March 4 - 8 – The Bad, The Worse, The Miserable

That title might describe my attitude. But, maybe not. My court is still scheduled for March 9 – but wouldn’t you know – we still do not have all the paperwork needed. I have left so many details out on my blog – mainly because what we are dealing with here is a troubled environment. I will speak my mind today. This is ridiculous. Linda tells me I need to be positive – but the hoops we are jumping through to please this woman are too high and too many. The prosecutor and board of education said we had all necessary paperwork, have done the proper birth mom search (we have done this 3 times now), have even gathered paperwork we do not need to please the judge, still she wants more. It is never-ending. It is so frustrating as one day – we have everything we need, then the next day – we need something else. ARGH. Also, we found out March 9 is a preliminary court – not the actual court that will count down the 10 days…..NO – I DON’T KNOW WHAT A FREAKING PRELIMINARY COURT IS OR WHY IT IS NECESSARY. I just know it is “required” by this judge – to see the family and make sure all paperwork is in order before the “real” court begins. Never mind we have been working with her to ensure all paperwork is adequate for her. Now I find out I will have to apply for “real” court after the preliminary hearing.

On top of that – may anyone who comes to this country never have to go to the hospital. I have had an ear infection since early February thinking it might just go away. Well, my ears started bleeding and I was coughing up blood and I knew it called for drastic measures. The doctors are at the hospital and everything is all just mixed in. Radiology is next door to the pediatrician, surgery room is next to the ENT, just all random. I actually went to a pediatrician today. But, he turned out to be a decent doctor. I already knew the problems I had as they were recurring and he diagnosed them pretty quick. He concluded my problems were from my nose and throat – which is true as I have bad sinus problems. But, let’s just say they don’t have modern equipment and testing is done using apparatus from the 20s. He used to long needles to stick up my nose to test the sinus cavity – I thought I would die. They took an X-ray of my head (don’t ask) – and the equipment was so scary. But, I had to do this in order to get the meds. I got to keep the X-ray – and it is very interesting. There was a mass in my forehead – and I got scared it was a tumor. But, he showed me it was normal. Whew….. Anyway, there were so many people in this hospital – all like the walking wounded. Some looked like they were on their last leg. After I left – I started freaking about TB – as I have read they have high occurrences here. Joy………….

On top of that (again) – the weather is crazy. One day hot (that’s relative now as 40 seems hot to me), the next day snow, then rain, then snow, then slush, then rain, then it is muddy, then snow again. Today – we have had it all!

Just so I don’t seem as bitter as I might sound, the best thing about this trip is my little precious angel. She is so cute. She is bonding well. She is growing and flourishing. Dr. Yuri was back here on the 6th testing for another couple and saw her again and said she had changed tremendously from when he checked her out a month ago. I know this child is worth the hell I am living. I don’t ever show my irritability around her. I asked my translator to not give me news at the orphanage anymore. I just don’t want her to catch a glimpse of the frustration and disappointment. I had every opportunity to walk away from here and this whole adoption – but I chose to stay for her. And, choose to stay until we go home. I don’t like it. I hate more than anything that this situation has overshadowed the joyfulness of this occasion. Maybe it is my fault for letting the situation and surroundings get to me. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

But, for whatever reason, I am having to deal with this particular situation. My prayer is I don’t walk away bitter. It is very hard not to be. This whole adoption has been so hard. It took almost 2 years. I had to wait 10 months for the appointment, then it was cancelled and I had to wait 42 days for a new appointment. Then, having to deal with the crap of this region. I know life is not easy and one shouldn’t expect any special favors – but I can’t help but think I am due. I am only human and the feelings I have may disappoint others – but until you have walked in my shoes – no judging. On one hand, God has been very gracious and I am blessed beyond means to have this particular child. She is beautiful, healthy, very active, and exceeds my expectations of what I thought I “deserved”. But, sometimes I think why did God feel the need to test me beyond my limits. He took my fertility. And, I waited so long for this happen – and everything that could went wrong. Why did he feel the need to allow this situation to occur? These days I feel so defeated by this whole event. Did He not think I would appreciate this child? Did He not think I would think she is worth it? Only those who have been through this process would know how it is a whole testament of faith. I had the faith so strong in the beginning – now I feel I just exist day to day. I don’t mean to sound like I am whining (but maybe I am) – I am ready to be home.

I wish there was something exciting to post. But really there isn’t. Today is woman’s day here and everything is closed. I am just hoping all goes well tomorrow and we can get a real court date – and it goes well so we can get home.