Playtime Photos

One Month (plus One Week) Home!!!

Well, so much is happening – and all so fast. Time is flying by. Zoey is growing. She is still underweight and under-height --- but her HAIR is growing. : ) She is coming into her own too. Miss Priss has an attitude and it is very strong willed. She is living la vida loca in Rowlett, TX. I finally got her some play equipment for the back yard – now I can’t get her in the house. She loves being outside.

We are both adjusting better now. Mommy has finally asked for help from family and friends to watch Zoey while she has “alone” time --- and that is helping so much. For the first few weeks – I was afraid to let her out of my sight ---- not now. It is a much needed break. I was literally spending 24X7 with her and it was tough. Plus, I wasn’t getting anything done around the house. And, still haven’t done my taxes! But, it is much smoother now. Also, she starts Mothers Day Out in June for 2 days a week. That will be an awesome help.

We have Wednesday play dates with my friend Kitsy. We usually take our two girls out – this week the Dallas zoo. Kitsy’s little girl Kate is 2 months younger than Zoey. There is such a huge difference in their developments, but Zoey will catch up soon I am told. Also, we are going to start playing one day a week with my friend Gladys and her little boy. (Geez – I am never going to want to go back to work.)

Most other days, we go shopping, strolling, playing at the park, or playing in our own backyard. Zoey is starting to play more with her toys and books, whereas before I don’t think she really knew what to do. But, it is fun to watch her. It is also cute to watch her discover new things (bugs, animals, books, etc) --- she squeals with delight when she sees something new.

I love having her here --- she is so much fun. She and Spencer have hit it off really well too. And, they are fun to watch. They are still sharing food. (much to my chagrin) Gramma and Grampa came up to visit this weekend and Zoey had fun spending time with them.

We have a big week coming up. Monday Zoey goes to doctor for bloodwork. Then, we are going to Zoo on Wednesday. Then on Thursday we are meeting a partner from work, then also with the Garland ISD over some help for Zoey and her speech delays. Then, Saturday is our baby shower. So, going to be a busy week.

Check back soon. I will post pictures and updates periodically.

April 1 - ONE WEEK HOME

It is Saturday April 1 - one week home!! And it is 7:20am and Zoey is still asleep. I was able to get a luxury shower this morning. (i.e. – I shaved and got to use soap) Now, if I can get this silly dog on the same schedule – we are in business. I am primary caregiver to a toddler and a dog – who knew they would be somewhat similar. (crud – as I write this – Spencer is barking meaning Zoey will awake soon – gotta type fast)
1) they get up early and want food
2) they are jealous of each other and both want my attention (uh – there is one of me – you both have to share – no biting the other please)
3) they follow my every move (I have learned to crawl up the stairs so Zoey can’t see me when she is in bed – if she does – it is over for me (am I a bad mama or what?))
4) did I mention they get up early?

Zoey is adjusting well for the most part. Three big problem areas are naps, eating and the dog. (it is 7:40am and she is still asleep – this is huge – we usually get up between 5:45 and 6:15 – which makes for a long day) She fights the nap kicking and screaming, literally. (that of which she did not take yesterday which is why she is probably still asleep) But, twice now she did not nap and there was hell to pay at around 5pm. Bedtime at night is so easy - I just bathe her and she dries off, brings me a book to read, then gets in bed. I love it! Also, we love to kick, bite, hit, and pinch the dog. (who just takes it laying down) We are working on “loving” the dog (i.e. kisses and petting). So when I am watching and she knows it – she puts on a display of kissing and petting the dog, but if she thinks I am not watching – she pinches, hits or bites him. Also, if he jumps in my lap – she gets jealous and grits those teeth at him – then proceeds to be mean to him. Oye…..

I saw what they fed her at the orphanage (soup, oatmeal, bread) – and she ate like there was no tomorrow. NOW – she snubs everything. Miss Priss thinks we are serving filet mignon here at Casa Hanks – how wrong she is. Mama is almost vegetarian – the only meat we have here is chicken. I cooked a good meal last night and she did eat it all – plus more. (it was balsamic chicken with carrots, bell peppers and asparagus (which she loves)) Maybe she knows she hit the jackpot and doesn’t have to eat those foods from the orphanage days anymore? Who knows. I am proud of her and Spencer for sharing. He let her take food from his bowl (to which she said yuk) and she throws hers on the floor since she found out he camps out right under her highchair and will eat anything.

The last few days in Kiev were busy but mostly uneventful. The plane ride home is another story. On the 3.5 hour trip from Kiev to London – Zoey slept from the time we taxied until 20 minutes later. Then – she was up screaming and crying. They say it takes a village to raise a child – well it takes the first 12 rows of a 737 to shut a kid up mid-flight. Everyone got tired of listening to her – so they just passed her around. She racked up on snacks too!

Then, came the long flight from London to Dallas. This child had only had the 20 minute nap ---- again it takes a 767 and the first 18 rows, plus all the flight attendants taking her when they had breaks to shut her up. She was a terror. Everyone started coming up to me and asking could they hold her. At first, the flight attendants thought I was a bad mother who could not control her child – then one of them was talking to her and I said – she does not really understand you – she was just adopted from Ukraine and knows Russian. Then – she spread the news and everyone had to come visit. Everyone on the plane knew the little screaming girl in 10G was just adopted. When I walked her to back of plane – people were saying “hello Zoey”. Also – mid-flight – the pilot came and welcomed everyone and especially Zoey from Ukraine. It was funny. When we landed – the pilot came on and said “Ladies and Gentlemen – welcome to the USA and Dallas, TX and a very special welcome to the USA and your new home to Zoey”…of course I cried. Thank God we were finally on US soil (won’t be leaving this country for a while!!!!). I even met a man in first class, who told me the story of him being adopted and how he thought what I did was awesome (we talked for over an hour) --- he called this week to see how things were going and ask me out! This kid is a man magnet!!!!!

Thanks to Gary, Josh and Joseph Ford and Chris Hoegee for meeting me at the airport. It was so nice to see some groupies there. I had family and friends meet as well – and were thankful to see them too!

Zoey is picking up the language so fast. She understands everything I ask her to do. And, she is saying bye-bye, thank you, get (a command to Spencer when he takes a toy or her snacks), mama, give, shoes, no, etc. It is so cute to see her pick up speech so easily given she was labeled as speech delayed. She is learning leaps and bounds and I am so proud of her. (Did I mention she is so smart? She really is!)

She has also taken to my brother very well. They have offered to keep her tomorrow so I can do my taxes, sort the mail, clean the house, etc. I took them up on it! Score!

Just thinking back on what I have been through – Ukraine seems so distant. Everyone said I would forget everything I went through, and really I have. I love this little girl. I know how extremely blessed I am to have gotten a little girl so young and so healthy. Never could I have imagined what a perfect child God set aside for me. I hope those in waiting are as blessed as me in finding a perfect child for them. I will say it again – Ukraine is not for sissies. Patience and endurance are a must. Everyone’s adoption is different, but the country politics and the corruption remain the same. Hopefully with the new administration to take place in May things will get better.

Also, when I got home – I was going through my emails to Cathy. The first time I contacted her was May 22, 2004. I sent her an email and asked about the process and if she could send me information. Zoey’s birthday is May 22, 2004.

I will load some photos from home later. Just wanted to update everyone on the last week.

March 23 - Spring has Sprung

That means the snow has melted. WE ARE IN KIEV!!!!!!!!!!!! I never thought I’d be so happy to see a city again. (even if it is in Ukraine) Village life is not for me. I don’t even mind that stupid hill – as we are in the same apartment as we were in January. I guess I will recap the last few days for you.

The 10 day wait was by far the slowest time in this whole trip. We passed the time by visiting Zoey each day and staring at the walls. And, talking with all the families who are awaiting court dates.

On Monday the 20th we spent the day getting ready for the birth certificate and passport. We also had Zoey’s going away party. I cried a little. I know it is a happy time – but these ladies appear to love these kids and I know they loved Zoey.

I didn’t sleep at all on Monday night – worried about getting that court decree. So – fast forward to Tuesday the 21st. It was a busy and big day. We get to courthouse around 8am to pick up our decree. We were suppose to review the final copy on Monday – but after a 4 hour wait – were told we could look at it when we picked it up. Oye. So, around 9:30am – the judge told us we could have the decree at 10:00am. Which technically was 11:30. Then, there were errors. OUCH! I almost got sick. I started getting a migraine. If there are any errors, there is an imposed 5-day wait period to correct and rebind the decree. However, this was our lucky day. We took the decree and told the judge the errors and prepared for the worst. She looked at her watch and said – I have time – I will correct them myself. So, she corrected all but 2 of the errors. Then, made a few more. (don’t ask) We finally got the correct version of the decree at nearly 2pm. We had to be so many places before 5pm – and we almost made it – but the legalization office would not wait for us. At 5pm we went to the orphanage to check out Zoey. To my chagrin, the passport office called and said we had to have the birth certificate notarized before they would issue a passport since the legalization of documents did not occur. So, my translator and car left me at the orphanage to get Zoey.

So, we said our goodbyes (I cried when I took her from orphanage, cried when I said bye to other families waiting, cried when her caregivers cried, it was an emotional day) – and had to walk through the forest to get home. Actually, Zoey got a ride on my hip. Linda was surprised to see us as they told us we would have to wait until documents were legalized before we could have her. So, at 4pm I told Linda we would have to wait. Then, showed up with her at 5:45pm. Found out right quick the apartment we were staying in was not kid friendly. She opened every cabinet, touched every knick-knack. Kid could not be left alone for 2 seconds.

Zoey did really well. I cursed the time I had to stay in Dnipropetrovs’k – but it really did give Zoey time to bond with me. She is really attached to me. (My mother thinks too much as she will not go to anyone else now – whereas before she just held out her hands for anyone. She is constantly asking where her mama is and making sure she has an eye on me at all times) She went to bed around 8:30am – but not without a fight. She screamed and cried for 30 minutes till she wore herself out. Then, at 3am – she woke up ready to go. And, would not go back to sleep. She played, sung, touched everything again. (at this point – I was on 7 hours of sleep in the last two days) She finally laid down at around 5am – but was up again for good at 6am.

Did she take a nap – no. She was too busy being excited she had escaped the orphanage. She got a catnap in the stroller to lunch – maybe 30 minutes. I tried to get her to nap after lunch – but after crying and screaming for an hour – no go. So, we left for the train around 3:30pm. She did really well in the car. And, at the train station. We got on the train – she did good for about an hour – then was very tired. After crying for a long time and fighting the sleep urge – she gave in at 7pm. However, our train arrived at Kiev at 11pm – which meant we had to wake her – which meant she thought she was up for play. Oye. We got to the apartment around midnight – and she had to explore. At a little after 1am – I finally got her to sleep – along with myself. That kid has a set of lungs – so much my ears throb when she screams.

Today we went to get her medical exam – tomorrow the embassy. Naptime today was the same. She is just having adjustment issues – that hopefully will resolve when we get home and she is in the same bed every day. Poor little thing has from a strict schedule to chaos. Her sleeping, eating, playing and caregivers have changed – as has her whole life in 2 short days. I do thank God she feels safe with me – else things might be worse.

As we were leaving Dnipro last night, I got such a lump in my throat and tears. We were leaving my baby’s home. And I know we will not be going back there anytime soon. Although I have had a rough time in Ukraine – I do not hate the place. I hate the ways of the country. But, if they were like the US – we would not be over here adopting these wonderful children.

Unless something unexpected occurs – we will be home this Saturday. I am honestly beside myself as I guess in my mind I was resigned to the fact that Ukraine was going to start making adoptive parents LIVE in Ukraine to be able to adopt them. : ) I just did not think I would ever get home. I know it is only 3 months – but they were the longest 3 months I have known.

I am so unprepared for this child at home. I don’t have anything for her (high chair, car seat, monitors, clothes, you name it) except love. : )

Also, in one of my blogs I whined about getting a special favor from God. Well, I already know I got it. Zoey. I love that little girl more than I thought a person could love someone. Today – the 90 days seem so distant.

I will post more photos and update from home when I get there. Until then – get ready to meet the most wonderful child God ever created. (for me anyway) : )

March 15 – Middle of the 10 day wait

We are suppose to get the court decree on March 21 – next Tuesday. I am so excited. If all goes according to plan, we will get the passport and birth certificate that day (provided we get the decree that morning). Then, pick up Zoey from the orphanage and leave for Kiev on the 22nd on the 6:45am train. Hal-le-lu-jah! Kiev will be a nice change from the village. I will hopefully get the medical exam on the 22nd or 23rd – then have my Embassy appointment set for Friday morning at 8:30. If all goes well and the airlines still have availability – we will be home Saturday evening at 6:30pm CST! It doesn’t even seem real – I am so beside myself to get out of here. If we leave on the 25th – we will have been here 93 days! I still could not have imagined the journey I have been down when I left home on December 23rd. How naïve was I?

I have been sick the last couple of days. My ear infection will just not give and now I have sore throat and coughing – among other sinus problems. I have taken the medicine I was given here – but it is just not strong enough. Something tells me the plane ride home will be miserable. I have not seen Zoey the last few days because I have felt bad. But, mother has gone in my place. Every day Zoey asks where her mama is. I miss her so much – but intend to get back over there ASAP. On Monday – we were going around getting paperwork completed for the passport and BC – and I didn’t get to see her that morning. The caregivers said she sat at the window all morning asking where her mama was and cried. I went at 12:30 after visiting the director – but could only spend 5 minutes with her. She was so excited. She kept rubbing her hand on my face and smiling. Then, when I had to give her back – she cried, kicked, and screamed. I felt so horrible. I did make it for the 4pm visit and she was so excited to see me.

While we were chasing down paperwork – I went and bought some clothes and a stroller (in the waiting time) for the trip home. I got some cool threads – but they will be too hot once we deplane in Dallas. I am going to have to put her in diapers for the trip home. I hope she doesn’t get use to it. I got a potty chair for her – but will only be able to use it while here in Ukraine. I am not taking that thing on the plane.

What else?? Well, things did not go well for all the other couples here at court. The judge did not grant their adoptions. Now, these families will have to appeal to the supreme court of Ukraine. This really is a sad situation here. I have been so torn up – yet thankful for the miracle God granted me. These people have the proper paperwork she requested – she just denied their adoptions. I spoke with the director of the orphanage yesterday and she is upset too. She has to tell these kids who do not understand that these parents will be leaving them. There are now approximately 12 families here waiting to adopt. Those that have been here 2 to 3 weeks without a court date are disconnecting from the children and trying not to attach. It is so sad. My heart aches and breaks for these children and these families who wanted so much to adopt them. Some of these families have been in this process since October and November. Also, in passing the director mentioned there were about 15 more kids about to come off the registry.

I just can’t wait to get out of here and get home.

March 9 – I AM OFFICIALLY A MOM

Hallelujah – Praise God! What a difference a day makes. Yes – you read right. I went to court today – my preliminary hearing was at 11am. There was a court hearing before mine with a Spanish couple who was on court #5. They had more problems (please pray for this couple – they are wonderful people and don’t deserve what they are going through) and on top of that – the jurors were tired of the judge’s shenanigans so they decided to leave. Which meant, my court could not start until they found more jurors. But, the judge went out and found 2 jurors (they worked at the courthouse) and we started around 11:15. We had the preliminary hearing – which lasted about 20 minutes. Then, my translator applied for the real court – and the judge said “why not”. So, at 11:55 we started my “real” court. Everything we heard about this judge was horrible, and some of the questions she asked were weird – but for the most part there was no trouble. The only thing that came up was an address was misspelled – an “o” instead of an “a” in one of the documents – but the prosecutor told her it was a technical mistake as the “o” was handwritten. The court erupted into a battle zone for a few minutes – but that was it. From my experience – my court was long (nearly 5 hours) – but not bad at all. At times – the jurors fell asleep – which I thought was kind of funny. My court ended around 3:40 – but not before the judge had to decide twice if she would grant custody. As she read the statement – and I realized what she was saying – I started crying. This child is now mine. My translator was so nervous all day – to the extent she was driving me crazy with bombardment of questions the judge “may” ask. None of which she did. For the most part – as I mentioned in the previous blog – I just felt defeated. I.e. – I let go. When will I learn?

I cried a couple a times during court when they were talking about how no-one had visited or wanted Zoey. That is so hard to hear. I want this child – I wanted her since she was born. It was as if she were an object and not a child. I have never met Zoey’s biological mother – but I will forever be grateful to her. I will pray for her every night that she knows this child is loved, cared for and happy.

I went to see Zoey after court – and all the caregivers had already heard. They hugged me and were jumping up and down. They said they were sad – but so happy for Zoey. That will be a hard day when I take her from the orphanage.

I have sat here trying to decide if I should post the blog I was writing over the last few days. I have decided I will post as that was what was occurring to me over the last week. To see how down I was over the last few days – to this miracle that was granted to me today. A miracle only God could have orchestrated. Why am I so hardheaded?

If all goes as planned – we pick up the court decree on March 21. Get her passport and birth certificate – then leave for Kiev on the 22nd. Hopefully we can get the medical exam and embassy trip for her visa on the 23rd and leave to come home on the 24th-25th- or 26th – depending on the airlines. More prayers for a quick trip home!!!!

March 10 – The Day After
I went to upload my blog today – and a new person was tending the internet café and he would not let me upload the blog. I will just keep updating until I the regular guy back.

I arrived at the orphanage today only to get sad news. After my court, there were two couples waiting for court. The Spanish couple – to finish their court, and an American couple who was on their third court attempt. I found out the American couple “had more problems” and was not granted custody, and the Spanish couple was told to come back next week because it was so late when the American couple finished. Both couples will have court on next Tuesday. The Spanish couple started their adoption in October – and they are still having problems. For both couples – their problems are with the birth mother search (or so they are told). It is craziness.

All day – I felt so horrible as I knew the American couple had court at 1pm. And, during breaks I spoke with them and knew they were stressed that my court would go too long and they would get put off again. I got such a stress migraine yesterday because I knew we were going so long. I felt horrible. And still do. But, I realize there was nothing I could do.

I am so thankful to God for the miracle He granted me. No one has ever had just one court in this courthouse. The director of the orphanage called my translator and asked what “special” did she do as this had never happened. We did nothing but pray. No thank you’s were given. No begging. Just God and his mighty mercy that he softened this judges heart for approximately 5 hours.

Oddly enough – two new couples came to the orphanage yesterday afternoon and this morning and they had already heard my story. All the translators are wanting my translator’s phone number so they can know what she did. She even told them “we prayed to God”! There are now approximately 10 adopting parents here at our orphanage. Several are single women – and like me – they only got one referral – and it was at this orphanage. We are like one big family and have become so close through the ordeals of court. I will really miss these new friends but we all have plans to keep in touch. Though this has been tough – it has been a great visiting with everyone at play and snack time.

Zoey is a handful. We are trying to prepare ourselves for the plane ride. She is a nosy little girl and a busy body. She goes to everyone else’s play area rather than staying in hers and playing with her toys. She goes to take everyone else’s food and toys. And, she hates being told no. My mom is getting a kick out of me chasing this kid all over the orphanage. Today – I took her back to her groupa – and she started kicking and screaming and trying to get me to take her. When I said no – I have to go – she dropped on the floor and did the kick and scream episode. I don’t know what that caregiver said – but it was stern and she stopped on a dime. I have to find that out before I leave. Anyway – after they took her away – the caregiver came back and told me I needed to spank her. Anyway – I got a kick out of how she communicated this to me. “Mama” – as she took her hand and swatted the backside of another caregiver and said “Mama – to Rada” – she kept doing it till I said hradashol. (OK) Of course, I am not going to spank her – we will do time outs soon enough.

Well, that’s all for now. Hopefully I will be in Dallas soon! I am counting down the days!

March 4 - 8 – The Bad, The Worse, The Miserable

That title might describe my attitude. But, maybe not. My court is still scheduled for March 9 – but wouldn’t you know – we still do not have all the paperwork needed. I have left so many details out on my blog – mainly because what we are dealing with here is a troubled environment. I will speak my mind today. This is ridiculous. Linda tells me I need to be positive – but the hoops we are jumping through to please this woman are too high and too many. The prosecutor and board of education said we had all necessary paperwork, have done the proper birth mom search (we have done this 3 times now), have even gathered paperwork we do not need to please the judge, still she wants more. It is never-ending. It is so frustrating as one day – we have everything we need, then the next day – we need something else. ARGH. Also, we found out March 9 is a preliminary court – not the actual court that will count down the 10 days…..NO – I DON’T KNOW WHAT A FREAKING PRELIMINARY COURT IS OR WHY IT IS NECESSARY. I just know it is “required” by this judge – to see the family and make sure all paperwork is in order before the “real” court begins. Never mind we have been working with her to ensure all paperwork is adequate for her. Now I find out I will have to apply for “real” court after the preliminary hearing.

On top of that – may anyone who comes to this country never have to go to the hospital. I have had an ear infection since early February thinking it might just go away. Well, my ears started bleeding and I was coughing up blood and I knew it called for drastic measures. The doctors are at the hospital and everything is all just mixed in. Radiology is next door to the pediatrician, surgery room is next to the ENT, just all random. I actually went to a pediatrician today. But, he turned out to be a decent doctor. I already knew the problems I had as they were recurring and he diagnosed them pretty quick. He concluded my problems were from my nose and throat – which is true as I have bad sinus problems. But, let’s just say they don’t have modern equipment and testing is done using apparatus from the 20s. He used to long needles to stick up my nose to test the sinus cavity – I thought I would die. They took an X-ray of my head (don’t ask) – and the equipment was so scary. But, I had to do this in order to get the meds. I got to keep the X-ray – and it is very interesting. There was a mass in my forehead – and I got scared it was a tumor. But, he showed me it was normal. Whew….. Anyway, there were so many people in this hospital – all like the walking wounded. Some looked like they were on their last leg. After I left – I started freaking about TB – as I have read they have high occurrences here. Joy………….

On top of that (again) – the weather is crazy. One day hot (that’s relative now as 40 seems hot to me), the next day snow, then rain, then snow, then slush, then rain, then it is muddy, then snow again. Today – we have had it all!

Just so I don’t seem as bitter as I might sound, the best thing about this trip is my little precious angel. She is so cute. She is bonding well. She is growing and flourishing. Dr. Yuri was back here on the 6th testing for another couple and saw her again and said she had changed tremendously from when he checked her out a month ago. I know this child is worth the hell I am living. I don’t ever show my irritability around her. I asked my translator to not give me news at the orphanage anymore. I just don’t want her to catch a glimpse of the frustration and disappointment. I had every opportunity to walk away from here and this whole adoption – but I chose to stay for her. And, choose to stay until we go home. I don’t like it. I hate more than anything that this situation has overshadowed the joyfulness of this occasion. Maybe it is my fault for letting the situation and surroundings get to me. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

But, for whatever reason, I am having to deal with this particular situation. My prayer is I don’t walk away bitter. It is very hard not to be. This whole adoption has been so hard. It took almost 2 years. I had to wait 10 months for the appointment, then it was cancelled and I had to wait 42 days for a new appointment. Then, having to deal with the crap of this region. I know life is not easy and one shouldn’t expect any special favors – but I can’t help but think I am due. I am only human and the feelings I have may disappoint others – but until you have walked in my shoes – no judging. On one hand, God has been very gracious and I am blessed beyond means to have this particular child. She is beautiful, healthy, very active, and exceeds my expectations of what I thought I “deserved”. But, sometimes I think why did God feel the need to test me beyond my limits. He took my fertility. And, I waited so long for this happen – and everything that could went wrong. Why did he feel the need to allow this situation to occur? These days I feel so defeated by this whole event. Did He not think I would appreciate this child? Did He not think I would think she is worth it? Only those who have been through this process would know how it is a whole testament of faith. I had the faith so strong in the beginning – now I feel I just exist day to day. I don’t mean to sound like I am whining (but maybe I am) – I am ready to be home.

I wish there was something exciting to post. But really there isn’t. Today is woman’s day here and everything is closed. I am just hoping all goes well tomorrow and we can get a real court date – and it goes well so we can get home.

Just a Quick Update

I have several blog updates to post - but the internet cafe wised up to what I was doing and now have disabled the USB ports. Ooops - my bad. Anyway - We had court on March 9 - and I am the official mama to Zoey Alyssa Hanks. The judge told me I could not give her back! Mom and I still laugh at that - we think she may have met her. : ) She is such a hard-headed little toot - but you will be happy to know that I have many years ahead of her on the hard-headedness and strong will - so I have won most battles thus far.

We are suppose to get the court decree on the 21st - then spend the day getting the birth certificate and passport. Then, we are planning on leaving for Kiev on the 22nd. Then, leave for DALLAS, TEXAS on March 25th. This whole plan hinges on the judge getting us our court decree on the 21st in the morning. If it is that afternoon - then we might get pushed back a day or two - then have to worry about airline availabilty. But, we are praying we get the decree on morning of 21st.

I will post my blogs about court and following days once I get to Kiev! Until then - Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

March 3 – Another Month in Ukraine

Well, let’s see. When I met Zoey on February 6 – she weighed 8 kilos and was 75 centimeters tall. On Tuesday February 28 – she weighed 8.7 kilos and was 78 cm tall!!!!! Look at that – a little growth spurt from love and food. I give her 2 snacks each day – milk, yogurt, crackers/biscuits, and fruit. She loves her food and looks forward to those snacks. She is so cute. I give her raisins sometimes, and I let her pick them from my hand. So, now she tells me she wants raisins or a snack by holding out her hand and acting like she is picking raisins from her hand – then she tries to get my attention. It is so cute. Of course she is smiling and flashing those long lashes at me – awwww – how could I say no? Also, when she knows it is snack time – she runs to the couch and “assumes the position” and is so excited. We get such a kick out of that!

Well, I got news yesterday that my court date is on March 9. I need prayers big time for this date. 1) The judge will soften her heart. 2) She will show up. She has not showed up for some court appointments and has been horrid to people. That is about all I know right now. Also, March 8 is Woman's Day and we have been told people usually take the next day off too. So, I am not feeling too positive about this.

We got a burst of spring last week (it was in the 30s) - now it is snowing, icy and frigid again. We have moved to a new apartment that is much cheaper than where we were. But, the other apartment was better. We are warm and well - so can't complain.

Also, at this new apartment they had scales. I have lost 15 lbs!!!!! Yeah me! That is drinking 2 cokes a day and too many M&Ms to count. So, I am cutting out the M&Ms - to see how much that helps. Yeah me again!

Again - prayers, prayers, prayers needed. God has to intervene for this miracle to occur.

Introducing Zoey Hanks

Feb 27 - Just another day in paradise

Weekend – February 25/26
OK it is Sunday night and I will recap the weekend. It came and went. (HA – Just kidding). Actually, Saturday night we met up with the McCue’s and went to the big city of Dnipropetrovs’k. To meet up with another American (Laura and Chris Kennedy) here adopting from my orphanage – they have been here since November. Oye….. We had a nice time. Mom was excited to ride in a car. I was excited to meet up and have something to eat other than the café we go to daily. Which is awesome food – but I wanted something different than Ukrainian food. We had Italian. It was good. Also, as we were walking in the city – all those stores beckoned me. Shops. S omething we don’t have a lot of here in the village. Also, at the restaurant they had EuroMTV on and I got to see JLOs new video. Also, a new Whitney Houston video. What is happening over there? Then, I hear Brangelina is due in May? Geez – I have 10 weeks worth of People magazine sitting on my counter – I will probably never get to read those now……

Today and yesterday Zoey was so good. She just wanted to cuddle – which is different as she is usually on the go. She has a runny nose and just wants to be held. I love it – so I am very happy to hold her. Usually I chase her and run her up and down stairs. Don’t have to worry about the M&Ms I am still eating – cause I burn those off in 15 minutes with her. Speaking of which, I gave her two M&Ms today and mom was appalled. I found out they get chocolate once a week in the orphanage (it is a chocolate equivalent to a milky way – about an inch long) – so 2 M&Ms won’t kill her. : )

Today I also met the Kennedy’s little boy – oh my gosh – he is beautiful. Blond hair – big blue eyes. He is a doll. But, I am still very partial to my little princess.

Zoey loves music and loves to sing. And, she loves to hear me sing! (Yes, Jeff – she thinks I can sing!!!) I took my MP3 player out last week and introduced her to 50 Cent! Not sure she was impressed – just wait till I get her home and put it on surround sound! : ) (just kidding)

Oh did I tell everyone because of all the stress – I have been having migraines daily – and have run out of my medication. Luckily, mom brought some and I have resorted to using it. (she only had 5 pills though) I took a prescription to the pharmacy tonight – and they don’t have anything similar. Ouch. I am running out of my thyroid meds and other meds too. We need to get home soon.

Well, I am just sitting here listening to my MP3. I miss home so much. I feel so disconnected. When I call people – and ask what is going on – they say “nothing – how is it going with you”….. I need news. We don’t have CNN – only BBC – which is EU connected – so we don’t get a lot of US news. Also, without internet access – we are very out of the loop. I feel like I have lost 10 weeks of my life. We are both so ready to be home. Mother reads me a daily devotional about speaking positive – then all it takes is the afternoon trip to the orphanage and walking through the mud, trash, muck and ice – then her tune changes. I have to remind her of the passage for the day – then we laugh.

Linda has started going with me to the orphanage to visit Zoey – so she can bond. In the afternoon – the visit is only an hour and she claims she wants the exercise too. That she gets.
Also, hopefully I don’t repeat myself on the blog. We feel like we are in a Simpson’s episode. Right outside the village there is a HUGE power plant and I crack up when I see it. Reminds me of Springfield. : ) As we walk along each day – I hum the tune to the Simpson’s and it makes us laugh. It just looms over the whole village. I hate to think my baby is breathing that mess. Each night, mom makes me close my bedroom door so the “fumes or whatever it emits” do not reach her.

Monday - February 27
Still waiting on a court date. Zoey was sick today - fever, cough and runny nose. I am told it is my fault because I let her on the floor. Anyway - I will leave the internet cafe and go to the pharmacy to get her something. The orphanage doctor gave me a list. I will update more later - the judge didn't work today. Never mind we ran hoops to get paperwork here - and she is not even here. Again - I digress.............................................................

Also, in one of my previous posts I talked about a couple of little boys I fell in love with. Well, I met the parents of one of the little boys today. They are back in Dnipro for court on Wednesday and they are from California. I am so happy he has a family. He is the sweetest little boy ever. Maybe the other two have families on their way too.

Well, I will update again when I know what is up with the court date. Until then - Happy March to all!

Lessons Learned

Friday – February 24, 2006.
Days in Ukraine – 63. Days going out of my mind – 61. I must admit the first two days were “exciting” till I found out my appointment was cancelled. For the longest time – I thought God is teaching me something – and obviously I am missing the point. Patience – yes I need patience. Who doesn’t? And, I must say I am proud of myself for the patience I have exhibited.

Last night – I think one all important lesson hit me. No man is an island. I am 36 years old and spend a lot of time by myself. Mainly because I want to and it is easier. But, I am use to traveling alone, eating alone, being alone at home, doing things for myself. I never ask anyone for anything unless I am desperate. I hate asking people for money – even a quarter for the coke machine at work. If I borrow a quarter – I pay it back immediately to the tune of “why are you worried about paying me a quarter back?” I have NEVER wanted to owe anyone anything. I hate to ask people to help me – I don’t know why.

When I started this adoption, I didn’t want anyone to know what I was doing. I didn’t want to hear anyone’s opinions. And, because of the risk, I didn’t want people to pity me if things went wrong. So, I kept it small – very close friends and immediate family. Then, I needed prayer requests – and time went on so I opened the circle to close friends. I also thought while in Ukraine I could do this by myself – but I found out the hard way I can’t. I have needed support – and it has come to me in the most unexpected ways. So many people have opened their lives, their hearts and their prayers to me – and I am just learning how to accept that. And, I am amazed at what people will do in the time of need to help someone they don’t even know. It opens my heart to tell this wonderful child that there are exceptional people in this world – and you don’t have to search far to find them. I can’t began to explain the myriad ways people have helped me. And I wonder how I could ever thank these people? It is in my nature to repay – but I don’t know how I could ever repay the kindness of these people.

This district of the Dnipropetrovs’k region is so difficult. I could have never expected all this to happen nor have I been prepared for amount of additional paperwork that is needed. The judge has asked for paperwork, which the embassy provided – then she stated she would not accept because the embassy is working to get me out of here. So, the $500 trip to Kiev to get a rush on paperwork for her – which she stated could come from the embassy – was a waste. This is what I am dealing with here. I provided proof of home ownership – she said it was not certified. (although it is from the tax authority and official) – so we had to get another document back home. Along with 4 other documents. It has been so stressful. These documents were not required as part of the adoption process for the NAC. I was approved to adopt and my paperwork is in order. The judge here is just a slight bit off.

I have also learned another lesson. When I started this process – I told myself I wanted a girl so bad, that I could never love a boy. Geez – I am messed up! : ) Don’t get me wrong – I love my Zoey and thank God for her daily. Oh how blessed I am to have her and I am happy with her. But, there are several little boys in her groupa who I see daily and have fallen in love with them. I want them all. The more I stay here – the harder it gets. Because I am becoming attached to these little boys too. I never should have started playing with them (I do this when they change Zoey or are getting her ready or when I take her back). But, it is so hard when you see these kids and they just crave a hug and attention. I will not turn my back on a child in need. I can’t. I hurt so bad for these kids because they desperately want touching and love, and they deserve it. I wish I could pack the lot of them up and charter a flight back home – but it just isn’t reality.
So that is my thoughts for the day. Zoey is getting attached to me. I can tell. One problem though that I see already is that she will go to anyone easily. I don’t want her to do that. Another thing, she gravitates toward men – like anytime other men are in the room with their kids – she runs to them and puts her hands up. I don’t like that – as I think she needs to be cautious of people. We will work on that.

Each day when she sees me – she gets so excited. She trips, squeals, claps, runs – it is funny to watch. She takes off without the caregivers and runs to her momma – I just love her. I can’t wait to get her home and show her off.

Daily Life in Dnipropetrovs’k (i.e. Siberia)

We are “living” about 30 minutes from the city center of Dnipropetrovs’k in an area that looks like the ghetto. But, it is deceiving as the insides of these apartments are really nice. But it is funny how there is nothing, then all of a sudden a bunch of apartment buildings, with little booth markets all around. As with the rest of Ukraine, you have to go to several places before you get all you need. But, we have lucked out – we have a “micro Wal-Mart”. It has a food store, bank, deli, clothes, etc – so we have all decided we like it because it feels a little like home. The area we are in is blanketed by snow and forests – and just feels like Siberia. There is a restaurant we go to and it sits off by itself and just reminds us of old Russia. This café has live music every night from 7 to midnight. Yeehaw! I think not – they are horrible and loud. We have decided not to eat there anymore at night. Actually it is good Ukrainian food, just bad music.

The internet cafes here are horrible. Any time of day we go, kids are playing games. Speaking of which, I had a moment on Sunday (2/12) at the internet café. I lost it. The access was slow. People were smoking – although no smoking signs were up, and I was trying to print one of the documents the prosecutor thinks I need (though no where else these documents are required). Anyway, it wouldn’t print and the guy was trying to print – and I thought he was reading the document – so I went off on him and his internet store. I even said some very ugly words. Ooops. Mother just buried her head. Anyway, I felt bad – he finally got the document to print. Then, there was an error on it and he had to change some words and reprint. He did it kindly. When we left, I offered him some extra money for his troubles and my yelling – but he wouldn’t take it. (A first in Ukraine) I finally after a few minutes got him to take it – but I felt horrible.
I am amazed I haven’t done worse yet. I am seriously sick of this place and want to be home. I bet my dog forgets who I am. Again – I digress……..

Back to Zoey. I love that child. She is getting very secure with me. Lets me give her kisses, she lays her head on my shoulder, she cries when she has to go back to groupa. I just can’t get enough of her. I hate leaving her at that place. The other kids are jealous and hit her and push her cause she has a momma now. She came out with scratches on her face the other day – they told me the other kids did it. I hate to think they are mean to my baby.

For Valentine’s Day I bought the kids some cookies and fruits and the caregivers some chocolate. The caregivers were so excited. Silly me – I was caught up in the fact I have to go Kiev to the American Embassy for paperwork – that I forgot to get Zoey something.
Oh well, her birthday this year will be the biggest bash ever!

Until I blog again……..Dasvedunya!

Leaving on a Slow Train, don’t know when I will be back again…….

Wednesday – Feb 15
Last night (Happy Valentines to me – the 14th) I had to take an overnight train to Kiev to be at the American Embassy before noon on the 15th. Seems the judge here in Dnipropetrovs’k does not like the paperwork that was approved by the NAC. (never mind I never could have adopted without the proper paperwork – I digress again…..) The judge here wants some crazy paperwork that is impossible to get or non-existent. One thing, an official document stating I have never been married. Another, proof my licensed social worker can do a home study for adoptions. Proof the Embassy will give Zoey a passport. My will – with the guardian for Zoey present (good thing it is my mother). And some other docs I am forgetting right now. It is so crazy. We have met several couples here who have been in the adoption process since Sept, Oct, and Nov – and still do not have all the “correct” paperwork. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!

Kiev was cold and snowy today. I arrived at 6:10am – and we hit the road the running. We had to go to a café until the embassy opened. Once I got inside the embassy – I felt relieved. As close to the USA as I will get over here. Everyone was so nice and helpful. It took 30 minutes to get 6 documents in English and Ukrainian. (and didn’t cost a thing) I had to sign off on a few things – then we left to have the documents notarized and legalized. (geez – don’t get me started) Anyway, I caught a train back to Dnipropetrovs’k and was back at 9pm. What a day.

I did not get to see my precious baby today – can’t wait to see her tomorrow.
Yesterday I had a moment. I called my translator and told her I was going home. I couldn’t do this any more. I have said it once and will say it again – this is the hardest thing I have ever done. NOTHING is convenient and everything has to be expedited. I am so sick of it. But on the train ride home tonight, I was thinking about all the kids and one in particular (Zoey) --- she gets to get out of here and will have a life. And attention and love. She is very lucky. How she ever got registered I will never know. This orphanage does not put kids on the registry often, and most people won’t come here because of all the BS. I cried when I found out what region she was in – but I did not have a choice – and I am glad I did not. In the end – she melts my little heart. I need prayers because I don’t know how much more I can be here and I need strength – but I will be until she can go home with me.

Thursday – Feb 16
Oh what a day!!!!! I went to the orphanage to see Zoey – and when she came out she was smiling and screaming with happiness to see her momma. She came running up to me – it was so sweet. I guess she did notice that I was gone. I picked her up and she had peed her pants. They don’t allow the kids to wear diapers when they are in their group. Basically, after they eat and drink, they are required to sit on the potty until they go. It is funny to see 15 potties in a row with 15 kids sitting on them. So, we got her changed and out we went to play. After playing a while she gets tired, so I started singing to her today. She just laid there and let me rock her until she fell asleep. Then, she awoke, put her head on my shoulder, and went to sleep. I rocked her for a while then sat with her. Then decided to take her to her bed. When I got back to her groupa – the other kids started hitting on her and awoke her. She screamed bloody murder – then was awake.

Last weekend I bought her some new shoes, but the only ones I could find were expensive. The shoes she was wearing were too tight for her feet. But, I didn’t want to leave the shoes there or they might disappear. Anyway, today I put them on her – and as I was getting ready to leave I was about to take them off and she screamed and cried big ole tears. So, she got to keep them. When I came back in the afternoon – she had them on. But, when I went to undress her and pull off her pants – I had to remove a shoe and she wailed again.

Also, the other kids have started hitting and scratching her because she has a momma. I am about to kick some 2-3 year old butts. They are so mean to her. She is also the youngest in the groupa – so I just know they pick on her. There is one little girl who is nice to her – there are only 3 or 4 girls in her groupa – the other 11 or so are boys.

Friday – February 17
Actually, we had a warm up today. -18. I think I am getting use to the cold. That walk at 9:15am to the orphanage will do it to you. Although this afternoon, the wind was blowing and it was brutal.

I have a couple of gripes I need to get off my chest – then on to Zoey. First, each apartment we have stayed at it has been cold on the inside with not good heating. However, at our current residence – it is so hot in the apartment – I am sweating. As I sit here and type – I have a window open and it is still hot. It is miserably hot. When Linda says it is hot and she opens a window – you know it is hot. Next, with all the walking and lack of meals, my clothes do not fit. Can’t find a belt. And, all my pants are sagging. We took some photos of me – then laughed because my pants are resting on my hips. However, it is starting to tick me off. In my situation, I can’t afford to buy new clothes and you would not believe how expensive clothes are here. I can get a loaf of bread for .02 cents, a 20 oz coke for about .40 cents, washing detergent for .55 cents, 15 bananas for $1.00 and a large bag of jolly green giant mixed vegetables for .45 cents. But the other day, I saw this cute sweater – and thought I would buy it – until I priced it. $85. And, jeans are really expensive here – in the $100 range. Ho-hummm. Also, why does Colgate toothpaste cost $2.49 in the US and $.90 here? Anyone?

Today – Zoey was quite. Until we called a friend so he could talk to her – then she screamed. For the most part – she just played and tried to get her way. One thing I noticed is that she likes to play by herself. There are other kids there (other families adopting) and she doesn’t like to play with them. She will move off to a corner and play quietly. I wonder if it has to do with all kids in her groupa being mean to her and it is her way of protecting herself? I tried to get her to play – but mostly the kids do not share. I am going to have to work on that. Especially since she is an only child and we will be hanging together for a while.

Nothing much else happened today. My translator got my paperwork approved by the NAC yesterday and will be back in Dnipropetrovs’k on Sunday to appeal to the court on Monday for a court date. Prayers for a quick court date.

Saturday and Sunday – Feb 18/19
Nothing exciting this weekend. Saturday it snowed, rained and sleeted all in one afternoon. This made for a miserable walk to the orphanage Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning. But, I made it. It was actually warm today (Sunday). And, the snow is melting. This makes slush, which becomes black muck, which gets all over you. Oh joy.

I am having another moment today. I am so ready to be home. It is hard trying to bond with Zoey as there are 4 other families and their kids and all we get is a hallway to play with them. The kids hit and push. Zoey has started hitting and biting me when she doesn’t get her way. It is hard to control in the setting we are in. Ho hummmmmm.

Geez, I’d click my heels 3 times even if it landed me in Kansas. I just know I can walk to Dallas from there. Straight shot down I35! I want to be home so bad.

That is it. I am hoping we get hear news this week on a court date.

Depressed

I have several updates on my memory stick, but the guy will not let me put on the computer - so I will have to post them when I can. Meanwhile - I am very depressed. I have no court date in sight and am running out of money. I have prayed - and no answers come. I don't know what God is doing - but my time is running out. My 171 expires April 12 - at that point if I have not had court - it is over. I have to come home without this child. The judge is making up documents to ask for. This is the most corrupt place I know. I don't know how much more I can cry. It is at the end. I don't know what else I can do.

I ask for prayers. God has not heard - maybe he will hear other people? It is that bad here. I can't believe that God would bring me here - place this child in my hands - then not finish it. I don't need grand finales - I just need a court date and for all to go well.

I don't even feel I can attach to this child cause I am afraid I will lose her.

Day 5 – In a Routine

Over the ice paths, through the slums, to Zoey’s orphanage I go…. I now have a daily routine. I get up at 8:30am, get dressed, and then walk to the orphanage. (never mind it has been in the -20s here for the last 5 days) The orphanage is about 1.3 miles from the apartment – and it takes me between 12 and 15 minutes to get there. Yes – I am hauling it – it is so cold it hurts. But, this region is so expensive. The driver was wanting me to pay $50 a day for the two trips to the orphanage – which is less than 5 minutes by car. I told him no thank you. Kiev was so much cheaper than here.

I visit Zoey from 9:30 to 12:00, then 3:30ish to 5pm. When I come home for lunch, I take a nap. There is nothing else to do here – so a nap is a welcome reprieve. We are not close to the actual city – the orphanage is about 30 minutes by car from the city – so we would have to pay about $30 to get into city – then the same back. It is not worth it – although we plan to splurge this weekend to do some shopping for Zoey and her groupa.

Mother and I want to be home so bad right now – I can’t even explain the pain of being here. But, I will at a later time. We are quickly running out of money – and I am very worried about that. Prayers for a quick court date – and waive of the 10 days.

Zoey and I are in a routine as well. We play from 9:30 to 10:30; have snack from 10:30 to 11:00; then play some more till noon. Around 11:30 to 11:45 she gets fussy – as it is getting close to nap time and sister needs her sleep. They told me to come at 4pm in the afternoon – but I have been getting there around 3:30 – so they let me have her then. Although they literally pluck her from the bed and hand her to me. I do diaper duty, dress her – then we go have a snack. Then play some more. She is usually in a fussy mood as she is just waking – so afternoon it takes her some time to warm up.

On Thursday, mom went with me to the afternoon visit. I kept telling her about the little tantrums, and mom thought – no way. Sure enough, Linda got front row seats for the “I am not getting my way – so I will throw myself on the floor and kick and scream” event. It’s kind of funny. But, the caregivers don’t like it.

Luba has worked really hard to have all paperwork completed by Friday – so that on Monday we can go to court and request a court date. I hope and pray the judge is on our side and we get in and get out SOON. Please pray for quick results and no hold-ups so we can get home.

Day 2 – Getting Acquainted with Each Other

Today – we had to do a medical exam to be certified in the region. So, Zoey had to give some blood. It was horrible watching them take her blood. She was crying – I was telling them they were hurting her – and they were telling me something – probably to shut up and get out (couldn’t tell – Russian). But, I didn’t. They couldn’t get blood – so they started twisting her arm – geez where did the nurse get her degree? They finally got their 4 vials of blood. We had to go early, and Luba decided they didn’t need me, so I got to spend time with Zoey from 8am till noon.

Well……easy going Rada (aka Zoey Alyssa) was putting on the cute, sweet and innocent act yesterday! : ) Today – the fits came out. They say you wind up with a child like you – how in the world did this happen??? Miss Priss tried me several times today. In the morning – we played with musical toy till we got bored (20 minutes), then the baby doll that laughs (5 minutes), then the book (2 minutes). So, then we walked about the orphanage. I must say – the orphanage I am at is pretty lenient and let me have the run of the floor – but there isn’t much to do roaming the halls – and Zoey wanted to go into every room when we saw doors.
Mommy (aka – Jennifer) – “ Nyet” – my new favorite word.
Zoey – “nyet” – her most used word.
Imagine this conversation at every door. Then, after her “nyet” – she sat on the floor – then banged her head on the floor – then screamed and cried. (Uh- check please!) We did this many times today – I must say – you hear about all the institutional behaviors and comforting they do – but it kills me to see her do this and rocking back and forth. I have started rocking her and keeping her close. I hold her a lot right now – but she has never had this much attention. She deserves it. Today, when I would put her down, or try to give her to her caregivers – she started to cry. How can they ask me to leave when she does that??? Also, she gets really whiney when other kids try to come up to me and call me mama. Today – she kicked at a little boy who held his hands up and called me mama. Today – when I went back for the afternoon visit – she had just gotten up from nap. The caregiver brought her through the door, she saw me – and had the biggest grin. It doesn’t get any better than that. The caregivers and my translator commented that she is attaching very nicely. I am thanking God for that too. This afternoon when I was taking her back to her groupa – she started crying. I just felt horrible.

One thing she also did today. It is cute – but I know this can’t go on. There are plants all over the orphanage halls. (I must say – this orphanage is awesome and clean, and the caregivers really care about the kids from what I see. Not all are like this.) Anyway, she started trying to tear the leaves off or dig in the dirt. I told her nyet – so she walked away. Then, she’d go back near them, act like she was going to touch them (but not do it) – me telling her – nyet. Then, she’d get closer – watching me the whole time. Then, she’d swat the leave and run – laughing as she run away.

She is very active. Gonna have to remove the priceless art when I get home. (i.e. the gourd from Africa, the elephant from India) Basically, everything 2 feet off the ground. : )

Another little story of how awesome God is. You all know I am involved with Life 2 Orphans. (since Sept 2004) Anyway, they have a program called feed an orphan – which participates at about 25 baby orphanages. (go back and read my early blogs – I talked about this). For $5 a month, you can feed a baby. So, I sent money for a year for the program. Anyway, the orphanage Zoey lives at is one of those sponsored orphanages. (found out late yesterday afternoon) As I mentioned on my blog – “I never know if the child I am feeding could be my own” – well – the way I look at it – I fed my precious baby for the last year.

Anyway, that is today’s update. Let’s see what cuteness she does tomorrow. Rather than update daily, I will go back to updating every few days.

February 6 - Meeting Day

We spent the weekend trying to get my spirits up. I will say – I have met some incredible people in Ukraine. Kim and Mark Botto (I love you guys, you made me laugh so much) and Lisa and Rich Weatherby (Lisa your emails made me feel so much better and put my fears at ease). And of course, Hadas and Jonathon McCue (may God forever bless you – I love you both as family). Without these people – I would have been on a plane home last weekend.

We spent time on Friday (actually Luba my translator did) finding more info on the referral. Friday night I sobbed some more. Saturday woke up OK – got that lump in throat again on Saturday night. I knew a lot of people were praying for me – because I was heartbroken and thought my dreams of being a mother were wrapped up in a one shot deal. Sunday we left on the “bullet” train to Dnipropetrovs’k. I think bullet train in Ukraine means they shoot a bullet in the direction of region – and the bullet beats the train. It was by no means the fast train. I digress…..

I had decided by weekend end that I would accept the child if healthy because I was specific in my prayers and God had answered my prayers. I asked for a healthy, young girl. I didn’t specify skin, hair, or eye colors. I got what I prayed for.

Today – Monday started out slow. Until we showed our appreciation – then the 2 hours in line became a five-minute episode. Anyhoo – we finally arrived at the orphanage at 11:10. We went to the director – and had to wait. While waiting – mother and I set in the lobby waiting. Every time a child went by – mother went that is her…(even though a couple were boys) I kept saying no – then it happened.

I saw her – and started to cry – I knew it was her by the eyes. Mother saw her too – then saw me cry – then she cried. Before us was the most perfect baby God ever created. She is so beautiful. She has olive skin – but is not biracial. (they said they thought her father was Hungarian or Romanian (hence bi-racial???) In the director’s office – I just could not take my eyes off of her – how could a child be so perfect? Then, they handed her to me – and the past 21 months erased. All the paperwork, money, waiting, stress, emotions, time in Ukraine – it didn’t matter because I had the most beautiful and perfect baby – the best Ukraine had to offer was now mine.

I only got to see her for 30 minutes, but got to go back later in the day and spend more time with her as Dr. Yuri did an evaluation. (by the way – he is awesome and so good with the kids) She seems to have taken a liking to me. She is also ticklish and has the cutest laugh. She checked out healthy – praise God.

Speaking of which...I stand here humbly before God and ask the same question I ask when I thought he had forgotten me. Why me???? Why do I deserve this child? I never thought I would in a million years get a child such as this. Over the last few weeks and months of waiting – I kept asking why me? Why do you always forget me? Why am I last? Why don’t you care? Why do I have to wait? All those stupid questions – when the answer is because “I have a child in Dnipropetrovs’k waiting for you”. Gosh, I am such a control freak. Gary Ford from my adoption group told me a month into my adoption process - “don’t even think about going to Ukraine without God.” I just thought – yeah – I will pray for the adoption. That is not what he meant. He meant turning loose. Letting go. Letting God. My adoption is only a miracle God could make happen.

People – last Friday I thought it was over. Today – I rejoice. Had the director not yelled at me – I would have chosen a different child. I shudder to think what would have been. Thank you God for using the director to intervene so that I could receive such a blessing.

It is far from over. I am in the hardest region in Ukraine. I met a couple who has been in the process since Nov. 6 – waiting for a court date. It is not going to be easy – or cheap. I have been told to expect 30 to 45 days. But, I will trust God knows what is best. My mother and I are ready to come home. We are on day 49 and that is a long time. We are tired –this is a hard trip. But, I won’t leave this country without my daughter. So, keep the prayers coming for a quick court date and possible waive of the 10 day wait.

I don’t have computer access in the new apartment. So, I will see if I can post pictures soon. If not, I will email.

February 2 - Appointment Day

I know everyone is wondering what happened today. It was not a good day - at all. My appointment was suppose to be at 9:00am - but the director did not come in until 10:50. She immediately took the appointment list - and went to her office. In 5 minutes - she came back with a new listing and posted it - my appointment was moved to 12:30. At 11:00 am - a group from one adoption group was ushered in and given the “best” referrals. (about 9 of them - who knows what they paid) Then, at 11:45 the director left - so appointments had to stop. She came back at 12:15 - and said they could resume - and 12:30 appts were pushed to 2:15.

Lets just say - it was emotional, hard, everything. I was crying at 11am when I saw I had been moved. Especially since I had met 2 of the couples and their original appointment dates were this week. My friends Hadas and Jonathon were downstairs and Hadas called. I was crying - but they would not let them upstairs yet because their appointment was later than mine. Anyway - Hadas pushed her way upstairs to be with me. I was alone - and will forever be grateful to her. Jonathon came up too so for the rest of the day we were together. Thank God for them - if they would not have been there - I probably would have done something stupid to jeopardize the adoption.

So, I got in at 2:25 - now #14 of 20. I was taken back to a psychologist who was very nice. And, she spoke to me in English. She asked me about myself and what I was looking for. As soon as I told her - she pulled out a sheet of paper and said - here is your child. I looked at the photo - and said - no this is not her. I would like to look at others. I was told - no I only got one referral. (I knew better – or so I thought) I asked could I look at the "books" - so she said OK. "But they are all rejects." After the first 3 - I knew she was not joking. They had AIDS, HIV, Hepatitis, bone deformities, etc. I asked to see sibling sets, older kids and boys (gasp!). She went and got some of the loose files from the couple at the next station who had been turned down. I came across a 4 year old girl with red hair and asked about her. Healthy - so I set her aside. I started looking at siblings - then it happened. About 15 minutes into my appointment - the director walked in and said to me "I HAND PICKED THIS CHILD FOR YOU - I KNEW YOU WAITED IN UKRAINE 40 DAYS - SO I GOT YOU A HEALTHY, YOUNG CHILD. YOU WILL TAKE HER OR LEAVE. YOU ARE NOT GETTING AN OLDER CHILD OR SIBLINGS - YOU WILL TAKE HER. THIS IS YOUR ONLY REFERRAL AND YOUR ONLY APPOINTMENT. DO NOT COME BACK." She grabbed the loose files of siblings and older kids and boys - and left. I started crying. The psychologist felt really bad. She handed me a tissue and asked what I wanted to do. I asked what choice I had - I knew they were going to make me go see her. Let me tell you about the child - she is completely healthy with "speech delays" - but at 20 months old - how can you tell? Her picture was horrible. I know this is hard for some of you to hear - but the ugliest baby I have ever seen. And, she is bi-racial. Also, this child is in the worst adoption region in Ukraine. They anticipate 30 to 45 days to complete the adoption.

I am by no means a racist - but I don't know if I can raise a child of a different race. The reason I chose Ukraine was in hopes of finding a child who "looked like me - had the same features" - most people here have fair skin and blonde/brown hair. Somehow - that choice was taken from me.

We are going on Sunday to meet the child on Monday. I don't have a choice. If I decide not to take her - I will have to come home. So, that is what happened today. It was a horrible, stressful, emotional day. I have waited 20 months for this adoption - in my heart believing God would bless me. I don't know if I can open my heart to this situation. I am trying to be excited this weekend about meeting her. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.

Memoirs of a Ukrainian Adoption

Hmmmm. While I have been in Kiev, I have read several books. All very good. Two I will mention. 1) Maximum City – Bombay Lost and Found. This is a very good book – but rather long. It goes way into underground India – more specifically Bombay. If you have an interest in the Indian culture as I do – it is a very good insight. Also, another good book on India – A Fine Balance – is probably one of the best books I have ever read on the Indian culture and history. If anyone is interested in my collection – let me know. 2) Memoirs of a Geisha. Very good book. Now, I can’t wait to get home and see the movie – I will probably have to wait for it to come on Comcast In-Demand though. By time I get home – it might even be on DVD.

I brought several of my Bollywood movies with us on this trip – to try and get mummy into it --- but she doesn’t like them. Anyway, I have watched them and love them. We have more families coming daily – which means we have more people to swap movies with.

We did some more sightseeing on Friday. I bet we walked over 6 miles looking at churches – all of them are on top of a freaking hill though. I never appreciated the flatness of Texas as much as I do right now. I did however manage to successfully negotiate a cab back. He started at 50 grivna – but I got him to 30. That was too easy. The ride was probably worth 50 grv – since it was rush hour. I was proud of myself. My self-imposed Russian lessons are paying off!

We are meeting so many more American families. We hang out with Hadas and Jonathon from Florida – they are so much fun. Last night we had Indian food – and while there this little boy – he was so cute – that kept prancing by us. We decided we have had enough of this waiting stuff and we might just take him home. But his momma rescued him. : ) There is still no news from the NAC. We do not know when they will be open. We also met another couple, Sean and Karin, who we will be meeting tomorrow night for dinner. Pretty soon – we should all be able to obtain citizenship!

I do have to say – Linda might be a little on the edgy side. She has started using the “f” word. I tell her it is not becoming. And, I appreciate her not using that language around me, lest she accidentally use it in front of my precious princess. We have slight differences in how we live. I am clean and tidy --- she is not. So, with all the added stress – you can imagine how heated it gets around here. So much for righteousness. (she says I drove her to it)

Thanks to each of you who email me and call me! It means the world to me that people are thinking about me. I never expected this to be so hard – but so many people have been so supportive – I am blessed to have such friends in my life.

Today – we have been here 39 days. Tomorrow will be day 40. Didn’t God “rescue” Noah after 40 days and 40 nights? If so – maybe tomorrow he will rescue me! Until my next update – have a lovely week!