Lessons Learned

Friday – February 24, 2006.
Days in Ukraine – 63. Days going out of my mind – 61. I must admit the first two days were “exciting” till I found out my appointment was cancelled. For the longest time – I thought God is teaching me something – and obviously I am missing the point. Patience – yes I need patience. Who doesn’t? And, I must say I am proud of myself for the patience I have exhibited.

Last night – I think one all important lesson hit me. No man is an island. I am 36 years old and spend a lot of time by myself. Mainly because I want to and it is easier. But, I am use to traveling alone, eating alone, being alone at home, doing things for myself. I never ask anyone for anything unless I am desperate. I hate asking people for money – even a quarter for the coke machine at work. If I borrow a quarter – I pay it back immediately to the tune of “why are you worried about paying me a quarter back?” I have NEVER wanted to owe anyone anything. I hate to ask people to help me – I don’t know why.

When I started this adoption, I didn’t want anyone to know what I was doing. I didn’t want to hear anyone’s opinions. And, because of the risk, I didn’t want people to pity me if things went wrong. So, I kept it small – very close friends and immediate family. Then, I needed prayer requests – and time went on so I opened the circle to close friends. I also thought while in Ukraine I could do this by myself – but I found out the hard way I can’t. I have needed support – and it has come to me in the most unexpected ways. So many people have opened their lives, their hearts and their prayers to me – and I am just learning how to accept that. And, I am amazed at what people will do in the time of need to help someone they don’t even know. It opens my heart to tell this wonderful child that there are exceptional people in this world – and you don’t have to search far to find them. I can’t began to explain the myriad ways people have helped me. And I wonder how I could ever thank these people? It is in my nature to repay – but I don’t know how I could ever repay the kindness of these people.

This district of the Dnipropetrovs’k region is so difficult. I could have never expected all this to happen nor have I been prepared for amount of additional paperwork that is needed. The judge has asked for paperwork, which the embassy provided – then she stated she would not accept because the embassy is working to get me out of here. So, the $500 trip to Kiev to get a rush on paperwork for her – which she stated could come from the embassy – was a waste. This is what I am dealing with here. I provided proof of home ownership – she said it was not certified. (although it is from the tax authority and official) – so we had to get another document back home. Along with 4 other documents. It has been so stressful. These documents were not required as part of the adoption process for the NAC. I was approved to adopt and my paperwork is in order. The judge here is just a slight bit off.

I have also learned another lesson. When I started this process – I told myself I wanted a girl so bad, that I could never love a boy. Geez – I am messed up! : ) Don’t get me wrong – I love my Zoey and thank God for her daily. Oh how blessed I am to have her and I am happy with her. But, there are several little boys in her groupa who I see daily and have fallen in love with them. I want them all. The more I stay here – the harder it gets. Because I am becoming attached to these little boys too. I never should have started playing with them (I do this when they change Zoey or are getting her ready or when I take her back). But, it is so hard when you see these kids and they just crave a hug and attention. I will not turn my back on a child in need. I can’t. I hurt so bad for these kids because they desperately want touching and love, and they deserve it. I wish I could pack the lot of them up and charter a flight back home – but it just isn’t reality.
So that is my thoughts for the day. Zoey is getting attached to me. I can tell. One problem though that I see already is that she will go to anyone easily. I don’t want her to do that. Another thing, she gravitates toward men – like anytime other men are in the room with their kids – she runs to them and puts her hands up. I don’t like that – as I think she needs to be cautious of people. We will work on that.

Each day when she sees me – she gets so excited. She trips, squeals, claps, runs – it is funny to watch. She takes off without the caregivers and runs to her momma – I just love her. I can’t wait to get her home and show her off.