Where Do I Start????

Well, first of all I have 35 days to go before I leave. I am NERVOUS, DEPRESSED, STRESSED, ANXIOUS, SCARED, EXCITED, HAPPY, OUT OF MY MIND CRAZY WITH THOUGHTS OF "what if". I can hardly function. But, you will all be happy to know I haven't gone off the deep end yet - even though last weekend I got close. I got up at 12:30 on Saturday - drank my coke - laid on the couch - took a nap for 3 hours - then went to bed early. All the while never getting out of my pajamas or even eating that day! I lost myself 3 lbs last weekend.

I never in my wildest dreams ever even thought how emotional and draining this process would be. Especially when you think about all the kids who need homes - that it would just be easy. But, it isn't. I mourned the day my doctor told me I would never have kids (i.e. I cried and cursed) --- and now I look back and think to myself - "Why?". Does it matter whether this child passes through me or not? I have people who have asked me how I can love another person's child, or saying they are a throw-away, there is a reason they got left..... Well, I thank God every day one woman decided to give up her child or children. I will take them and not think twice about the loss of never having my own. I think I have always known deep down I would adopt - whether I could have my own or not.

Things are very rough in Ukraine right now with adoptions. They stopped accepting applications from Americans back in September and so far have not started accepting them again. Of course, I read blogs from people who are currently adopting and it has become an obsession. As if one adoption experience gauges them all? I guess I just want to make sure no one gets my little Zoey. For a long time I put off setting up her room - for fear it might not happen or I'd come home childless, but I have started buying some things. Her room has been painted lavender since September 2004.

I went to Japan the first weekend in November. It is a beautiful country. Wish I had seen more of it. I was only there 4 days and I got salmonella my first night. I was so sick - fever, chills, vomiting - it was not nice. Thought I was gonna have to get Linda on plane to Japan. But, I got better. I will see if I can figure out how to post some photos. I am off to Croatia (and maybe Bosnia) next week. You know - Matt Lauer showed up in Dubrovnik last week! I was excited. It was nice and warm for him - very Mediterranean.

Oh yeah - I think I have money cause I am spending it like I change clothes - a lot. I went out and bought a handheld camcorder, that does digital stills as well, to take to Ukraine. So, I can capture the orphanage on film. My precious will want to see it someday. Or, maybe not but I will have it.

I am still counting down the work days. Let's see, 35 days - 10 weekend days - 2 holidays - 1 vacate day = 22 work days. I have an insurance settlement coming for the accident in May - and I am hoping it is enough that I can take an extra 2 weeks off (at least) before I leave. I just can't take much more. Of course the situation is heightened by my current state of waiting for this adoption. So, pray for a nice settlement.

What's funny is every day I whine how long this is taking ---- and mother is fretting how fast it is flying. She is stressing over it getting here to soon - and it ain't moving fast enough for me. She will be rethinking her decision to want to go about day 4 when I am stressed beyond belief telling her to shut it and leave me alone. We have a contract though - it says she has to suck it up and deal --- because she knows I am sometimes impatient, aggressive, bitchy, moody, and in this case all of the above at once. Her bad......... : )

What else - oh Spencer. I can't wait for Zoey to meet him and vice versa. We put him in a doggy door last month - he loves that thing. Oddly enough, I don't think he uses it unless I am at home. But, I tell him his bad for holding it when he can go out. He has started doing that early mornings and it is wonderful. If I could find a self feeder - I would be set. Except, now Zoey is coming along - so I am sure she will replace Spencer with the I want food at 6am.

OK - that is your November update. Nothing else that I can think of right now. Happy Thanksgiving to you all. Also, I have a friend waiting for an appointment date and would everyone to pray! These kids deserve homes and the quicker people get appointments the sooner they can get out of those orphanages.