AND THIS TOO SHALL PASS....................

BUT NOT WITHOUT A 30-DAY WAIT! As with any international adoption, the risk is high, mine is no different. So, I went back to the NAC today (got one of those frantic calls - get over here now) and was basically told the new administration would be in place on January 9. They will reassign appointments beginning January 10. I was told my appointment could be January 15 or February 1 or someday in between. Meanwhile, I was told I had two choices. 1) stay in the country and be given first chance when appointments are assigned, or 2) go home and maybe have to come back March/April/May. So, I signed an affidavit that I was not leaving the country in hopes I could get an appointment as soon as they are assigned. This is the prayer we are praying for - first available appointment. ASAP.

As you all can imagine, this is going to be one costly little adoption. Our apartment is $55 a night - you can do the math. Plus other necessities. This child better be rocking me when I am at the old people home!!!! : ) I guess I should thank God that I have the time off - and means to complete the adoption. I might have to go unpaid up-front - but I think I can make it. My vacation pay runs out on Feb. 15 - then I have to go unpaid. The company will not pay maternity leave until I actually have a kid. That goes for FMLA time as well. So, I am stressed about being without medical or other benefits. And, being away from home this long.
Linda and I went exploring today and saw the first McDonald’s here in Kiev. I remember reading someone else’s blog before and they ate at a different McD’s everyday. We won’t be doing that. OYE.......

What else? I can tell everyone about the half pint of cherries I paid $20 for? Go ahead and laugh. Here, once you touch something - it is yours or you get yelled at. Well, I saw some gorgeous cherries and told Linda I had to have them. I touched the ones I wanted - she said here is price - I said NO - she yelled and told me they were mine - so, long story short, we are savoring every last one of those cherries. DOH!

Funny thing - I met the director of the NAC today and she was very nice. But, at one point she yelled at a Spanish couple. So, I saw her mean side. It was kind of rude. Then, she went back to smiling - since the new director was in tow. He seems nice......we will see. Also, she gave a pitch about how sorry she was that the adoption process was being halted, it was not the fault of the NAC - they were innocent in this and they just want to find these children homes. Whatever..........

So, it looks like I will be in Kiev for a while. With my four shirts and 3 pair of pants. If anyone wants to visit, let us know and we will greet you with open arms.

Que Sera, Sera.............................

Whatever will be, will be.. I guess the future is not MINE to see. I sent all an email about my cancelled appointment. What can you do????? No people, I didn't stop off in Amsterdam and buy weed or find any here - not smoking anything else. (but after dealing with mother for 4 days in close quarters - I may need some soon) I guess I just have a peace about waiting. I am not in control. I know that. So, I will be hanging out in Kiev until they give me an appointment and I can go pick Zoey up and get her home. (I have to have faith this will happen or I will lose it - I have waited so long - and I just can't imagine God would bring me here for nothing - I have to believe that!!!)

So, what have I been doing. Everything. We got in Saturday night. Came straight to apartment - which is in the city center and very nice. It is very cold here and snowing. But, very pretty. Sunday - I got up and called my friend Bogdan who came by and took Linda and I to eat and out shopping. And, he gave us his phone and set us up on his internet. This man is a awesome. He is so giving. He is the deputy director at Orphanage 12 here in Kiev and works so hard for these kids.

On Monday, Bogdan picked us up and we went to the O12 camp where the kids are spending Christmas and gave them a party. It was so nice and the staff were so touched. The kids loved the fruit and gifts we got them. It was a good day.

I was suppose to meet with my facilitator Vlad on Monday evening - but he cancelled. (bad omen) Anyway, Elena (translator) called and said my appointment was cancelled for Tuesday. I was upset to say the least. Bogdan was here and was upset too - so he had some nice words.

I got up today, Tuesday - Appointment day - and went to the NAC. They were nice - but offered no explanations. So, Elena will check back twice daily until we know what is happening. It may be mid-January before I get an appointment.

Getting lots of exercise (our apartment is at top of hill and about 1 mile from city center) - and not eating but one meal a day. (hard to find food with my limited Russian) I might just apply for Americas SuperModel after this!!! : )

Not much else to tell unless anyone wants to hear the ways I have sat in bed thinking of ways to choke Linda. Joe has spoiled her. She is SO dependent on him to do everything. She can't even dial a phone. She is very out of her element here - and knows she is stuck. So, she cries, whines, bitches, yells ---- YOU PEOPLE KNOW I HAVE NO TOLERANCE for dependency and weak people. Anyway, she just got a good laugh out of this.

What else......well, one thing. Over the last couple of months, one person has been there for me when I needed someone to talk to, when I needed encouragement, and when I needed to be reminded about the end result of this adoption (and also to tell me to suck it up when needed) - to HIM I want to say THANK YOU! You know who you are - Happy Birthday! You have been a Godsend and I will be forever thankful to you!

Happy Blessed New Year to you all!

Not Without My Daughter!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, I leave tomorrow. Thanks to all who called and sent messages wishing me well.

I got home a bit ago, and took a moment to reflect, because I have decided something is not right. I think it hasn't hit me yet. I am not freaked, nervous, excited, scared, or anything right now. Honestly, I have no emotion flowing through me. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME????????????? Maybe I am all of the above and in DENIAL? I think, I guess I just thought this day would never come. Now it is here - and I am a little too calm. Maybe God is telling me it will be OK. (THIS IS WHAT I HOPE IT IS). Or, maybe I feel I know this is not going to be easy and I am preparing/expecting the worse. Kind of a defeated attitude. I don't know.

Just please pray for me. Linda is not even getting on my nerves. : ) Let me tell you what my parents did for my Christmas. I had been so worried about the kids at the Orphanage in Kiev not having a Christmas party - I mean these kids have nothing. I wanted more than anything for them to have a good day and get a small gift. But, no one donated. Anyway, they donated the money to make this happen. It was the most touching thing they have ever done. (Thanks again to you both - I love you!)

I am mostly packed. Did something I said I wasn't going to do. I have 2 large suitcases. But, one is full of stuff for kids and I am leaving the bag in Ukraine. Just need to pack clothes. I noticed today everything I had set out was black. Oh well --- everything I have of color is too thin.

I guess throughout this process I have had lots of doubt, lots of stress, lots of emotions -- but one thing I have never questioned is that my daughter is in Ukraine. I know she is. And, I will not come home without her. So, if it takes 2 weeks, 4 weeks, or 10 weeks - I will find her and bring her home!

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and Happy New Year to you all.

Zoey and I will see you in 2006!

Could time BE passing any slower??????

I thought - "Hey - I'll do an update - a lot has happened since my last post which was weeks ago." Grrrrrr...It has only been 9 days. Although, it does bring a new meaning to the 12 days of Christmas - as I have 12 days before I leave. I have to say - the last week has been like a home free feeling. My last day of work is officially the 21st. Then, I don't go back until June 15 or July 5, maybe August 1. I am so ready for it. So, you are wondering - why the update???? Well.......let me start.

1) The room is set up! It is so cute! I didn't really do it - I met a guy in the adoption group who is so awesome (and generous) and he helped me. He took me to Ikea and helped me pick out what I would need, then put it all together. side note: he restoreth my faith in men. : )

2) I re-did the bathroom - all by myself. Duckies - it is so cute! And, colorful. This kid is going to want to bathe all the time.

3) My attitude is strong! So strong, I got a toddler bed and bought toddler clothes. I am praying for a toddler girl and leaving the rest to God.

4) I talked to my facilitator and he has me a room in Kiev we are ready to go! Talked to my translator and she thinks we are partying until my appointment date. (I am too old for that) I must say - I did find out who my translator is - and I met her back in September. Spent a lot of time with her - she is crazy. We had loads of fun - and I saw how she worked her butt off. I told her - I AIN'T coming home without a toddler girl. She said "I like your persistence - I bet you will". So - she is in it for the long-haul too!

5) I finally got off my butt and started getting things done. I feel ready to take on the world! The last few days at work were not that stressful. Matter of fact - Friday was kind of fun.
Several people even commented that I was looking happier than ever ----- little do they know! (I get to have a break from that place for 7 months) On another side note - I realize how fortunate and blessed I am to have a great job. So, I don't want to bash my work too much. It has afforded me an opportunity to get a child which I so desparately want.

6) Spencer gets to stay with "Granny #2" as my mother calls her. So, she will spoil him rotten(er) and he will weigh 100 lbs by time I get back! But, he will get his lovins every day. She treats him so good.

OK - I will probably update one more time before I leave. Please pray for me and my appointment - which is just 15 days away!!!! More later.............

DECEMBER - GLORIOUS DECEMBER

OK – It is December 2nd – start checking back often so you can see my updates on freaking out. 21 days before I leave!!!!!!!!

Croatia was beautiful. Very Mediterranean and the food was good. The people spoke flawless English and the scenery was incredible. What a nice getaway. Again, I will try to upload a photo or two. I kind of forgot how to though.....

Just last night I finally got all the furniture out of the tot’s room, and will start this weekend getting the room in order. Although, someone pointed out to me that the bed I have has slots that are too wide and my precious Zoey might get her little head stuck in there – so I may have to find a new bed. Joy – more money. This kid is costing a fortune!

Great news!!!!!! The employer is now paying 8 paid weeks off for adoption. I now have 14 weeks off paid. What an awesome gift that is! Thank you, God. Now, I might just take off until August 1 instead of June 1. Watch out - you just might see me at the zoo, arboretum, chuck-e-cheeses. I am going to be living up that time off!

What else? I guess because I might be freaking out too much - I might be tired. Thus, nothing much else is going on! But, check back soon - I might change my mind the next day!