bad at all. At times – the jurors fell asleep – which I thought was kind of funny. My court ended around 3:40 – but not before the judge had to decide twice if she would grant custody. As she read the statement – and I realized what she was saying – I started crying. This child is now mine. My translator was so nervous all day – to the extent she was driving me crazy with bombardment of questions the judge “may” ask. None of which she did. For the most part – as I mentioned in the previous blog – I just felt defeated. I.e. – I let go. When will I learn?

I cried a couple a times during court when they were talking about how no-one had visited or wanted Zoey. That is so hard to hear. I want this child – I wanted her since she was born. It was as if she were an object and not a child. I have never met Zoey’s biological mother – but I will forever be grateful to her. I will pray for her every night that she knows this child is loved, cared for and happy.

I went to see Zoey after court – and all the caregivers had already heard. They hugged me and were jumping up and down. They said they were sad – but so happy for Zoey. That will be a hard day when I take her from the orphanage.

I have sat here trying to decide if I should post the blog I was writing over the last few days. I have decided I will post as that was what was occurring to me over the last week. To see how down I was over the last few days – to this miracle that was granted to me today. A miracle only God could have orchestrated. Why am I so hardheaded?

If all goes as planned – we pick up the court decree on March 21. Get her passport and birth certificate – then leave for Kiev on the 22nd. Hopefully we can get the medical exam and embassy trip for her visa on the 23rd and leave to come home on the 24th-25th- or 26th – depending on the airlines. More prayers for a quick trip home!!!!

March 10 – The Day After
I went to upload my blog today – and a new person was tending the internet café and he would not let me upload the blog. I will just keep updating until I the regular guy back.

I arrived at the orphanage today only to get sad news. After my court, there were two couples waiting for court. The Spanish couple – to finish their court, and an American couple who was on their third court attempt. I found out the American couple “had more problems” and was not granted custody, and the Spanish couple was told to come back next week because it was so late when the American couple finished. Both couples will have court on next Tuesday. The Spanish couple started their adoption in October – and they are still having problems. For both couples – their problems are with the birth mother search (or so they are told). It is craziness.

All day – I felt so horrible as I knew the American couple had court at 1pm. And, during breaks I spoke with them and knew they were stressed that my court would go too long and they would get put off again. I got such a stress migraine yesterday because I knew we were going so long. I felt horrible. And still do. But, I realize there was nothing I could do.

I am so thankful to God for the miracle He granted me. No one has ever had just one court in this courthouse. The director of the orphanage called my translator and asked what “special” did she do as this had never happened. We did nothing but pray. No thank you’s were given. No begging. Just God and his mighty mercy that he softened this judges heart for approximately 5 hours.

Oddly enough – two new couples came to the orphanage yesterday afternoon and this morning and they had already heard my story. All the translators are wanting my translator’s phone number so they can know what she did. She even told them “we prayed to God”! There are now approximately 10 adopting parents here at our orphanage. Several are single women – and like me – they only got one referral – and it was at this orphanage. We are like one big family and have become so close through the ordeals of court. I will really miss these new friends but we all have plans to keep in touch. Though this has been tough – it has been a great visiting with everyone at play and snack time.

Zoey is a handful. We are trying to prepare ourselves for the plane ride. She is a nosy little girl and a busy body. She goes to everyone else’s play area rather than staying in hers and playing with her toys. She goes to take everyone else’s food and toys. And, she hates being told no. My mom is getting a kick out of me chasing this kid all over the orphanage. Today – I took her back to her groupa – and she started kicking and screaming and trying to get me to take her. When I said no – I have to go – she dropped on the floor and did the kick and scream episode. I don’t know what that caregiver said – but it was stern and she stopped on a dime. I have to find that out before I leave. Anyway – after they took her away – the caregiver came back and told me I needed to spank her. Anyway – I got a kick out of how she communicated this to me. “Mama” – as she took her hand and swatted the backside of another caregiver and said “Mama – to Rada” – she kept doing it till I said hradashol. (OK) Of course, I am not going to spank her – we will do time outs soon enough.

Well, that’s all for now. Hopefully I will be in Dallas soon! I am counting down the days!

March 4 - 8 – The Bad, The Worse, The Miserable

That title might describe my attitude. But, maybe not. My court is still scheduled for March 9 – but wouldn’t you know – we still do not have all the paperwork needed. I have left so many details out on my blog – mainly because what we are dealing with here is a troubled environment. I will speak my mind today. This is ridiculous. Linda tells me I need to be positive – but the hoops we are jumping through to please this woman are too high and too many. The prosecutor and board of education said we had all necessary paperwork, have done the proper birth mom search (we have done this 3 times now), have even gathered paperwork we do not need to please the judge, still she wants more. It is never-ending. It is so frustrating as one day – we have everything we need, then the next day – we need something else. ARGH. Also, we found out March 9 is a preliminary court – not the actual court that will count down the 10 days…..NO – I DON’T KNOW WHAT A FREAKING PRELIMINARY COURT IS OR WHY IT IS NECESSARY. I just know it is “required” by this judge – to see the family and make sure all paperwork is in order before the “real” court begins. Never mind we have been working with her to ensure all paperwork is adequate for her. Now I find out I will have to apply for “real” court after the preliminary hearing.

On top of that – may anyone who comes to this country never have to go to the hospital. I have had an ear infection since early February thinking it might just go away. Well, my ears started bleeding and I was coughing up blood and I knew it called for drastic measures. The doctors are at the hospital and everything is all just mixed in. Radiology is next door to the pediatrician, surgery room is next to the ENT, just all random. I actually went to a pediatrician today. But, he turned out to be a decent doctor. I already knew the problems I had as they were recurring and he diagnosed them pretty quick. He concluded my problems were from my nose and throat – which is true as I have bad sinus problems. But, let’s just say they don’t have modern equipment and testing is done using apparatus from the 20s. He used to long needles to stick up my nose to test the sinus cavity – I thought I would die. They took an X-ray of my head (don’t ask) – and the equipment was so scary. But, I had to do this in order to get the meds. I got to keep the X-ray – and it is very interesting. There was a mass in my forehead – and I got scared it was a tumor. But, he showed me it was normal. Whew….. Anyway, there were so many people in this hospital – all like the walking wounded. Some looked like they were on their last leg. After I left – I started freaking about TB – as I have read they have high occurrences here. Joy………….

On top of that (again) – the weather is crazy. One day hot (that’s relative now as 40 seems hot to me), the next day snow, then rain, then snow, then slush, then rain, then it is muddy, then snow again. Today – we have had it all!

Just so I don’t seem as bitter as I might sound, the best thing about this trip is my little precious angel. She is so cute. She is bonding well. She is growing and flourishing. Dr. Yuri was back here on the 6th testing for another couple and saw her again and said she had changed tremendously from when he checked her out a month ago. I know this child is worth the hell I am living. I don’t ever show my irritability around her. I asked my translator to not give me news at the orphanage anymore. I just don’t want her to catch a glimpse of the frustration and disappointment. I had every opportunity to walk away from here and this whole adoption – but I chose to stay for her. And, choose to stay until we go home. I don’t like it. I hate more than anything that this situation has overshadowed the joyfulness of this occasion. Maybe it is my fault for letting the situation and surroundings get to me. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

But, for whatever reason, I am having to deal with this particular situation. My prayer is I don’t walk away bitter. It is very hard not to be. This whole adoption has been so hard. It took almost 2 years. I had to wait 10 months for the appointment, then it was cancelled and I had to wait 42 days for a new appointment. Then, having to deal with the crap of this region. I know life is not easy and one shouldn’t expect any special favors – but I can’t help but think I am due. I am only human and the feelings I have may disappoint others – but until you have walked in my shoes – no judging. On one hand, God has been very gracious and I am blessed beyond means to have this particular child. She is beautiful, healthy, very active, and exceeds my expectations of what I thought I “deserved”. But, sometimes I think why did God feel the need to test me beyond my limits. He took my fertility. And, I waited so long for this happen – and everything that could went wrong. Why did he feel the need to allow this situation to occur? These days I feel so defeated by this whole event. Did He not think I would appreciate this child? Did He not think I would think she is worth it? Only those who have been through this process would know how it is a whole testament of faith. I had the faith so strong in the beginning – now I feel I just exist day to day. I don’t mean to sound like I am whining (but maybe I am) – I am ready to be home.

I wish there was something exciting to post. But really there isn’t. Today is woman’s day here and everything is closed. I am just hoping all goes well tomorrow and we can get a real court date – and it goes well so we can get home.

Just a Quick Update

I have several blog updates to post - but the internet cafe wised up to what I was doing and now have disabled the USB ports. Ooops - my bad. Anyway - We had court on March 9 - and I am the official mama to Zoey Alyssa Hanks. The judge told me I could not give her back! Mom and I still laugh at that - we think she may have met her. : ) She is such a hard-headed little toot - but you will be happy to know that I have many years ahead of her on the hard-headedness and strong will - so I have won most battles thus far.

We are suppose to get the court decree on the 21st - then spend the day getting the birth certificate and passport. Then, we are planning on leaving for Kiev on the 22nd. Then, leave for DALLAS, TEXAS on March 25th. This whole plan hinges on the judge getting us our court decree on the 21st in the morning. If it is that afternoon - then we might get pushed back a day or two - then have to worry about airline availabilty. But, we are praying we get the decree on morning of 21st.

I will post my blogs about court and following days once I get to Kiev! Until then - Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

March 3 – Another Month in Ukraine

Well, let’s see. When I met Zoey on February 6 – she weighed 8 kilos and was 75 centimeters tall. On Tuesday February 28 – she weighed 8.7 kilos and was 78 cm tall!!!!! Look at that – a little growth spurt from love and food. I give her 2 snacks each day – milk, yogurt, crackers/biscuits, and fruit. She loves her food and looks forward to those snacks. She is so cute. I give her raisins sometimes, and I let her pick them from my hand. So, now she tells me she wants raisins or a snack by holding out her hand and acting like she is picking raisins from her hand – then she tries to get my attention. It is so cute. Of course she is smiling and flashing those long lashes at me – awwww – how could I say no? Also, when she knows it is snack time – she runs to the couch and “assumes the position” and is so excited. We get such a kick out of that!

Well, I got news yesterday that my court date is on March 9. I need prayers big time for this date. 1) The judge will soften her heart. 2) She will show up. She has not showed up for some court appointments and has been horrid to people. That is about all I know right now. Also, March 8 is Woman's Day and we have been told people usually take the next day off too. So, I am not feeling too positive about this.

We got a burst of spring last week (it was in the 30s) - now it is snowing, icy and frigid again. We have moved to a new apartment that is much cheaper than where we were. But, the other apartment was better. We are warm and well - so can't complain.

Also, at this new apartment they had scales. I have lost 15 lbs!!!!! Yeah me! That is drinking 2 cokes a day and too many M&Ms to count. So, I am cutting out the M&Ms - to see how much that helps. Yeah me again!

Again - prayers, prayers, prayers needed. God has to intervene for this miracle to occur.

Introducing Zoey Hanks

Feb 27 - Just another day in paradise

Weekend – February 25/26
OK it is Sunday night and I will recap the weekend. It came and went. (HA – Just kidding). Actually, Saturday night we met up with the McCue’s and went to the big city of Dnipropetrovs’k. To meet up with another American (Laura and Chris Kennedy) here adopting from my orphanage – they have been here since November. Oye….. We had a nice time. Mom was excited to ride in a car. I was excited to meet up and have something to eat other than the café we go to daily. Which is awesome food – but I wanted something different than Ukrainian food. We had Italian. It was good. Also, as we were walking in the city – all those stores beckoned me. Shops. S omething we don’t have a lot of here in the village. Also, at the restaurant they had EuroMTV on and I got to see JLOs new video. Also, a new Whitney Houston video. What is happening over there? Then, I hear Brangelina is due in May? Geez – I have 10 weeks worth of People magazine sitting on my counter – I will probably never get to read those now……

Today and yesterday Zoey was so good. She just wanted to cuddle – which is different as she is usually on the go. She has a runny nose and just wants to be held. I love it – so I am very happy to hold her. Usually I chase her and run her up and down stairs. Don’t have to worry about the M&Ms I am still eating – cause I burn those off in 15 minutes with her. Speaking of which, I gave her two M&Ms today and mom was appalled. I found out they get chocolate once a week in the orphanage (it is a chocolate equivalent to a milky way – about an inch long) – so 2 M&Ms won’t kill her. : )

Today I also met the Kennedy’s little boy – oh my gosh – he is beautiful. Blond hair – big blue eyes. He is a doll. But, I am still very partial to my little princess.

Zoey loves music and loves to sing. And, she loves to hear me sing! (Yes, Jeff – she thinks I can sing!!!) I took my MP3 player out last week and introduced her to 50 Cent! Not sure she was impressed – just wait till I get her home and put it on surround sound! : ) (just kidding)

Oh did I tell everyone because of all the stress – I have been having migraines daily – and have run out of my medication. Luckily, mom brought some and I have resorted to using it. (she only had 5 pills though) I took a prescription to the pharmacy tonight – and they don’t have anything similar. Ouch. I am running out of my thyroid meds and other meds too. We need to get home soon.

Well, I am just sitting here listening to my MP3. I miss home so much. I feel so disconnected. When I call people – and ask what is going on – they say “nothing – how is it going with you”….. I need news. We don’t have CNN – only BBC – which is EU connected – so we don’t get a lot of US news. Also, without internet access – we are very out of the loop. I feel like I have lost 10 weeks of my life. We are both so ready to be home. Mother reads me a daily devotional about speaking positive – then all it takes is the afternoon trip to the orphanage and walking through the mud, trash, muck and ice – then her tune changes. I have to remind her of the passage for the day – then we laugh.

Linda has started going with me to the orphanage to visit Zoey – so she can bond. In the afternoon – the visit is only an hour and she claims she wants the exercise too. That she gets.
Also, hopefully I don’t repeat myself on the blog. We feel like we are in a Simpson’s episode. Right outside the village there is a HUGE power plant and I crack up when I see it. Reminds me of Springfield. : ) As we walk along each day – I hum the tune to the Simpson’s and it makes us laugh. It just looms over the whole village. I hate to think my baby is breathing that mess. Each night, mom makes me close my bedroom door so the “fumes or whatever it emits” do not reach her.

Monday - February 27
Still waiting on a court date. Zoey was sick today - fever, cough and runny nose. I am told it is my fault because I let her on the floor. Anyway - I will leave the internet cafe and go to the pharmacy to get her something. The orphanage doctor gave me a list. I will update more later - the judge didn't work today. Never mind we ran hoops to get paperwork here - and she is not even here. Again - I digress.............................................................

Also, in one of my previous posts I talked about a couple of little boys I fell in love with. Well, I met the parents of one of the little boys today. They are back in Dnipro for court on Wednesday and they are from California. I am so happy he has a family. He is the sweetest little boy ever. Maybe the other two have families on their way too.

Well, I will update again when I know what is up with the court date. Until then - Happy March to all!

Lessons Learned

Friday – February 24, 2006.
Days in Ukraine – 63. Days going out of my mind – 61. I must admit the first two days were “exciting” till I found out my appointment was cancelled. For the longest time – I thought God is teaching me something – and obviously I am missing the point. Patience – yes I need patience. Who doesn’t? And, I must say I am proud of myself for the patience I have exhibited.

Last night – I think one all important lesson hit me. No man is an island. I am 36 years old and spend a lot of time by myself. Mainly because I want to and it is easier. But, I am use to traveling alone, eating alone, being alone at home, doing things for myself. I never ask anyone for anything unless I am desperate. I hate asking people for money – even a quarter for the coke machine at work. If I borrow a quarter – I pay it back immediately to the tune of “why are you worried about paying me a quarter back?” I have NEVER wanted to owe anyone anything. I hate to ask people to help me – I don’t know why.

When I started this adoption, I didn’t want anyone to know what I was doing. I didn’t want to hear anyone’s opinions. And, because of the risk, I didn’t want people to pity me if things went wrong. So, I kept it small – very close friends and immediate family. Then, I needed prayer requests – and time went on so I opened the circle to close friends. I also thought while in Ukraine I could do this by myself – but I found out the hard way I can’t. I have needed support – and it has come to me in the most unexpected ways. So many people have opened their lives, their hearts and their prayers to me – and I am just learning how to accept that. And, I am amazed at what people will do in the time of need to help someone they don’t even know. It opens my heart to tell this wonderful child that there are exceptional people in this world – and you don’t have to search far to find them. I can’t began to explain the myriad ways people have helped me. And I wonder how I could ever thank these people? It is in my nature to repay – but I don’t know how I could ever repay the kindness of these people.

This district of the Dnipropetrovs’k region is so difficult. I could have never expected all this to happen nor have I been prepared for amount of additional paperwork that is needed. The judge has asked for paperwork, which the embassy provided – then she stated she would not accept because the embassy is working to get me out of here. So, the $500 trip to Kiev to get a rush on paperwork for her – which she stated could come from the embassy – was a waste. This is what I am dealing with here. I provided proof of home ownership – she said it was not certified. (although it is from the tax authority and official) – so we had to get another document back home. Along with 4 other documents. It has been so stressful. These documents were not required as part of the adoption process for the NAC. I was approved to adopt and my paperwork is in order. The judge here is just a slight bit off.

I have also learned another lesson. When I started this process – I told myself I wanted a girl so bad, that I could never love a boy. Geez – I am messed up! : ) Don’t get me wrong – I love my Zoey and thank God for her daily. Oh how blessed I am to have her and I am happy with her. But, there are several little boys in her groupa who I see daily and have fallen in love with them. I want them all. The more I stay here – the harder it gets. Because I am becoming attached to these little boys too. I never should have started playing with them (I do this when they change Zoey or are getting her ready or when I take her back). But, it is so hard when you see these kids and they just crave a hug and attention. I will not turn my back on a child in need. I can’t. I hurt so bad for these kids because they desperately want touching and love, and they deserve it. I wish I could pack the lot of them up and charter a flight back home – but it just isn’t reality.
So that is my thoughts for the day. Zoey is getting attached to me. I can tell. One problem though that I see already is that she will go to anyone easily. I don’t want her to do that. Another thing, she gravitates toward men – like anytime other men are in the room with their kids – she runs to them and puts her hands up. I don’t like that – as I think she needs to be cautious of people. We will work on that.

Each day when she sees me – she gets so excited. She trips, squeals, claps, runs – it is funny to watch. She takes off without the caregivers and runs to her momma – I just love her. I can’t wait to get her home and show her off.

Daily Life in Dnipropetrovs’k (i.e. Siberia)

We are “living” about 30 minutes from the city center of Dnipropetrovs’k in an area that looks like the ghetto. But, it is deceiving as the insides of these apartments are really nice. But it is funny how there is nothing, then all of a sudden a bunch of apartment buildings, with little booth markets all around. As with the rest of Ukraine, you have to go to several places before you get all you need. But, we have lucked out – we have a “micro Wal-Mart”. It has a food store, bank, deli, clothes, etc – so we have all decided we like it because it feels a little like home. The area we are in is blanketed by snow and forests – and just feels like Siberia. There is a restaurant we go to and it sits off by itself and just reminds us of old Russia. This café has live music every night from 7 to midnight. Yeehaw! I think not – they are horrible and loud. We have decided not to eat there anymore at night. Actually it is good Ukrainian food, just bad music.

The internet cafes here are horrible. Any time of day we go, kids are playing games. Speaking of which, I had a moment on Sunday (2/12) at the internet café. I lost it. The access was slow. People were smoking – although no smoking signs were up, and I was trying to print one of the documents the prosecutor thinks I need (though no where else these documents are required). Anyway, it wouldn’t print and the guy was trying to print – and I thought he was reading the document – so I went off on him and his internet store. I even said some very ugly words. Ooops. Mother just buried her head. Anyway, I felt bad – he finally got the document to print. Then, there was an error on it and he had to change some words and reprint. He did it kindly. When we left, I offered him some extra money for his troubles and my yelling – but he wouldn’t take it. (A first in Ukraine) I finally after a few minutes got him to take it – but I felt horrible.
I am amazed I haven’t done worse yet. I am seriously sick of this place and want to be home. I bet my dog forgets who I am. Again – I digress……..

Back to Zoey. I love that child. She is getting very secure with me. Lets me give her kisses, she lays her head on my shoulder, she cries when she has to go back to groupa. I just can’t get enough of her. I hate leaving her at that place. The other kids are jealous and hit her and push her cause she has a momma now. She came out with scratches on her face the other day – they told me the other kids did it. I hate to think they are mean to my baby.

For Valentine’s Day I bought the kids some cookies and fruits and the caregivers some chocolate. The caregivers were so excited. Silly me – I was caught up in the fact I have to go Kiev to the American Embassy for paperwork – that I forgot to get Zoey something.
Oh well, her birthday this year will be the biggest bash ever!

Until I blog again……..Dasvedunya!

Leaving on a Slow Train, don’t know when I will be back again…….

Wednesday – Feb 15
Last night (Happy Valentines to me – the 14th) I had to take an overnight train to Kiev to be at the American Embassy before noon on the 15th. Seems the judge here in Dnipropetrovs’k does not like the paperwork that was approved by the NAC. (never mind I never could have adopted without the proper paperwork – I digress again…..) The judge here wants some crazy paperwork that is impossible to get or non-existent. One thing, an official document stating I have never been married. Another, proof my licensed social worker can do a home study for adoptions. Proof the Embassy will give Zoey a passport. My will – with the guardian for Zoey present (good thing it is my mother). And some other docs I am forgetting right now. It is so crazy. We have met several couples here who have been in the adoption process since Sept, Oct, and Nov – and still do not have all the “correct” paperwork. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!

Kiev was cold and snowy today. I arrived at 6:10am – and we hit the road the running. We had to go to a café until the embassy opened. Once I got inside the embassy – I felt relieved. As close to the USA as I will get over here. Everyone was so nice and helpful. It took 30 minutes to get 6 documents in English and Ukrainian. (and didn’t cost a thing) I had to sign off on a few things – then we left to have the documents notarized and legalized. (geez – don’t get me started) Anyway, I caught a train back to Dnipropetrovs’k and was back at 9pm. What a day.

I did not get to see my precious baby today – can’t wait to see her tomorrow.
Yesterday I had a moment. I called my translator and told her I was going home. I couldn’t do this any more. I have said it once and will say it again – this is the hardest thing I have ever done. NOTHING is convenient and everything has to be expedited. I am so sick of it. But on the train ride home tonight, I was thinking about all the kids and one in particular (Zoey) --- she gets to get out of here and will have a life. And attention and love. She is very lucky. How she ever got registered I will never know. This orphanage does not put kids on the registry often, and most people won’t come here because of all the BS. I cried when I found out what region she was in – but I did not have a choice – and I am glad I did not. In the end – she melts my little heart. I need prayers because I don’t know how much more I can be here and I need strength – but I will be until she can go home with me.

Thursday – Feb 16
Oh what a day!!!!! I went to the orphanage to see Zoey – and when she came out she was smiling and screaming with happiness to see her momma. She came running up to me – it was so sweet. I guess she did notice that I was gone. I picked her up and she had peed her pants. They don’t allow the kids to wear diapers when they are in their group. Basically, after they eat and drink, they are required to sit on the potty until they go. It is funny to see 15 potties in a row with 15 kids sitting on them. So, we got her changed and out we went to play. After playing a while she gets tired, so I started singing to her today. She just laid there and let me rock her until she fell asleep. Then, she awoke, put her head on my shoulder, and went to sleep. I rocked her for a while then sat with her. Then decided to take her to her bed. When I got back to her groupa – the other kids started hitting on her and awoke her. She screamed bloody murder – then was awake.

Last weekend I bought her some new shoes, but the only ones I could find were expensive. The shoes she was wearing were too tight for her feet. But, I didn’t want to leave the shoes there or they might disappear. Anyway, today I put them on her – and as I was getting ready to leave I was about to take them off and she screamed and cried big ole tears. So, she got to keep them. When I came back in the afternoon – she had them on. But, when I went to undress her and pull off her pants – I had to remove a shoe and she wailed again.

Also, the other kids have started hitting and scratching her because she has a momma. I am about to kick some 2-3 year old butts. They are so mean to her. She is also the youngest in the groupa – so I just know they pick on her. There is one little girl who is nice to her – there are only 3 or 4 girls in her groupa – the other 11 or so are boys.

Friday – February 17
Actually, we had a warm up today. -18. I think I am getting use to the cold. That walk at 9:15am to the orphanage will do it to you. Although this afternoon, the wind was blowing and it was brutal.

I have a couple of gripes I need to get off my chest – then on to Zoey. First, each apartment we have stayed at it has been cold on the inside with not good heating. However, at our current residence – it is so hot in the apartment – I am sweating. As I sit here and type – I have a window open and it is still hot. It is miserably hot. When Linda says it is hot and she opens a window – you know it is hot. Next, with all the walking and lack of meals, my clothes do not fit. Can’t find a belt. And, all my pants are sagging. We took some photos of me – then laughed because my pants are resting on my hips. However, it is starting to tick me off. In my situation, I can’t afford to buy new clothes and you would not believe how expensive clothes are here. I can get a loaf of bread for .02 cents, a 20 oz coke for about .40 cents, washing detergent for .55 cents, 15 bananas for $1.00 and a large bag of jolly green giant mixed vegetables for .45 cents. But the other day, I saw this cute sweater – and thought I would buy it – until I priced it. $85. And, jeans are really expensive here – in the $100 range. Ho-hummm. Also, why does Colgate toothpaste cost $2.49 in the US and $.90 here? Anyone?

Today – Zoey was quite. Until we called a friend so he could talk to her – then she screamed. For the most part – she just played and tried to get her way. One thing I noticed is that she likes to play by herself. There are other kids there (other families adopting) and she doesn’t like to play with them. She will move off to a corner and play quietly. I wonder if it has to do with all kids in her groupa being mean to her and it is her way of protecting herself? I tried to get her to play – but mostly the kids do not share. I am going to have to work on that. Especially since she is an only child and we will be hanging together for a while.

Nothing much else happened today. My translator got my paperwork approved by the NAC yesterday and will be back in Dnipropetrovs’k on Sunday to appeal to the court on Monday for a court date. Prayers for a quick court date.

Saturday and Sunday – Feb 18/19
Nothing exciting this weekend. Saturday it snowed, rained and sleeted all in one afternoon. This made for a miserable walk to the orphanage Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning. But, I made it. It was actually warm today (Sunday). And, the snow is melting. This makes slush, which becomes black muck, which gets all over you. Oh joy.

I am having another moment today. I am so ready to be home. It is hard trying to bond with Zoey as there are 4 other families and their kids and all we get is a hallway to play with them. The kids hit and push. Zoey has started hitting and biting me when she doesn’t get her way. It is hard to control in the setting we are in. Ho hummmmmm.

Geez, I’d click my heels 3 times even if it landed me in Kansas. I just know I can walk to Dallas from there. Straight shot down I35! I want to be home so bad.

That is it. I am hoping we get hear news this week on a court date.

Depressed

I have several updates on my memory stick, but the guy will not let me put on the computer - so I will have to post them when I can. Meanwhile - I am very depressed. I have no court date in sight and am running out of money. I have prayed - and no answers come. I don't know what God is doing - but my time is running out. My 171 expires April 12 - at that point if I have not had court - it is over. I have to come home without this child. The judge is making up documents to ask for. This is the most corrupt place I know. I don't know how much more I can cry. It is at the end. I don't know what else I can do.

I ask for prayers. God has not heard - maybe he will hear other people? It is that bad here. I can't believe that God would bring me here - place this child in my hands - then not finish it. I don't need grand finales - I just need a court date and for all to go well.

I don't even feel I can attach to this child cause I am afraid I will lose her.

Day 5 – In a Routine

Over the ice paths, through the slums, to Zoey’s orphanage I go…. I now have a daily routine. I get up at 8:30am, get dressed, and then walk to the orphanage. (never mind it has been in the -20s here for the last 5 days) The orphanage is about 1.3 miles from the apartment – and it takes me between 12 and 15 minutes to get there. Yes – I am hauling it – it is so cold it hurts. But, this region is so expensive. The driver was wanting me to pay $50 a day for the two trips to the orphanage – which is less than 5 minutes by car. I told him no thank you. Kiev was so much cheaper than here.

I visit Zoey from 9:30 to 12:00, then 3:30ish to 5pm. When I come home for lunch, I take a nap. There is nothing else to do here – so a nap is a welcome reprieve. We are not close to the actual city – the orphanage is about 30 minutes by car from the city – so we would have to pay about $30 to get into city – then the same back. It is not worth it – although we plan to splurge this weekend to do some shopping for Zoey and her groupa.

Mother and I want to be home so bad right now – I can’t even explain the pain of being here. But, I will at a later time. We are quickly running out of money – and I am very worried about that. Prayers for a quick court date – and waive of the 10 days.

Zoey and I are in a routine as well. We play from 9:30 to 10:30; have snack from 10:30 to 11:00; then play some more till noon. Around 11:30 to 11:45 she gets fussy – as it is getting close to nap time and sister needs her sleep. They told me to come at 4pm in the afternoon – but I have been getting there around 3:30 – so they let me have her then. Although they literally pluck her from the bed and hand her to me. I do diaper duty, dress her – then we go have a snack. Then play some more. She is usually in a fussy mood as she is just waking – so afternoon it takes her some time to warm up.

On Thursday, mom went with me to the afternoon visit. I kept telling her about the little tantrums, and mom thought – no way. Sure enough, Linda got front row seats for the “I am not getting my way – so I will throw myself on the floor and kick and scream” event. It’s kind of funny. But, the caregivers don’t like it.

Luba has worked really hard to have all paperwork completed by Friday – so that on Monday we can go to court and request a court date. I hope and pray the judge is on our side and we get in and get out SOON. Please pray for quick results and no hold-ups so we can get home.

Day 2 – Getting Acquainted with Each Other

Today – we had to do a medical exam to be certified in the region. So, Zoey had to give some blood. It was horrible watching them take her blood. She was crying – I was telling them they were hurting her – and they were telling me something – probably to shut up and get out (couldn’t tell – Russian). But, I didn’t. They couldn’t get blood – so they started twisting her arm – geez where did the nurse get her degree? They finally got their 4 vials of blood. We had to go early, and Luba decided they didn’t need me, so I got to spend time with Zoey from 8am till noon.

Well……easy going Rada (aka Zoey Alyssa) was putting on the cute, sweet and innocent act yesterday! : ) Today – the fits came out. They say you wind up with a child like you – how in the world did this happen??? Miss Priss tried me several times today. In the morning – we played with musical toy till we got bored (20 minutes), then the baby doll that laughs (5 minutes), then the book (2 minutes). So, then we walked about the orphanage. I must say – the orphanage I am at is pretty lenient and let me have the run of the floor – but there isn’t much to do roaming the halls – and Zoey wanted to go into every room when we saw doors.
Mommy (aka – Jennifer) – “ Nyet” – my new favorite word.
Zoey – “nyet” – her most used word.
Imagine this conversation at every door. Then, after her “nyet” – she sat on the floor – then banged her head on the floor – then screamed and cried. (Uh- check please!) We did this many times today – I must say – you hear about all the institutional behaviors and comforting they do – but it kills me to see her do this and rocking back and forth. I have started rocking her and keeping her close. I hold her a lot right now – but she has never had this much attention. She deserves it. Today, when I would put her down, or try to give her to her caregivers – she started to cry. How can they ask me to leave when she does that??? Also, she gets really whiney when other kids try to come up to me and call me mama. Today – she kicked at a little boy who held his hands up and called me mama. Today – when I went back for the afternoon visit – she had just gotten up from nap. The caregiver brought her through the door, she saw me – and had the biggest grin. It doesn’t get any better than that. The caregivers and my translator commented that she is attaching very nicely. I am thanking God for that too. This afternoon when I was taking her back to her groupa – she started crying. I just felt horrible.

One thing she also did today. It is cute – but I know this can’t go on. There are plants all over the orphanage halls. (I must say – this orphanage is awesome and clean, and the caregivers really care about the kids from what I see. Not all are like this.) Anyway, she started trying to tear the leaves off or dig in the dirt. I told her nyet – so she walked away. Then, she’d go back near them, act like she was going to touch them (but not do it) – me telling her – nyet. Then, she’d get closer – watching me the whole time. Then, she’d swat the leave and run – laughing as she run away.

She is very active. Gonna have to remove the priceless art when I get home. (i.e. the gourd from Africa, the elephant from India) Basically, everything 2 feet off the ground. : )

Another little story of how awesome God is. You all know I am involved with Life 2 Orphans. (since Sept 2004) Anyway, they have a program called feed an orphan – which participates at about 25 baby orphanages. (go back and read my early blogs – I talked about this). For $5 a month, you can feed a baby. So, I sent money for a year for the program. Anyway, the orphanage Zoey lives at is one of those sponsored orphanages. (found out late yesterday afternoon) As I mentioned on my blog – “I never know if the child I am feeding could be my own” – well – the way I look at it – I fed my precious baby for the last year.

Anyway, that is today’s update. Let’s see what cuteness she does tomorrow. Rather than update daily, I will go back to updating every few days.

February 6 - Meeting Day

We spent the weekend trying to get my spirits up. I will say – I have met some incredible people in Ukraine. Kim and Mark Botto (I love you guys, you made me laugh so much) and Lisa and Rich Weatherby (Lisa your emails made me feel so much better and put my fears at ease). And of course, Hadas and Jonathon McCue (may God forever bless you – I love you both as family). Without these people – I would have been on a plane home last weekend.

We spent time on Friday (actually Luba my translator did) finding more info on the referral. Friday night I sobbed some more. Saturday woke up OK – got that lump in throat again on Saturday night. I knew a lot of people were praying for me – because I was heartbroken and thought my dreams of being a mother were wrapped up in a one shot deal. Sunday we left on the “bullet” train to Dnipropetrovs’k. I think bullet train in Ukraine means they shoot a bullet in the direction of region – and the bullet beats the train. It was by no means the fast train. I digress…..

I had decided by weekend end that I would accept the child if healthy because I was specific in my prayers and God had answered my prayers. I asked for a healthy, young girl. I didn’t specify skin, hair, or eye colors. I got what I prayed for.

Today – Monday started out slow. Until we showed our appreciation – then the 2 hours in line became a five-minute episode. Anyhoo – we finally arrived at the orphanage at 11:10. We went to the director – and had to wait. While waiting – mother and I set in the lobby waiting. Every time a child went by – mother went that is her…(even though a couple were boys) I kept saying no – then it happened.

I saw her – and started to cry – I knew it was her by the eyes. Mother saw her too – then saw me cry – then she cried. Before us was the most perfect baby God ever created. She is so beautiful. She has olive skin – but is not biracial. (they said they thought her father was Hungarian or Romanian (hence bi-racial???) In the director’s office – I just could not take my eyes off of her – how could a child be so perfect? Then, they handed her to me – and the past 21 months erased. All the paperwork, money, waiting, stress, emotions, time in Ukraine – it didn’t matter because I had the most beautiful and perfect baby – the best Ukraine had to offer was now mine.

I only got to see her for 30 minutes, but got to go back later in the day and spend more time with her as Dr. Yuri did an evaluation. (by the way – he is awesome and so good with the kids) She seems to have taken a liking to me. She is also ticklish and has the cutest laugh. She checked out healthy – praise God.

Speaking of which...I stand here humbly before God and ask the same question I ask when I thought he had forgotten me. Why me???? Why do I deserve this child? I never thought I would in a million years get a child such as this. Over the last few weeks and months of waiting – I kept asking why me? Why do you always forget me? Why am I last? Why don’t you care? Why do I have to wait? All those stupid questions – when the answer is because “I have a child in Dnipropetrovs’k waiting for you”. Gosh, I am such a control freak. Gary Ford from my adoption group told me a month into my adoption process - “don’t even think about going to Ukraine without God.” I just thought – yeah – I will pray for the adoption. That is not what he meant. He meant turning loose. Letting go. Letting God. My adoption is only a miracle God could make happen.

People – last Friday I thought it was over. Today – I rejoice. Had the director not yelled at me – I would have chosen a different child. I shudder to think what would have been. Thank you God for using the director to intervene so that I could receive such a blessing.

It is far from over. I am in the hardest region in Ukraine. I met a couple who has been in the process since Nov. 6 – waiting for a court date. It is not going to be easy – or cheap. I have been told to expect 30 to 45 days. But, I will trust God knows what is best. My mother and I are ready to come home. We are on day 49 and that is a long time. We are tired –this is a hard trip. But, I won’t leave this country without my daughter. So, keep the prayers coming for a quick court date and possible waive of the 10 day wait.

I don’t have computer access in the new apartment. So, I will see if I can post pictures soon. If not, I will email.

February 2 - Appointment Day

I know everyone is wondering what happened today. It was not a good day - at all. My appointment was suppose to be at 9:00am - but the director did not come in until 10:50. She immediately took the appointment list - and went to her office. In 5 minutes - she came back with a new listing and posted it - my appointment was moved to 12:30. At 11:00 am - a group from one adoption group was ushered in and given the “best” referrals. (about 9 of them - who knows what they paid) Then, at 11:45 the director left - so appointments had to stop. She came back at 12:15 - and said they could resume - and 12:30 appts were pushed to 2:15.

Lets just say - it was emotional, hard, everything. I was crying at 11am when I saw I had been moved. Especially since I had met 2 of the couples and their original appointment dates were this week. My friends Hadas and Jonathon were downstairs and Hadas called. I was crying - but they would not let them upstairs yet because their appointment was later than mine. Anyway - Hadas pushed her way upstairs to be with me. I was alone - and will forever be grateful to her. Jonathon came up too so for the rest of the day we were together. Thank God for them - if they would not have been there - I probably would have done something stupid to jeopardize the adoption.

So, I got in at 2:25 - now #14 of 20. I was taken back to a psychologist who was very nice. And, she spoke to me in English. She asked me about myself and what I was looking for. As soon as I told her - she pulled out a sheet of paper and said - here is your child. I looked at the photo - and said - no this is not her. I would like to look at others. I was told - no I only got one referral. (I knew better – or so I thought) I asked could I look at the "books" - so she said OK. "But they are all rejects." After the first 3 - I knew she was not joking. They had AIDS, HIV, Hepatitis, bone deformities, etc. I asked to see sibling sets, older kids and boys (gasp!). She went and got some of the loose files from the couple at the next station who had been turned down. I came across a 4 year old girl with red hair and asked about her. Healthy - so I set her aside. I started looking at siblings - then it happened. About 15 minutes into my appointment - the director walked in and said to me "I HAND PICKED THIS CHILD FOR YOU - I KNEW YOU WAITED IN UKRAINE 40 DAYS - SO I GOT YOU A HEALTHY, YOUNG CHILD. YOU WILL TAKE HER OR LEAVE. YOU ARE NOT GETTING AN OLDER CHILD OR SIBLINGS - YOU WILL TAKE HER. THIS IS YOUR ONLY REFERRAL AND YOUR ONLY APPOINTMENT. DO NOT COME BACK." She grabbed the loose files of siblings and older kids and boys - and left. I started crying. The psychologist felt really bad. She handed me a tissue and asked what I wanted to do. I asked what choice I had - I knew they were going to make me go see her. Let me tell you about the child - she is completely healthy with "speech delays" - but at 20 months old - how can you tell? Her picture was horrible. I know this is hard for some of you to hear - but the ugliest baby I have ever seen. And, she is bi-racial. Also, this child is in the worst adoption region in Ukraine. They anticipate 30 to 45 days to complete the adoption.

I am by no means a racist - but I don't know if I can raise a child of a different race. The reason I chose Ukraine was in hopes of finding a child who "looked like me - had the same features" - most people here have fair skin and blonde/brown hair. Somehow - that choice was taken from me.

We are going on Sunday to meet the child on Monday. I don't have a choice. If I decide not to take her - I will have to come home. So, that is what happened today. It was a horrible, stressful, emotional day. I have waited 20 months for this adoption - in my heart believing God would bless me. I don't know if I can open my heart to this situation. I am trying to be excited this weekend about meeting her. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.

Memoirs of a Ukrainian Adoption

Hmmmm. While I have been in Kiev, I have read several books. All very good. Two I will mention. 1) Maximum City – Bombay Lost and Found. This is a very good book – but rather long. It goes way into underground India – more specifically Bombay. If you have an interest in the Indian culture as I do – it is a very good insight. Also, another good book on India – A Fine Balance – is probably one of the best books I have ever read on the Indian culture and history. If anyone is interested in my collection – let me know. 2) Memoirs of a Geisha. Very good book. Now, I can’t wait to get home and see the movie – I will probably have to wait for it to come on Comcast In-Demand though. By time I get home – it might even be on DVD.

I brought several of my Bollywood movies with us on this trip – to try and get mummy into it --- but she doesn’t like them. Anyway, I have watched them and love them. We have more families coming daily – which means we have more people to swap movies with.

We did some more sightseeing on Friday. I bet we walked over 6 miles looking at churches – all of them are on top of a freaking hill though. I never appreciated the flatness of Texas as much as I do right now. I did however manage to successfully negotiate a cab back. He started at 50 grivna – but I got him to 30. That was too easy. The ride was probably worth 50 grv – since it was rush hour. I was proud of myself. My self-imposed Russian lessons are paying off!

We are meeting so many more American families. We hang out with Hadas and Jonathon from Florida – they are so much fun. Last night we had Indian food – and while there this little boy – he was so cute – that kept prancing by us. We decided we have had enough of this waiting stuff and we might just take him home. But his momma rescued him. : ) There is still no news from the NAC. We do not know when they will be open. We also met another couple, Sean and Karin, who we will be meeting tomorrow night for dinner. Pretty soon – we should all be able to obtain citizenship!

I do have to say – Linda might be a little on the edgy side. She has started using the “f” word. I tell her it is not becoming. And, I appreciate her not using that language around me, lest she accidentally use it in front of my precious princess. We have slight differences in how we live. I am clean and tidy --- she is not. So, with all the added stress – you can imagine how heated it gets around here. So much for righteousness. (she says I drove her to it)

Thanks to each of you who email me and call me! It means the world to me that people are thinking about me. I never expected this to be so hard – but so many people have been so supportive – I am blessed to have such friends in my life.

Today – we have been here 39 days. Tomorrow will be day 40. Didn’t God “rescue” Noah after 40 days and 40 nights? If so – maybe tomorrow he will rescue me! Until my next update – have a lovely week!

Nohl - Nada - Nil - Zilch - Nothing

As usual, nothing is going on. I have though; put together a list of things I miss:

My precious dog
My friends - family
My bed
My car (I want to drive somewhere so bad)
My house
Highspeed internet
A responsive government
Tex-Mex

I am very perplexed at how my eating habits have changed. At home – when I get depressed/stressed/anxious – I eat. Here it is just the opposite. Today – I had to force myself to eat at least one meal. I am just not hungry. If it wasn’t for Linda – I probably wouldn’t eat until I was starving. I bet I have lost 10 to 15 lbs. Tonight – I put on a pair of pants, they fell down my rear. I saw some jeans in the store here the other day - $110 equivalent – NO WAY. Mom told me to get a belt and make do. Think I might. I am excited about this since I put on too much weight during my 20 month wait for this adoption. I just gotta keep this up when I get back home. I met a girl on Wednesday and wound up walking over 8 miles RT. Up and down hills – so I know I am getting good exercise.

We met another American couple Tuesday and Wednesday nights. They are awesome people and have found the most beautiful 10-year old girl. (Kim and Mark from Kentucky) They had court on Monday and are now awaiting the 10 day court wait. They introduced us to an American style food store – so we picked up a few things. It was very nice. So glad we found it.

I have been sleeping a lot. I don’t mind. But, it is driving Linda crazy. What else are we going to do? See downtown Kiev and the sights – one more time?

I went to Children’s Hope orphanage today to take the kids some Christmas boxes and watch them open. It was so cool. The kids are so cute. Again – I just wanted to take them all home. I have to say – the people of Ukraine are so awesome. Everyone has made us feel at home and checks on us often. People have offered to give up their homes so we would not have to pay for rent. Incredible and giving people. I am happy to know my daughter has a wonderful culture of people in her heritage.

Today it is the coldest it has been here. Probably zero or below – and over 3 feet of snow on the ground. It is so cold – it hurts when the air hits your skin.

Really, nothing new to report. Just waiting for the NAC to open. Keep prayers for a good first referral.

Week 3.5 and Counting in Kiev

We are majorly bored. I have mastered solitaire and become a pinball wizard! Although, we went to St. Sophia’s on Tuesday with one of the graduate students from Orphanage 12. He was a hoot. His name was Maksim – and he was the cutest thing. Had red hair and blue eyes – I wanted to take him home. Then, that night, we went to some friends we met through Bogdan. Sergey and Natasha. They cooked a Ukrainian feast for us. It was so awesome. They had a lovely home and we had a good time visiting with them.

Monday and Tuesday I was really depressed. No appointment in sight for another week or so. It is getting tiring over here – and we really aren’t doing much. We shop, sightsee, and fight a little – then hugs and kisses and go to bed. We have watched all the movies we brought – I didn’t bring that many. Little did I know… The only news we get is from the US embassy. One day it is encouraging, the next day not so encouraging. Basically, we are going to be here in Kiev another week to 15 days at least.

We have one English speaking channel – BBC World. They replay the same news at the top of each hour. I told mother if I hear Turkey is going to be kicked out of the EU for the spread of bird flu – one more time – I will scream.

Every map I have picked up has advertisement sections for American men looking for Ukrainian wives (i.e. slaves of the domestic and “relations” sort). I had a lengthy debate about this with my friend Bogdan. He agrees with me as to how sick and disgusting this is. Especially when a large percentage of these girls are the ones that have just been released from the orphanage and have no where to go. They get promises of a better life from these “agencies”, which take advantage of them and abuse them, basically selling them in the human sex trade. It all looks so innocent, but really it is a sick business. If someone makes an educated decision to go into this “trade” on their own – more power to them and good luck in America. But, for those that truly have no way – which is where most of these girls come from – I really feel sorry for them. Ok – I will get off my soapbox.

Thursday we went shopping for books. I got my baby some Russian and Ukrainian books. I am going to try to find some more but I was only successful at finding 2 bookstores. I really want to find a bookstore with some recipes that might be in English for all these salads that are made here. They are so good. We have taken to walking different routes these days. After 21 days – it all looks the same.

Today – Friday – we got out again – and I found a children’s bookstore – and got some more cool books.

This weekend – I am hanging out with the graduate students from Orphanage 12 here in Kiev. Should be fun. Each month they have a meeting and are required to attend. They help do work around the orphanage and report back to Bogdan on their progress. In return, they get to apply for sponsors from the US through our L2O organization for trade school. (mechanic, sewing, chef, etc) It is a really good program and these kids are so cool. Since the government does not really help them, it gives them a start into the world.

Also, some more Americans are coming for their court – so we are meeting up with them this weekend. Gonna be a busy weekend.

Other than that – not much going on. No appointment in sight. But, the news is getting better. Will keep you all posted.

PLEA: If anyone has any scoop at all - send it our way. The only news we get is from daddy and he tells us about people we don't know (i.e. from his job). So, we know not to ask him about current events back home.

Hill from Hell

Friday
Curse that never-ending hill. I have decided I can live off cokes and m&ms and be just fine. If we want restaurants – have to go wayyyyyyy down the hill - then all the way back up. If we go to market – it is opposite way up the hill. So, I have decided food is not that important. Lest you think this is some little molehill – it is not. I guess what makes it harder is a -8 wind chill all the way up the hill whipping in my face.

Besides the hill, my other major gripe is bath-time. It is so cold here. And, with the cut in gas, we are losing heat and hot water each day. So, taking a bath is a chore in and of itself. Shaving is out. Although I do shave lest you think I am growing hairy over here. But, it is so painful. And, in an apartment that is cold, with lukewarm water at best – I might start doing smell-checks to decide if a bath is really necessary. : ) When in Rome……

Today we went to Independence Square and saw the national Christmas tree and 500 santas. It was very nice. Mother was excited because last year she watched the elections and revolution on TV and was excited to see it live! They had pony and horse rides for the kids and little sleighs everywhere – it was cute. We then went to an Italian place for dinner where I got some uncooked chicken. Then, got a little stomach ache. Hey – at least it didn’t have the bird flu (to best of my knowledge).

Saturday
Today I went to the countryside with Bogdan. We went back to the O12 camp. We got up early and decided to take mass transportation (last time we hired a car at $50 to take us – but that was mainly because mummy didn’t want to try the metro). Anyway, today I was wishing for that car. At 6:45 this morning it was -10 with windchill – and walking 4 miles in that is almost illegal. Anyhoo – it was good to see the kids. They are so awesome! I know I have said it before – but I just want to take them all home. I got back to the apartment (not without having to climb 20 flights of stairs) around 4pm. Since I did not sleep the night before, I was very tired. Went to bed at 6:30pm – and woke when Mariana called at 2am this morning.

I bet you all think I am lazy – but I am not. But two forms of exercise I loathe are hills and stairs. Hate em! Yet here I am - facing them daily. Mom wanted food tonight – I told her in all I did over 10 miles today – I was not walking down that hill. Ate my m&ms and went to bed! Of course now, at 4am – my stomach is growling.

Sunday
We went to eat at Friday’s. (see Friday for my whining about the hill – curse that hill) I managed to go back to bed at 5am – then got up at noonish today. Sleeping my time in Ukraine away. That’s one way to make it go faster. I did pig out tonight though. So, I am fully set for at least a day now. Except, being full and walking that hill is worse. There is just nothing good about that hill.

Tonight I was entering my receipts in my spreadsheet for tracking costs here in UA. It came to about $30 per person for the 16 days we have been here. Not including apartment rent which would make it about $55 per person. Mummy is so excited about that – as she says Rachel Ray says $40 is what you should spend on food alone a day when you travel. We have that beat. Ours includes cell phones, internet, TP, lotions, my cokes and m&ms!!!!! She proposes we start our on TV show – and for kicks – I am going to add “cooking with dill”!

Just another cold, dreary day in my daughter’s homeland. Prayerfully, I will have an appointment this coming week and get to go pick her up! Thanks to each of you who send me encouraging emails and phone calls. That means so much to me. I thought I was going to be over here whining because no one cared about me and my wait or cancelled appointment. I am truly touched by the kindness of each of you! I will update this week after I know what the new AC is going to do. Dusveedunya!

Who Needs a Title? Nothing is Going On.

I really don’t have any interesting news – but just thought I’d let everyone know we are still hanging out in Kiev. Trying to stay (or even act like we are) busy. What, between all the naps, puzzles, movies, and computer games – we barely have time to eat. : )

Something we really aren’t use to - having to go the market at least every other day. They don’t do bulk here and packing is designed for everyone to shop daily. For example, when we buy bread – it lasts a day or two – then you start seeing mold on it or it goes very hard. There is a market about a quarter mile up the hill – and they cook foods for take away. BUT, everything is seasoned with dill. Now, at first – I was like – you are kidding me – dill on the chicken, dill on the potatoes, dill on the salad, dill on the bread, beans, everything. Wouldn’t you know I have acquired a taste for it. Now, I am trying to analyze everything from there and break down the ingredients so I can make when I get home. I am loving the potatoes with dill. I could live off them alone.

I woke today with a migraine – so we stayed in all day. I got up at noon – then napped from 2 to 6 – now here I am wide awake as usual. Bogdan came over tonight and we worked on some L2O stuff. Nice having him right here to work on it together rather than 50 emails back and forth.

I wrote about this via email to some of you. But, Linda and I have a phone stalker. The first time it happened – after the 3rd or 4th call – I got angry. We’d take the phone off the hook, but local people tried calling and we had to put it back. She just kept calling so mummy thought we could “make her go away with kindness” – FATCHANCE. Now she starts calling around 8am each day. She speaks English and Russian. She likes to sing (sometimes she tells us she is Britney Spears, sometimes her mother is Britney) so I have started singing along with her. It cracks mother up. For a day, I only spoke to her in French, but that kind of made her mad. She kept slamming the phone down on me – by the way – we guess she is between 9 and 12 years old – out of school with nothing to do. Mariana is her name – calling Americans and asking them where they live and what they do is her game. Tomorrow – I am pulling out the 50 Cent on her!

I am getting tidbits of news about the NAC – but nothing to post until I know it is not a rumor. Don’t want to get hopes up or down, and don’t want to spread news that is not confirmed.

I am going to be hanging out this weekend at Orphanage 12 – see the kids on their Christmas day. Then, meet up with the Vocational Students (older kids released from O12) to have a pizza party with them. These kids are so amazing – they overcome such adversity to try and live a normal life in a country not designed to support them. I wish I could do more – but for right now – my focus is on the adoption.

So, most of you probably have read about Russia cutting off the natural gas to Ukraine – as sort of some power struggle. Well, about 3 nights ago, we noticed it was getting colder – but the weather really hadn’t changed. Bogdan told us that everyone in the city was required to cut their gas usage by certain percentages or be fined. Linda and I are freezing. Some nights I am so cold I can’t sleep. Burrrrrrrr.

God love this country. Other than the extra money we are incurring and lack of much to do (a lot is closed for holidays) – it really isn’t that bad here. I would rather be in my own bed with my baby sleeping in hers – but that is not God’s plan right now. But, without saying too much……[this part of the blog will require you to read between the lines]. Certain products (we’ll just use an example of software) that might cost $800 in the US – can be bought still in the wrapper for $3 – and be perfectly usable. I am telling you – this is not stuff bought on the side of the street – it is bought in a computer store – all legit with a receipt. I found this out today when a friend purchased me a much needed item. They have everything…… So, in a couple of days, we are going shopping.

OK – when I have more news – or I get my conscience back – I will write more.

Down the Hill, Up the Hill ----

In case you wonder what we do all day. Mummy is scared of her shadow, so she drags me out each day. (Did I ever tell anyone how much I despise hills?) Well, we live at the top of the hill - food is at the bottom about a mile away. I am still existing on one meal and 2 cokes a day. Linda is now up to her normal 3 meals and snacks a day. I did drag her out to eat Indian food today - and surprisingly enough - she really liked it. This place was probably as good as Kiev gets - but it was expensive. But, a treat.

Someone told me to bring pants a size or two smaller - I did that and they already fit!

Next, I forgot to bring my lotion and my skin is really dry from the weather - so we went out searching for lotions. Only, all that we could find was high end (Chanel, Clinique, etc - at about $30 a bottle) or I didn’t know the Russian word for lotion and everyone gave me hand soap. Then, Linda showed her psoriasis and they all yelled "creme" - so lotion is creme. I managed to get that and some moisturizer for the face. Soon enough, I’ll be soft again.

New Years Eve in the city was exciting. Fireworks went off all over the city (and I mean all over - in front/behind our building, all along the river, downtown, everywhere) starting at midnight. At 4am - they were still going off in some places. I was suppose to hang out with my friend Bogdan, but he got a call from a student in need and had to go help him - so I was stuck here with Linda. Both her and Bogdan fretted that I might go somewhere alone. (Don’t these people know I travel the world by MYself.) Anyway, by time it was to do anything - we ordered pizza and stayed in.

The days are passing fastly enough. I am up all hours of the night. Then sleep till noon. Then go out till about 5pm. Then, in for the day. Sounds exciting, huh? Not much else to do - I would call and be on the phone for hours if the calling cards were not so expensive. So, if you are getting calls - you must be someone important!

Yesterday - we met a couple from Missouri who have adopted the most adorable 16 month-old girl. She is precious. We went sightseeing with them and had fun - and if they decide to stay in Kiev - will probably do some more sightseeing with them. They got caught in the shut-down too - basically they could not complete their adoption - so they had to leave their little girl in her region. They may go home and wait it there.

Kim and Heather - I miss you girls so much!!!!!! You may have to get a ticket and come visit. (Please - someone come visit as Linda is wearing out her welcome!) : )

You know - if one was desparate (as I am) they could say - the new NAC will be open in 7 days. May the time pass ever so fastly.

More updates to follow.............