Nohl - Nada - Nil - Zilch - Nothing

As usual, nothing is going on. I have though; put together a list of things I miss:

My precious dog
My friends - family
My bed
My car (I want to drive somewhere so bad)
My house
Highspeed internet
A responsive government
Tex-Mex

I am very perplexed at how my eating habits have changed. At home – when I get depressed/stressed/anxious – I eat. Here it is just the opposite. Today – I had to force myself to eat at least one meal. I am just not hungry. If it wasn’t for Linda – I probably wouldn’t eat until I was starving. I bet I have lost 10 to 15 lbs. Tonight – I put on a pair of pants, they fell down my rear. I saw some jeans in the store here the other day - $110 equivalent – NO WAY. Mom told me to get a belt and make do. Think I might. I am excited about this since I put on too much weight during my 20 month wait for this adoption. I just gotta keep this up when I get back home. I met a girl on Wednesday and wound up walking over 8 miles RT. Up and down hills – so I know I am getting good exercise.

We met another American couple Tuesday and Wednesday nights. They are awesome people and have found the most beautiful 10-year old girl. (Kim and Mark from Kentucky) They had court on Monday and are now awaiting the 10 day court wait. They introduced us to an American style food store – so we picked up a few things. It was very nice. So glad we found it.

I have been sleeping a lot. I don’t mind. But, it is driving Linda crazy. What else are we going to do? See downtown Kiev and the sights – one more time?

I went to Children’s Hope orphanage today to take the kids some Christmas boxes and watch them open. It was so cool. The kids are so cute. Again – I just wanted to take them all home. I have to say – the people of Ukraine are so awesome. Everyone has made us feel at home and checks on us often. People have offered to give up their homes so we would not have to pay for rent. Incredible and giving people. I am happy to know my daughter has a wonderful culture of people in her heritage.

Today it is the coldest it has been here. Probably zero or below – and over 3 feet of snow on the ground. It is so cold – it hurts when the air hits your skin.

Really, nothing new to report. Just waiting for the NAC to open. Keep prayers for a good first referral.

Week 3.5 and Counting in Kiev

We are majorly bored. I have mastered solitaire and become a pinball wizard! Although, we went to St. Sophia’s on Tuesday with one of the graduate students from Orphanage 12. He was a hoot. His name was Maksim – and he was the cutest thing. Had red hair and blue eyes – I wanted to take him home. Then, that night, we went to some friends we met through Bogdan. Sergey and Natasha. They cooked a Ukrainian feast for us. It was so awesome. They had a lovely home and we had a good time visiting with them.

Monday and Tuesday I was really depressed. No appointment in sight for another week or so. It is getting tiring over here – and we really aren’t doing much. We shop, sightsee, and fight a little – then hugs and kisses and go to bed. We have watched all the movies we brought – I didn’t bring that many. Little did I know… The only news we get is from the US embassy. One day it is encouraging, the next day not so encouraging. Basically, we are going to be here in Kiev another week to 15 days at least.

We have one English speaking channel – BBC World. They replay the same news at the top of each hour. I told mother if I hear Turkey is going to be kicked out of the EU for the spread of bird flu – one more time – I will scream.

Every map I have picked up has advertisement sections for American men looking for Ukrainian wives (i.e. slaves of the domestic and “relations” sort). I had a lengthy debate about this with my friend Bogdan. He agrees with me as to how sick and disgusting this is. Especially when a large percentage of these girls are the ones that have just been released from the orphanage and have no where to go. They get promises of a better life from these “agencies”, which take advantage of them and abuse them, basically selling them in the human sex trade. It all looks so innocent, but really it is a sick business. If someone makes an educated decision to go into this “trade” on their own – more power to them and good luck in America. But, for those that truly have no way – which is where most of these girls come from – I really feel sorry for them. Ok – I will get off my soapbox.

Thursday we went shopping for books. I got my baby some Russian and Ukrainian books. I am going to try to find some more but I was only successful at finding 2 bookstores. I really want to find a bookstore with some recipes that might be in English for all these salads that are made here. They are so good. We have taken to walking different routes these days. After 21 days – it all looks the same.

Today – Friday – we got out again – and I found a children’s bookstore – and got some more cool books.

This weekend – I am hanging out with the graduate students from Orphanage 12 here in Kiev. Should be fun. Each month they have a meeting and are required to attend. They help do work around the orphanage and report back to Bogdan on their progress. In return, they get to apply for sponsors from the US through our L2O organization for trade school. (mechanic, sewing, chef, etc) It is a really good program and these kids are so cool. Since the government does not really help them, it gives them a start into the world.

Also, some more Americans are coming for their court – so we are meeting up with them this weekend. Gonna be a busy weekend.

Other than that – not much going on. No appointment in sight. But, the news is getting better. Will keep you all posted.

PLEA: If anyone has any scoop at all - send it our way. The only news we get is from daddy and he tells us about people we don't know (i.e. from his job). So, we know not to ask him about current events back home.

Hill from Hell

Friday
Curse that never-ending hill. I have decided I can live off cokes and m&ms and be just fine. If we want restaurants – have to go wayyyyyyy down the hill - then all the way back up. If we go to market – it is opposite way up the hill. So, I have decided food is not that important. Lest you think this is some little molehill – it is not. I guess what makes it harder is a -8 wind chill all the way up the hill whipping in my face.

Besides the hill, my other major gripe is bath-time. It is so cold here. And, with the cut in gas, we are losing heat and hot water each day. So, taking a bath is a chore in and of itself. Shaving is out. Although I do shave lest you think I am growing hairy over here. But, it is so painful. And, in an apartment that is cold, with lukewarm water at best – I might start doing smell-checks to decide if a bath is really necessary. : ) When in Rome……

Today we went to Independence Square and saw the national Christmas tree and 500 santas. It was very nice. Mother was excited because last year she watched the elections and revolution on TV and was excited to see it live! They had pony and horse rides for the kids and little sleighs everywhere – it was cute. We then went to an Italian place for dinner where I got some uncooked chicken. Then, got a little stomach ache. Hey – at least it didn’t have the bird flu (to best of my knowledge).

Saturday
Today I went to the countryside with Bogdan. We went back to the O12 camp. We got up early and decided to take mass transportation (last time we hired a car at $50 to take us – but that was mainly because mummy didn’t want to try the metro). Anyway, today I was wishing for that car. At 6:45 this morning it was -10 with windchill – and walking 4 miles in that is almost illegal. Anyhoo – it was good to see the kids. They are so awesome! I know I have said it before – but I just want to take them all home. I got back to the apartment (not without having to climb 20 flights of stairs) around 4pm. Since I did not sleep the night before, I was very tired. Went to bed at 6:30pm – and woke when Mariana called at 2am this morning.

I bet you all think I am lazy – but I am not. But two forms of exercise I loathe are hills and stairs. Hate em! Yet here I am - facing them daily. Mom wanted food tonight – I told her in all I did over 10 miles today – I was not walking down that hill. Ate my m&ms and went to bed! Of course now, at 4am – my stomach is growling.

Sunday
We went to eat at Friday’s. (see Friday for my whining about the hill – curse that hill) I managed to go back to bed at 5am – then got up at noonish today. Sleeping my time in Ukraine away. That’s one way to make it go faster. I did pig out tonight though. So, I am fully set for at least a day now. Except, being full and walking that hill is worse. There is just nothing good about that hill.

Tonight I was entering my receipts in my spreadsheet for tracking costs here in UA. It came to about $30 per person for the 16 days we have been here. Not including apartment rent which would make it about $55 per person. Mummy is so excited about that – as she says Rachel Ray says $40 is what you should spend on food alone a day when you travel. We have that beat. Ours includes cell phones, internet, TP, lotions, my cokes and m&ms!!!!! She proposes we start our on TV show – and for kicks – I am going to add “cooking with dill”!

Just another cold, dreary day in my daughter’s homeland. Prayerfully, I will have an appointment this coming week and get to go pick her up! Thanks to each of you who send me encouraging emails and phone calls. That means so much to me. I thought I was going to be over here whining because no one cared about me and my wait or cancelled appointment. I am truly touched by the kindness of each of you! I will update this week after I know what the new AC is going to do. Dusveedunya!

Who Needs a Title? Nothing is Going On.

I really don’t have any interesting news – but just thought I’d let everyone know we are still hanging out in Kiev. Trying to stay (or even act like we are) busy. What, between all the naps, puzzles, movies, and computer games – we barely have time to eat. : )

Something we really aren’t use to - having to go the market at least every other day. They don’t do bulk here and packing is designed for everyone to shop daily. For example, when we buy bread – it lasts a day or two – then you start seeing mold on it or it goes very hard. There is a market about a quarter mile up the hill – and they cook foods for take away. BUT, everything is seasoned with dill. Now, at first – I was like – you are kidding me – dill on the chicken, dill on the potatoes, dill on the salad, dill on the bread, beans, everything. Wouldn’t you know I have acquired a taste for it. Now, I am trying to analyze everything from there and break down the ingredients so I can make when I get home. I am loving the potatoes with dill. I could live off them alone.

I woke today with a migraine – so we stayed in all day. I got up at noon – then napped from 2 to 6 – now here I am wide awake as usual. Bogdan came over tonight and we worked on some L2O stuff. Nice having him right here to work on it together rather than 50 emails back and forth.

I wrote about this via email to some of you. But, Linda and I have a phone stalker. The first time it happened – after the 3rd or 4th call – I got angry. We’d take the phone off the hook, but local people tried calling and we had to put it back. She just kept calling so mummy thought we could “make her go away with kindness” – FATCHANCE. Now she starts calling around 8am each day. She speaks English and Russian. She likes to sing (sometimes she tells us she is Britney Spears, sometimes her mother is Britney) so I have started singing along with her. It cracks mother up. For a day, I only spoke to her in French, but that kind of made her mad. She kept slamming the phone down on me – by the way – we guess she is between 9 and 12 years old – out of school with nothing to do. Mariana is her name – calling Americans and asking them where they live and what they do is her game. Tomorrow – I am pulling out the 50 Cent on her!

I am getting tidbits of news about the NAC – but nothing to post until I know it is not a rumor. Don’t want to get hopes up or down, and don’t want to spread news that is not confirmed.

I am going to be hanging out this weekend at Orphanage 12 – see the kids on their Christmas day. Then, meet up with the Vocational Students (older kids released from O12) to have a pizza party with them. These kids are so amazing – they overcome such adversity to try and live a normal life in a country not designed to support them. I wish I could do more – but for right now – my focus is on the adoption.

So, most of you probably have read about Russia cutting off the natural gas to Ukraine – as sort of some power struggle. Well, about 3 nights ago, we noticed it was getting colder – but the weather really hadn’t changed. Bogdan told us that everyone in the city was required to cut their gas usage by certain percentages or be fined. Linda and I are freezing. Some nights I am so cold I can’t sleep. Burrrrrrrr.

God love this country. Other than the extra money we are incurring and lack of much to do (a lot is closed for holidays) – it really isn’t that bad here. I would rather be in my own bed with my baby sleeping in hers – but that is not God’s plan right now. But, without saying too much……[this part of the blog will require you to read between the lines]. Certain products (we’ll just use an example of software) that might cost $800 in the US – can be bought still in the wrapper for $3 – and be perfectly usable. I am telling you – this is not stuff bought on the side of the street – it is bought in a computer store – all legit with a receipt. I found this out today when a friend purchased me a much needed item. They have everything…… So, in a couple of days, we are going shopping.

OK – when I have more news – or I get my conscience back – I will write more.

Down the Hill, Up the Hill ----

In case you wonder what we do all day. Mummy is scared of her shadow, so she drags me out each day. (Did I ever tell anyone how much I despise hills?) Well, we live at the top of the hill - food is at the bottom about a mile away. I am still existing on one meal and 2 cokes a day. Linda is now up to her normal 3 meals and snacks a day. I did drag her out to eat Indian food today - and surprisingly enough - she really liked it. This place was probably as good as Kiev gets - but it was expensive. But, a treat.

Someone told me to bring pants a size or two smaller - I did that and they already fit!

Next, I forgot to bring my lotion and my skin is really dry from the weather - so we went out searching for lotions. Only, all that we could find was high end (Chanel, Clinique, etc - at about $30 a bottle) or I didn’t know the Russian word for lotion and everyone gave me hand soap. Then, Linda showed her psoriasis and they all yelled "creme" - so lotion is creme. I managed to get that and some moisturizer for the face. Soon enough, I’ll be soft again.

New Years Eve in the city was exciting. Fireworks went off all over the city (and I mean all over - in front/behind our building, all along the river, downtown, everywhere) starting at midnight. At 4am - they were still going off in some places. I was suppose to hang out with my friend Bogdan, but he got a call from a student in need and had to go help him - so I was stuck here with Linda. Both her and Bogdan fretted that I might go somewhere alone. (Don’t these people know I travel the world by MYself.) Anyway, by time it was to do anything - we ordered pizza and stayed in.

The days are passing fastly enough. I am up all hours of the night. Then sleep till noon. Then go out till about 5pm. Then, in for the day. Sounds exciting, huh? Not much else to do - I would call and be on the phone for hours if the calling cards were not so expensive. So, if you are getting calls - you must be someone important!

Yesterday - we met a couple from Missouri who have adopted the most adorable 16 month-old girl. She is precious. We went sightseeing with them and had fun - and if they decide to stay in Kiev - will probably do some more sightseeing with them. They got caught in the shut-down too - basically they could not complete their adoption - so they had to leave their little girl in her region. They may go home and wait it there.

Kim and Heather - I miss you girls so much!!!!!! You may have to get a ticket and come visit. (Please - someone come visit as Linda is wearing out her welcome!) : )

You know - if one was desparate (as I am) they could say - the new NAC will be open in 7 days. May the time pass ever so fastly.

More updates to follow.............

AND THIS TOO SHALL PASS....................

BUT NOT WITHOUT A 30-DAY WAIT! As with any international adoption, the risk is high, mine is no different. So, I went back to the NAC today (got one of those frantic calls - get over here now) and was basically told the new administration would be in place on January 9. They will reassign appointments beginning January 10. I was told my appointment could be January 15 or February 1 or someday in between. Meanwhile, I was told I had two choices. 1) stay in the country and be given first chance when appointments are assigned, or 2) go home and maybe have to come back March/April/May. So, I signed an affidavit that I was not leaving the country in hopes I could get an appointment as soon as they are assigned. This is the prayer we are praying for - first available appointment. ASAP.

As you all can imagine, this is going to be one costly little adoption. Our apartment is $55 a night - you can do the math. Plus other necessities. This child better be rocking me when I am at the old people home!!!! : ) I guess I should thank God that I have the time off - and means to complete the adoption. I might have to go unpaid up-front - but I think I can make it. My vacation pay runs out on Feb. 15 - then I have to go unpaid. The company will not pay maternity leave until I actually have a kid. That goes for FMLA time as well. So, I am stressed about being without medical or other benefits. And, being away from home this long.
Linda and I went exploring today and saw the first McDonald’s here in Kiev. I remember reading someone else’s blog before and they ate at a different McD’s everyday. We won’t be doing that. OYE.......

What else? I can tell everyone about the half pint of cherries I paid $20 for? Go ahead and laugh. Here, once you touch something - it is yours or you get yelled at. Well, I saw some gorgeous cherries and told Linda I had to have them. I touched the ones I wanted - she said here is price - I said NO - she yelled and told me they were mine - so, long story short, we are savoring every last one of those cherries. DOH!

Funny thing - I met the director of the NAC today and she was very nice. But, at one point she yelled at a Spanish couple. So, I saw her mean side. It was kind of rude. Then, she went back to smiling - since the new director was in tow. He seems nice......we will see. Also, she gave a pitch about how sorry she was that the adoption process was being halted, it was not the fault of the NAC - they were innocent in this and they just want to find these children homes. Whatever..........

So, it looks like I will be in Kiev for a while. With my four shirts and 3 pair of pants. If anyone wants to visit, let us know and we will greet you with open arms.

Que Sera, Sera.............................

Whatever will be, will be.. I guess the future is not MINE to see. I sent all an email about my cancelled appointment. What can you do????? No people, I didn't stop off in Amsterdam and buy weed or find any here - not smoking anything else. (but after dealing with mother for 4 days in close quarters - I may need some soon) I guess I just have a peace about waiting. I am not in control. I know that. So, I will be hanging out in Kiev until they give me an appointment and I can go pick Zoey up and get her home. (I have to have faith this will happen or I will lose it - I have waited so long - and I just can't imagine God would bring me here for nothing - I have to believe that!!!)

So, what have I been doing. Everything. We got in Saturday night. Came straight to apartment - which is in the city center and very nice. It is very cold here and snowing. But, very pretty. Sunday - I got up and called my friend Bogdan who came by and took Linda and I to eat and out shopping. And, he gave us his phone and set us up on his internet. This man is a awesome. He is so giving. He is the deputy director at Orphanage 12 here in Kiev and works so hard for these kids.

On Monday, Bogdan picked us up and we went to the O12 camp where the kids are spending Christmas and gave them a party. It was so nice and the staff were so touched. The kids loved the fruit and gifts we got them. It was a good day.

I was suppose to meet with my facilitator Vlad on Monday evening - but he cancelled. (bad omen) Anyway, Elena (translator) called and said my appointment was cancelled for Tuesday. I was upset to say the least. Bogdan was here and was upset too - so he had some nice words.

I got up today, Tuesday - Appointment day - and went to the NAC. They were nice - but offered no explanations. So, Elena will check back twice daily until we know what is happening. It may be mid-January before I get an appointment.

Getting lots of exercise (our apartment is at top of hill and about 1 mile from city center) - and not eating but one meal a day. (hard to find food with my limited Russian) I might just apply for Americas SuperModel after this!!! : )

Not much else to tell unless anyone wants to hear the ways I have sat in bed thinking of ways to choke Linda. Joe has spoiled her. She is SO dependent on him to do everything. She can't even dial a phone. She is very out of her element here - and knows she is stuck. So, she cries, whines, bitches, yells ---- YOU PEOPLE KNOW I HAVE NO TOLERANCE for dependency and weak people. Anyway, she just got a good laugh out of this.

What else......well, one thing. Over the last couple of months, one person has been there for me when I needed someone to talk to, when I needed encouragement, and when I needed to be reminded about the end result of this adoption (and also to tell me to suck it up when needed) - to HIM I want to say THANK YOU! You know who you are - Happy Birthday! You have been a Godsend and I will be forever thankful to you!

Happy Blessed New Year to you all!

Not Without My Daughter!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, I leave tomorrow. Thanks to all who called and sent messages wishing me well.

I got home a bit ago, and took a moment to reflect, because I have decided something is not right. I think it hasn't hit me yet. I am not freaked, nervous, excited, scared, or anything right now. Honestly, I have no emotion flowing through me. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME????????????? Maybe I am all of the above and in DENIAL? I think, I guess I just thought this day would never come. Now it is here - and I am a little too calm. Maybe God is telling me it will be OK. (THIS IS WHAT I HOPE IT IS). Or, maybe I feel I know this is not going to be easy and I am preparing/expecting the worse. Kind of a defeated attitude. I don't know.

Just please pray for me. Linda is not even getting on my nerves. : ) Let me tell you what my parents did for my Christmas. I had been so worried about the kids at the Orphanage in Kiev not having a Christmas party - I mean these kids have nothing. I wanted more than anything for them to have a good day and get a small gift. But, no one donated. Anyway, they donated the money to make this happen. It was the most touching thing they have ever done. (Thanks again to you both - I love you!)

I am mostly packed. Did something I said I wasn't going to do. I have 2 large suitcases. But, one is full of stuff for kids and I am leaving the bag in Ukraine. Just need to pack clothes. I noticed today everything I had set out was black. Oh well --- everything I have of color is too thin.

I guess throughout this process I have had lots of doubt, lots of stress, lots of emotions -- but one thing I have never questioned is that my daughter is in Ukraine. I know she is. And, I will not come home without her. So, if it takes 2 weeks, 4 weeks, or 10 weeks - I will find her and bring her home!

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and Happy New Year to you all.

Zoey and I will see you in 2006!

Could time BE passing any slower??????

I thought - "Hey - I'll do an update - a lot has happened since my last post which was weeks ago." Grrrrrr...It has only been 9 days. Although, it does bring a new meaning to the 12 days of Christmas - as I have 12 days before I leave. I have to say - the last week has been like a home free feeling. My last day of work is officially the 21st. Then, I don't go back until June 15 or July 5, maybe August 1. I am so ready for it. So, you are wondering - why the update???? Well.......let me start.

1) The room is set up! It is so cute! I didn't really do it - I met a guy in the adoption group who is so awesome (and generous) and he helped me. He took me to Ikea and helped me pick out what I would need, then put it all together. side note: he restoreth my faith in men. : )

2) I re-did the bathroom - all by myself. Duckies - it is so cute! And, colorful. This kid is going to want to bathe all the time.

3) My attitude is strong! So strong, I got a toddler bed and bought toddler clothes. I am praying for a toddler girl and leaving the rest to God.

4) I talked to my facilitator and he has me a room in Kiev we are ready to go! Talked to my translator and she thinks we are partying until my appointment date. (I am too old for that) I must say - I did find out who my translator is - and I met her back in September. Spent a lot of time with her - she is crazy. We had loads of fun - and I saw how she worked her butt off. I told her - I AIN'T coming home without a toddler girl. She said "I like your persistence - I bet you will". So - she is in it for the long-haul too!

5) I finally got off my butt and started getting things done. I feel ready to take on the world! The last few days at work were not that stressful. Matter of fact - Friday was kind of fun.
Several people even commented that I was looking happier than ever ----- little do they know! (I get to have a break from that place for 7 months) On another side note - I realize how fortunate and blessed I am to have a great job. So, I don't want to bash my work too much. It has afforded me an opportunity to get a child which I so desparately want.

6) Spencer gets to stay with "Granny #2" as my mother calls her. So, she will spoil him rotten(er) and he will weigh 100 lbs by time I get back! But, he will get his lovins every day. She treats him so good.

OK - I will probably update one more time before I leave. Please pray for me and my appointment - which is just 15 days away!!!! More later.............

DECEMBER - GLORIOUS DECEMBER

OK – It is December 2nd – start checking back often so you can see my updates on freaking out. 21 days before I leave!!!!!!!!

Croatia was beautiful. Very Mediterranean and the food was good. The people spoke flawless English and the scenery was incredible. What a nice getaway. Again, I will try to upload a photo or two. I kind of forgot how to though.....

Just last night I finally got all the furniture out of the tot’s room, and will start this weekend getting the room in order. Although, someone pointed out to me that the bed I have has slots that are too wide and my precious Zoey might get her little head stuck in there – so I may have to find a new bed. Joy – more money. This kid is costing a fortune!

Great news!!!!!! The employer is now paying 8 paid weeks off for adoption. I now have 14 weeks off paid. What an awesome gift that is! Thank you, God. Now, I might just take off until August 1 instead of June 1. Watch out - you just might see me at the zoo, arboretum, chuck-e-cheeses. I am going to be living up that time off!

What else? I guess because I might be freaking out too much - I might be tired. Thus, nothing much else is going on! But, check back soon - I might change my mind the next day!

Where Do I Start????

Well, first of all I have 35 days to go before I leave. I am NERVOUS, DEPRESSED, STRESSED, ANXIOUS, SCARED, EXCITED, HAPPY, OUT OF MY MIND CRAZY WITH THOUGHTS OF "what if". I can hardly function. But, you will all be happy to know I haven't gone off the deep end yet - even though last weekend I got close. I got up at 12:30 on Saturday - drank my coke - laid on the couch - took a nap for 3 hours - then went to bed early. All the while never getting out of my pajamas or even eating that day! I lost myself 3 lbs last weekend.

I never in my wildest dreams ever even thought how emotional and draining this process would be. Especially when you think about all the kids who need homes - that it would just be easy. But, it isn't. I mourned the day my doctor told me I would never have kids (i.e. I cried and cursed) --- and now I look back and think to myself - "Why?". Does it matter whether this child passes through me or not? I have people who have asked me how I can love another person's child, or saying they are a throw-away, there is a reason they got left..... Well, I thank God every day one woman decided to give up her child or children. I will take them and not think twice about the loss of never having my own. I think I have always known deep down I would adopt - whether I could have my own or not.

Things are very rough in Ukraine right now with adoptions. They stopped accepting applications from Americans back in September and so far have not started accepting them again. Of course, I read blogs from people who are currently adopting and it has become an obsession. As if one adoption experience gauges them all? I guess I just want to make sure no one gets my little Zoey. For a long time I put off setting up her room - for fear it might not happen or I'd come home childless, but I have started buying some things. Her room has been painted lavender since September 2004.

I went to Japan the first weekend in November. It is a beautiful country. Wish I had seen more of it. I was only there 4 days and I got salmonella my first night. I was so sick - fever, chills, vomiting - it was not nice. Thought I was gonna have to get Linda on plane to Japan. But, I got better. I will see if I can figure out how to post some photos. I am off to Croatia (and maybe Bosnia) next week. You know - Matt Lauer showed up in Dubrovnik last week! I was excited. It was nice and warm for him - very Mediterranean.

Oh yeah - I think I have money cause I am spending it like I change clothes - a lot. I went out and bought a handheld camcorder, that does digital stills as well, to take to Ukraine. So, I can capture the orphanage on film. My precious will want to see it someday. Or, maybe not but I will have it.

I am still counting down the work days. Let's see, 35 days - 10 weekend days - 2 holidays - 1 vacate day = 22 work days. I have an insurance settlement coming for the accident in May - and I am hoping it is enough that I can take an extra 2 weeks off (at least) before I leave. I just can't take much more. Of course the situation is heightened by my current state of waiting for this adoption. So, pray for a nice settlement.

What's funny is every day I whine how long this is taking ---- and mother is fretting how fast it is flying. She is stressing over it getting here to soon - and it ain't moving fast enough for me. She will be rethinking her decision to want to go about day 4 when I am stressed beyond belief telling her to shut it and leave me alone. We have a contract though - it says she has to suck it up and deal --- because she knows I am sometimes impatient, aggressive, bitchy, moody, and in this case all of the above at once. Her bad......... : )

What else - oh Spencer. I can't wait for Zoey to meet him and vice versa. We put him in a doggy door last month - he loves that thing. Oddly enough, I don't think he uses it unless I am at home. But, I tell him his bad for holding it when he can go out. He has started doing that early mornings and it is wonderful. If I could find a self feeder - I would be set. Except, now Zoey is coming along - so I am sure she will replace Spencer with the I want food at 6am.

OK - that is your November update. Nothing else that I can think of right now. Happy Thanksgiving to you all. Also, I have a friend waiting for an appointment date and would everyone to pray! These kids deserve homes and the quicker people get appointments the sooner they can get out of those orphanages.

Getting Closer

OK PEOPLE!!!! It is getting a little real. I bought the airline tickets today. (BTW - I guess Linda (i.e. Mother) is going since I got her ticket too!!!!) Say it with me - $1306 round trip. Can you believe that? It all stems from the fact that I have to leave on December 22 or 23. So, they got me. Anyway, I am one step closer. (and 66 days before I leave) PRAISE GOD!!!!!

Not much is happening though. I am still hating on the job. I did tell the partners - they were less than joyful. As if I care. Matter of fact - they were rude come to think of it. Oddly enough, Partner #1 was worried I was leaving (another Partner told me) - but given his response to my news, he has to know I wouldn't come back to that mentality. (has something to do with the job coming first)

Anyway, I am just trying to make it though the next 9 weeks. (44 work days - 2 holidays - 3 vacate days = 39 days of actual work left!!!!!) I know - I need to get a grip!

But, I get the best Christmas gift of all this year. I get to spend with kids who have no concept of materiality and will be thankful for anything they receive. I can't wait. I am buying all kids of stuff for them. It is so fun. They expect nothing and are so grateful. Brings such tears to me.

I finally told Joe and Linda (the 'rents) what I plan to name my child. Surprisingly, they thought it was a pretty name. I don't think they were expecting it to be that --- but they liked it. Just so you all know --- I am not into plain Jane names. (even though I love the name Jane) One of my choices was Riley Jane. But, it sounded to Kentucky/Arkansas/Tennessee. My other favorite names were Hayden Isabella (too long), Lucy Amaya (I hate "I Love Lucy" show - but like the name), Avery Sofia (this is still a close second), another choice was Kendall Shay (but my niece made fun it). Also, Greta Amelia, Olivia Claire, and Claire Elyse. But, another name stole my heart a year and a half ago when I started this process. And to me - she has always been known as Zoey Alyssa. I pray for her by that name - I pray someone is loving her, she is not hungry, she is happy, and she knows that I am coming to get her soon.

All's I can say is "oh crap" if it is a boy....... : ) Don't really like any boy names and my heart is on a little girl. But, Owen comes to mind............ "Owen loves his momma" - though is what I think of every time I say the name............. Please dear God, let it be a girl! : )

Oh - I have been learning Russian. I think I am getting good - but the tapes I am using are geared toward a vacation trip. So, I got lots more learning to do. I am very slow at learning Cyrillic though.

Nothing else is new. I am passing the time and getting a few trips in. I am going to Osaka, Japan the first week in November and to Croatia for Thanksgiving. Two places I have been wanting to go - and decided I better do it now while I can. Not much happens around her for Thanksgiving anyway --- so - will be cool to be in Croatia soaking up the Mediterranean.

Maybe I will have much stuff to tell in November. Until then - Dusveedunya (I don't have Cyrillic on my keyboard - so have to improvise with how it sounds!)

90 Days Before I Leave!!!!!!!!!!

Well - I said I wouldn't start a countdown until it hit the double digits -- well here I am!!!!!!!!! My plan is to leave on the 23 or 24th - and my appointment is on the 27th -- so 94 days until that appointment! OH people - I am going to need prayers on the 27th especially. (feel free to pray before then - but especially on the 27th). The director is a mean lady and hates Americans.

But, I digress. So, what has happened since August when I last wrote. So much. I am hating on the job. It is too high stress, long hours, interesting projects to say the least...Managing egos is a full time job there. Anyway, 90 days..........

So, what is happening? Britney had her baby! The world is complete now. (just kidding)

I went to Ukraine Sept 2 - 11. I fell in love with the country and the people. And, the kids in the orphanages. I went to 4 orphanages while there. OY! There are too many kids that need homes. I went to a baby orphanage in Donestk (near Russian border) - be still my heart. There were some of the most beautiful children there. All calling me "mama" --- of course I would love to be mama to any of them. It was also heartbreaking to see some of the kids that were sick and unhealthy. Just very sad.

I got to visit 3 orphanages in Kiev that I work with and meet the people I interact with daily. They are such awesome people. So giving. Yet, they have nothing. Needless to say, there was a 3 year old girl in one of the orphanages that I fell in love with. She was so shy - then attached to me quickly. OHHHHH - I can't get her out of my head. I have her photo but am scared to view it. It depresses me. You see, this child had red hair. Which is an oddity in Ukraine. (and a national geographic fact for you ---- only 4% of the worlds population has red hair)..... I know I have told you people how much I want a red headed child......... It kills me. And, no - I can't just go get her. (or she would be here now!) She was found on the streets looking for food - at age 3 - they found relatives who did not want her --- so she will be in orphanage. Why does God allow some people to reproduce? This baby was searching trash cans for food.

The orphanage I work with takes in kids found on the streets of Kiev. They do amazing things with these kids. They are teaching them English, how to succeed in life, and trying their best to teach them how to be loved. At the older kids orphanage - I met so many kids who just wanted a family. Some of them told me their stories - to which I cried. But, they comforted me - and kept saying it was OK. They were happy now. They would love a family - but are so happy to be off the streets. These are kids as young as 3 and old as 13. I met one girl whose parents prostituted her at 4 - then at 6 got to old and used and turned her to the streets. Another girl talked about having to sleep with grown men just for food at age 7 - 9. We have such a sick world. This girl was an artist and she showed me some of her paintings - but I couldn't buy them. She said they were her heart and soul. Those kids taught me a valuable lesson. They are happy with nothing. They live day to day - and if needs are provided for a day --- they could ask for nothing more. I realized how we all get caught up in stuff. And, how selfish I sometimes am. Worried about petty things.

The Ukraine system is so broken. I went to another orphanage that is labeled as "retarded kids" - but these kids were not retarded. They had typical delays from not having love, attention, nurturing and proper education - but they were not retarded. They were just typical kids. All 120 kids at the orphanage were adoptable, but because the orphanage is labeled as such, no one will go adopt there. Most of the kids are older there. My friend Bogdan (who is the most incredible person I have ever met) works as the director of this orphanage. He is such a champion for these kids. God bless him is all I can say.

By the way, this orphanage has never had a Christmas party - and I want more than anything to give them one this year. I am donating money - but can't foot it all. Is anyone willing to help? I estimate it will cost $500 --- for a small gift and treats and decorations. If you are able to help - email me and let me know.

I got to witness the adoption experience first hand. I got to grow me some patience. I did pretty good this visit. But, that sitting around waiting is crap! And, it was like 90+ degrees and miserable. No ACs anywhere. At night it cooled down. (too hot won't be my problem in December) But, there were times we'd have to sit outside on the curb (literally) for hours and wait for someone to sign a piece of paper.

Anyway, I am ready to go tomorrow. But, I will wait my 90 days!

I was hoping to take Russian lessons - but the class got cancelled. Then, I tried to do private lessons - but Russian is rare (so they tell me) and they wanted $100 per lesson. Never mind I took Spanish for $25 per lesson. SO, I guess I will have to resort to the CDs I bought.

That's it for this update. I am just doing my update and hoping for rain from Rita.

Jennifer

August - One Month Closer

Well, a lot has been going on in casa-Hanks. Another month down, 5 more to go. (I did say I wouldn't do this didn't I?)

First and foremost, my friend in Atlanta found the most adorable 3 year old girl - she is beautiful! I am so happy for her. I also get the privilege of going with her in September to pick her up. In Ukraine, they have a law that no child can be released to adoptive parents for 30 days. But most times, the judges will waive the 30 days. This one did not -- so she had to come home without the child and go back. I am excited and nervous to go. But, bought my ticket so off I go. So, the 8 weeks of hell in Ukraine turned out to be worth it. And expensive. Anyone willing to donate to the adoption fund? : )

Next, I haven't had to travel for work in a few months! YEA! However so much has gone on and taken lots of time off....going back to work was hard. But, que sera! I get to stay in town, but have to drive an hour and 15 minutes to work - unless I leave at 6:30am/pm.

What else....Well, I had the rare privilege of visiting a group home for kids here in Dallas in July. Let's just say --- I cried when I got home. Actually, I sobbed in my car outside the children's home. You see - approximately 4 to 5 miles from my house, there are about 40 kids that need homes (aged 0 to 11). I don't know how long some of those kids have been there - but they have been abused and neglected. It kills me so much when I think about this. I am going 6,000 miles from my home to get a child, when there are so many close to home. I saw some toddlers I would take in a heartbeat. Many have asked "Why aren't you adopting kids here - so many kids here need a home" - I just want to scream "PEOPLE - FOR THE LAST TIME - I KNOW THAT. Before you ask a STUPID/ JUDGING question like that - do your research". For all of you fortunate enough to be able to have your own kids and never have to delve into the adoption world -- let me tell you -- 1) it is not easy, 2) be on your knees thanking God you were blessed with fertility. CPS is the biggest joke. And, lots of times the parents come back for the kids, and 9 times out of 10 -- a judge will award the kids to their biological parents. Even though their parental rights were terminated - mainly abuse, drugs, neglect. CPS steers you toward "fostering" - so you will take the kids in and they can rip them away in 1 to 2 years. And, as a single, they are very willing to offer me an older child with AIDS, severe emotional/physical challenges -- i.e. the kids that need most attention. Let me just say, if you are interested in how the process works - go to http://www.dfps.state.tx.us/Child_Protection/ I made it very easy for you - just research all you like.

I have told limited people about my adoption. If you are getting this blog, it is not for you to share. I did not forget to send to anyone - I sent only to those I intended to see. The predictability in Ukraine is nonexistent - and the possibility of coming home without a child happens. I pray daily it does not happen to me --- but it could. Would I be devastated if that were to happen? YES. Would I be angry? YES. Then, the last thing I need is everyone feeling sorry for me. Hence, the limited list of those who were sent this site. The details of my adoption are private and for a few select people to view.

Oh - and while in Ukraine in September - I get to meet my facilitator - Vlad. Got lots to say to him. And, I get to meet three people - Bogdan, Kristina and Alla -- as I work with them on a daily basis for Life 2 Orphans. They are the Ukraine contacts for the 1 orphanage and 2 college programs I manage from the US. I am very excited. I can go meet everyone without the stress of the adoption. I will also be taking all my updated paperwork to Vlad - as since my appointment is a year late - I had to redo all the paperwork. You guessed - double the cost!

What else???? Oh - the employer gave all the managers Treos. You know those handy gadgets - all in one - includes a quad-band phone, keyboard, camcorder, digital camera, MP3 player, radio, etc - I thought my little quad-band Nokia with keyboad, camera was awesome. Can't wait to get mine - it is on order. How cool will this little device be in Ukraine? A camcorder the size of a cell phone??? What an awesome perk!!!!

Ok - that might be the August update. I am still healing from surgery. Silly me, I thought it would only take a couple of weeks - here I am 5 weeks out and still sore and in pain. I thought when they removed organs there was nothing to be in pain anymore.......I guess I thought wrong.

Anyways - Happy August to you all. Please keep me and my adoption in your prayers and that there is a healthy little girl under 3 just waiting for me to pick her up on December 27.

Jennifer

July -- 6 Months to Go! (woohoo)

OK - it is mid-July. Not much has really happened.....well. First off, I have been off work since June 10 -- and loved most every minute of it. I had to go to training for 3 days in Colorado Springs in late June, and 3 days in Dallas --- but other than that, just been hanging. I go back to work (actual work) tomorrow. Gonna be busy catching up. I was in office last Friday and my to do list was a mile long....guess I will spend the next month catching up.

I had surgery on July 1. That was not fun. The healing part has been longer and harder than I thought. Mommy Dearest came to stay with me for a few days. That was so much fun. This woman who takes 2 naps a day wants to go to Ukriane with me.....she better start weaning herself of those naps and get some pep! Needless to say, 4th of July was uneventful for me.

No adoption news. Have a friend in Ukraine right now and after 4 weeks, she does not have a referral for a child. This is not good and not encouraging to me. They showed her very unhealthy kids. (I will leave it at that) It has been such a strain on her. She has her last appointment tomorrow -- we are hoping it goes well. It is such a scary thing. Sometimes I ask myself "why are you doing this". Probably one of the most stressful and emotional things I have ever done. One reason so many problems right now is the restructuring. Maybe it will be better by December when I am there. I did hear from my facilitator that on December 30 everything will shut down for 2 weeks in Ukriane. SO, I will have to find something to do or just wait around. My appointment is Dec. 27 --- so who knows what will happen.

I checked on direct flights to other European cities from Kiev and there are plenty - as well as some African cities. So, since mother has never been outside the good ole USA --- I am thinking we will venture out to see some of Europe. Our choices will be Athens, Greece; Riga, Latvia; Sofia, Bulgaria; Stockholm, Sweden; and Warsaw, Poland. If Linda will relax a little -- I will try to get her to Tripoli, Libiya or Cairo, Egypt. We will see.........

We will be leaving for Ukraine on December 24.....may or may not hang out in London for a day. Haven't decided yet. If we are having so much down time --- may just cirlce back and go later.

Oh yeah -- my house did not sell. The buyers backed out because I would not vacate in 9 days. There was no way I could because of the trip to Colorado Springs and surgery. So, they wanted to take possession by July 1 -- there was no way for me to do that. I have thought about doing some remodeling on the house and keeping it if it does not sell by late July/early August.

Well, that is the July update. Maybe August will be more interesting. Please keep me in your prayers and my adoption. I firmly believe that is what it will take to bring home a healthy toddler girl!

Jennifer

Jennifer at the Taj Mahal - Agra, India 

St. John USVI

Lazy Days of June

Not much is happening in June....well, I am sitting around waiting on the people who submitted an offer on my house to decide if they like the counter-offer. I am guessing since it has been 3 days, they don't much like it. I love my house, and it pains me to sell it --- but I need more room. What - with all my stuff, a dog and a kid. I need my space! : ) Anyway, my realtor decided to do an "open house" today, but nobody showed up. He forgot it was Father's day. Oh well....

As you all can see I am trying to play with this blog thing to learn how to post pictures. I posted one I took this week in St. John, and one from India in January. Do you all want to hear again how awesome India is? What a cool place. If you ever get the chance to go -- GO. You will never forget the place. It has been months since I have been back -- and I miss it at times. Don't get me wrong, it had it's moments. The poverty wore on me quick. I have never in my entire life experienced something so life changing. I have never seen poverty or such horrible social injustices any where else in the world.

I actually took 7 days off of work. That is a first in a long time! But, I got the ole use it or lose it memo (vacation days) -- and they decided I could not carry it over to the next year (that being the work year - so as of 9/30) I still have 5 more days to use before then, so I guess I will just have to plan on going somewhere cool. On my list --- Thailand. I hope I can find an airfare cheap enough to go -- as I was heartbroken at not being able to go in May because of the wreck.

Speaking of which, I am on the mend. Had an MRI (I will get back to that in a minute) and it came out all clear. I will still be having surgery on July 1 (just in time to ruin my 4th of July weekend)....Wish someone would have told me about the MRI -- oh my gosh -- I cried like a baby. The guy thought they'd have to restrain me -- I kept hitting the panic button telling the guy the table was moving in closer and was about to have my head in the tube --- he kept telling me the table was not moving...whatever. I am way clausterphobic.

I went to St. John for a week this past week. Found a cheap airfare, used hotel points, and got myself a cheap vacation and a sunburn from hell. I did nothing but go from my room to the beach every day. It was nice, but now back to reality.

While I was gone, a lot happened in Ukraine. Since they got a new President in January, he is making a lot of changes. So, as of June 15, they will not accept dossiers (paperwork to request a child) for 2 months. I am told this will not affect me since I have been approved and have a date. But, Ukraine (UA) is trying to make things better for the orphans -- and they think a "foster care system" like the US will be great. (is anyone laughing yet?) One thing they are tossing around is for people who take kids in UA (adopt them) they will give them a monthly payment for their care.....great. We all know how this works, the people take the money and don't care for the kids. Especially in a country where the average annual per capita is the equivalent of $2460. Also, children will now be offered to UA families first -- not a big change there. There seems to be a stigma that the kids in the orphanges are "untouchables" of sorts. Anyway, the goal of the new system is to keep as many kids in UA as possible before they are offered to foreigners. Ho-hum --- let's see how much this changes before I actually go in December. Provided that does not change.

My friend Stacey Parker left today (she lives in Atlanta) for UA. She is hoping to adopt a toddler girl. Her appointment is on June 22. We have been counting down the days since she got her notice in late January. For those of you who pray, if you can say a little prayer for her on Tuesday night -- that would be awesome.

On a much more side note, I just slammed my ankle into the side of my desk and am in excrutiating pain. So, I will stop here now. I won't even bore you with the countdown number of days until it is at least double digits! : )
Happy Fourth of July to all.

Appointment Date is Known

Well, today I am starting a blog for my adoption to find my daughter. I received my appointment date on May 19 via FedEx from Ukraine. That date is December 27, 2005. Not exactly the July to September date I asked for --- but I am dealing with many unknowns. I am very blessed to at least have a date as many people are still awaiting dates and submitted their paperwork months before me.

All of my paperwork expires (how is this for timing --- December 27, 2005)! I was looking at my submitted dossier today and saw that -- then cracked up laughing. What an interesting occurrence?

For those of you wondering, I have requested a 1 to 3 year old girl. But that is very hard to find in Ukraine. Seems everyone is looking for that age and gender. For some reason, there is 1 girl for every 4 boys. Why does no one want the boys??? I ask myself that all the time -- it seems sad. I am just as guilty. I don't want a boy, as I am single, and I think it would be too hard to raise a boy without a constant male role model in his life. Plus, my heart's desire is a little girl.

Another thing, I have sent a letter to the NAC (Ukraine National Adoption Center) and pleaded for an earlier date so that I do not have to re-do all the paperwork. The cost is roughly $2000 --- but my little princess will be worth it if I have to re-do.

My house has been on the market for 6 weeks now, and I have had 3 offers. None that we could settle on. So, I at least have time to get settled in a new house before Princess arrives. Hopefully the house will sell soon enough. I have located several houses I like. 3 in Plano and 2 in Firewheel. We'll see how it all turns out once I sell the house.

I am slowly getting over the May 6 car accident. For those who do not know, I was coming home from the airport in my car service, minding my own business in the back seat (not wearing a seat belt) when we were side-swiped and rear-ended. Won myself a trip to the ER. I broke the passenger side window with my head (concussion), crashed on my butt (slightly fractured tailbone), and messed up my mouth pretty bad. Still limping a little, have a permanent dent in my butt, have bad headaches; but am functioning. I am now a proponent of back-seat belts. EVERYONE --- WEAR THEM!

In the meantime, to keep myself busy (as if the job doesn't busy me enough), last October I became involved with Life 2 Orphans (L2O). It is an organization that was started by some women who adopted children from Ukraine and saw firsthand the horrible conditions in which they live. I am the coordinator for all vocational programs. These programs help to support children once they leave orphanages. Currently, they are released at 16 -- to the streets unless some kind souls choose to help them find a job or get educational training. L2O also helps kids within the orphanages. We seek sponsors to send care packages to kids so that they will have a little light in their lives. It makes such a huge difference. I pray every day that I find my child at one of the orphanages we happen to support - because at the baby orphanages we have programs for feeding the children. Rather than me rewriting what we do --- take a look at Life2Orphans.org. We are growing by leaps and bounds. If anyone wants to help out -- let me know.

I will try not bore everyone over the next 7 months, but will periodically update to let everyone know how things are progressing. I decided to make the blog in pink, to represent my search for a little girl. My main facilitator's name is Vlad. From what I hear, he is the best. So far, he has proven himself from what he can control. Let's hope he delivers in December.

I will update periodically until I get ready to leave for Ukraine. Then, I will try to update daily or as often as I can while in Ukraine. It will be below zero freezing weather, what else will I do?

With that, I will sign out!

Jennifer