Not Without My Daughter!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, I leave tomorrow. Thanks to all who called and sent messages wishing me well.

I got home a bit ago, and took a moment to reflect, because I have decided something is not right. I think it hasn't hit me yet. I am not freaked, nervous, excited, scared, or anything right now. Honestly, I have no emotion flowing through me. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME????????????? Maybe I am all of the above and in DENIAL? I think, I guess I just thought this day would never come. Now it is here - and I am a little too calm. Maybe God is telling me it will be OK. (THIS IS WHAT I HOPE IT IS). Or, maybe I feel I know this is not going to be easy and I am preparing/expecting the worse. Kind of a defeated attitude. I don't know.

Just please pray for me. Linda is not even getting on my nerves. : ) Let me tell you what my parents did for my Christmas. I had been so worried about the kids at the Orphanage in Kiev not having a Christmas party - I mean these kids have nothing. I wanted more than anything for them to have a good day and get a small gift. But, no one donated. Anyway, they donated the money to make this happen. It was the most touching thing they have ever done. (Thanks again to you both - I love you!)

I am mostly packed. Did something I said I wasn't going to do. I have 2 large suitcases. But, one is full of stuff for kids and I am leaving the bag in Ukraine. Just need to pack clothes. I noticed today everything I had set out was black. Oh well --- everything I have of color is too thin.

I guess throughout this process I have had lots of doubt, lots of stress, lots of emotions -- but one thing I have never questioned is that my daughter is in Ukraine. I know she is. And, I will not come home without her. So, if it takes 2 weeks, 4 weeks, or 10 weeks - I will find her and bring her home!

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and Happy New Year to you all.

Zoey and I will see you in 2006!