Pretty in lime green! Going out on the town with mommy.
I worked very hard to get out a Christmas letter this year - and my printer has messed up. I put in new ink, re-adjusted alignment, etc - but nothing worked. So, I just decided to print my Christmas message on my blog. My Christmas card with Zoey's picture on it read "Home for the Holidays" - and the card had the following verse:
Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift! II Corinthians 9:15
Home for the Holidays – the card says it all. As you know – I have had a BIG year. On December 25, 2006 – Zoey and I will have been home 9 months. It seems like she has been here forever. A little bit about the last 2.5 years.
On May 22, 2004 I contacted a potential adoption facilitator in Florida for information on adopting in Ukraine. (this was after months of research and deliberation about whether to even adopt as I was single) At the time, I am not sure why I felt compelled to adopt from Ukraine, but 2 years later I know why. I looked into the US, China, and Russia. I just kept going back to Ukraine. Fast forward seven months (and loads of paperwork later) my dossier was complete: the date – December 27, 2004. (all paperwork was stamped with that date then sent to Ukraine). Fast forward (another term for endless waiting) and I was registered and received an appointment date on May 13, 2005: the appointment date – December 27, 2005.
Fast forward to December 23 – and my mother and I left for Ukraine. We arrived on Christmas Eve and spent Christmas Day with an Orphanage in Kiev that I work with. It was a great way to spend the day. December 26 – I got the call – the adoption center was shutting down. I went in on the 27th and met with the director and signed an affidavit that I would wait in Ukraine until the new administration took place on January 10, 2005. HA! I will save you the details…
December 27 – February 1 – lots of endless waiting (but we met some incredible people who we now call family)
February 2 – I had an appointment – and was given a referral for Zoey (she was the only child they would let me have)
February 6 – I met Zoey. To this day – I can shut my eyes and see her coming up the stairs where we waited – I knew it was her by her eyes. The most angelic creature God had ever created. I was in tears, mom was in tears, my translator was in tears. It was
truly a moment I will never forget.
March 9 – Zoey legally became my daughter.
March 25 – We landed at DFW – home at last.
May 22 - Zoey turned 2. (this is the same day I started my adoption)
I spent 93 days in Ukraine. Of those days – approx. 50% were below zero; 80% had snow on the ground; 95% there was no sun. It was a bitter-sweet process. One that I would do again in a heartbeat.
Today – Zoey is thriving. When I met her – she did not talk. She was under-nourished. She was quite and reserved. Now, she is a typical 2 year-old. Since we have been home – she has grown 5.5 inches and put on 5 pounds. She talks non-stop. She sings non-stop. She is loving, compassionate, humorous, intelligent, strong-willed and more than I ever could have hoped for. Not that all days are rosy, we are both still learning – but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
When I look back on the last 2.5 years – I see God’s hand in this whole process. He knew where I needed to be. Everything worked out so perfectly – though at the time I could not see that. If I had my original appointment on the 27th – I never would have gotten Zoey – she did not become available until Dec.31 – then was off the registry on January 16. If the director did not force me to take Zoey’s referral – I might have chosen another child. I almost did not go to the region where Zoey was because I just knew this was not my child. But because of my mother’s encouragement, along with my new friends, I went to meet her. My life will never be same.
I’d like to take this time to wish you all a Merry Christmas and a wonderful new year! May your lives be as blessed as ours! I will post photos as soon as I figure out how to do it under the new blogger.
Love, Jennifer and Zoey
In early October my friend Stacey from Atlanta come to visit with her daughter Emily. I went with Stacey to Ukraine last September to pick up Emily after a 30 day wait. Have you seen cuter kids anywhere else?
Mother asked that I set the record straight and let you all know that there is 2 sides to every story. Her side is "she has a life and a home with my daddy and that comes first". (my brother is a close 2nd (my words not hers)) She has graciously offered to come stay the day on Saturday and let me get my puppy to the vet and "rest" - and I accepted. She has also said she would take Zoey to her house ---- but those of you who have adopted know you just can't do that. Zoey can't handle change right now. She needs to be secure and this is where she is secure. She can't handle the separation of me or of our house. She feels most secure here and in her bed at night. When she comes back from their house, she is a terror. She screams, cries, has nightmares, won't eat, is CLINGY. She won't sleep at night. She rocks and hums. It breaks my heart to see her do this. I can't knowingly allow this when I know her reactions. So, I am trying to keep her where she is secure until she understands she is "not going back" or not going to have another change. So, whether people agree or not, I will not be as selfish to let her go away knowing the consequences.
On another note - Zoey has other issues from being institutionalized. One is not knowing how to be comforted. She can't be held or rocked. I have tried to grip her tightly to force it --- it just doesn't happen. She was never rocked or held, so she doesn't know how to be rocked or held. I try to spend 5 minutes each night before bed holding her and rocking her. She fights it though. Even when sickly and crying - she will let me hold her upright, but if I try to rock - she is having no part of it. Short of restraining - I don't know what else to do. This is her biggest challenge. Mine too - as I get frustrated with trying to keep her still or settling her down. All other areas - she seems to have adjusted fine. She is chatty cathy these days. Finally gaining weight and growing again. And, has the cutest and sweetest voice. Angel on earth.
Ukraine is moving again and people are finally getting to complete adoptions. I just hope and pray my friends in waiting are as fortunate as me! And, good luck to those about to leave for Urkaine - Christina, Amy and Kelly! I can't wait for you to get your babies and get home!
Good night to all!
October 25 – 7 Months Home
I can’t count anymore. I keep telling people we have been home 8 months – but it is really only 7. But, they have been the most interesting, yet best 7 months of my life. (Minus the combined 12 weeks I had an ear infection and strep throat. And, still managed to care for a toddler.)
November 1 – Still sick and caring for the princess
Well, I went to doctor yesterday and they ran all kinds of test to try and determine what is wrong with me and why I keep getting ear infections, strep throat, bronchial infections, coughing fits and I will spare you with the other diagnoses. I can’t believe I have not been able to shake this. I am on steroids now, along with the strongest dosage and kind of antibiotic available on the market. I think they are giving me a headache – but I will digress if they work. I am so sick of being sick. But, throughout all of this – Zoey hasn’t had anything. I guess a small miracle.
On to the reason you are all here --- I know it isn’t about me anymore. Last night was Halloween and Zoey had so much fun. It was so funny to watch her. I gave her a candy in her pail before we left the house. So, when we got to the first house all hell broke loose when the lady went down to put candies in the pail. Zoey thought she was trying to take her candy – and started yelling “mine!” – “my candies” – I tried to explain the lady was adding candy. She finally let us put the candy in there – and off we went. At the next house – she was a little hesitant. But by the time we hit the third house – she had that pail out front and center. Then, if she didn’t think she got enough – she would grab more. It was very funny to watch. Also, her pail got too heavy for her – but she would not let me or grandma have the pail.
November 5, 2006 – OY! It just keeps getting better around here. Well, I found out I have whooping cough and they also want to check my lungs for “suspicious cultures” as the doctor called it. i.e. – TB. Thank you, Ukraine. Well, I wrote on my blog while in UA that when I went to that hospital – I was sure to leave with more than I arrived with.
To make matters worse – I have medication I need to take – but can’t take it because it makes me heavily drowsy and sleep a lot (which the doctor said I needed). But, since my mother can’t leave my daddy (even though he is hunting and camping) – I have no one to come help with Zoey – hence I can’t get better. It really sucks. I miss my nanny. She was a God-send. I miss her so much. I wish for once in her life my mother would help me when I needed it. (I know you all are thinking she did with the 3 months in UA ---- but that was her choice to go.) Anyway – to other single women thinking of adopting – make sure you have a network ready and available when you need it. My back-up plan was family – but I find out when it is really needed – no one has time or can’t be put out.
Back to Zoey – off my soapbox. She cracks me up. I have been teaching her to say “please” when she wants something. She is now able to tell me when she wants more of something. She starts screaming “I want more!” repeatedly. Today – I asked her to give me a flashlight I was hunting down. She kept telling me “NO!” – and the chase was on. Finally she stopped – turned around and said “say please”. I cracked up. I guess it is a 2-way street now. Her other favorite saying is “I don’t want it” – that is to up to anything including a nap. Which today – she got out of because I was too coughy to deal with. But, she got an earlier bedtime! WooHoo. I was able to get 3 more loads of clothes done. Oh – I forgot to mention. She has kind of a little accent – so her voice is so cute and she enunciates words so succinctly - it is so funny.
I took Zoey to doctor last week. Hallelujah, thank God. She is in the 5th percentile (previously has not even made the chart). She weighed 23lbs and was 33.5 inches tall. And, size 18 months are too short for her – so we graduated to a 24 month --- but pin the waist. Overall – she is healthy. But, she has had a nagging cough for time – and today while she was coughing – I prayed that she does not have what I have. It is harder on a child.
Zoey continues to do well at school. I think that is where she is really picking up the vocabulary skills. Some of which I wish she wasn’t learning. She has also taken to being mean to the puppy. Which I keep on top of her about that. I don’t know why – but she feels the need to ride him, sit on top of him or pull his ears. I spanked her today for it as time out was not working – and she kept doing it. Poor dog. I would show her to love the puppy – which she would do ----- then when I turned my back – she’d be on top of him – smiling away.
Also – I am highly annoyed that she calls me Jenny or Jennifer. Since everyone calls me that – and no one to call me mommy (but me). She tells me “bye-bye Jenny” at school. When I pick her up “Jenny – where you be at?” “Jenny – where go?” It cracks me up – but annoys me at the same time. It doesn’t help a lady at the school that teaches her is named Jenny – so its fresh on her mind. Funny – when she cries or wants something --- it is mommy.
November 7, 2006 – Fast forward a few days. Zoey is full-blown sick. Tonight she was driving me absolutely crazy. She cried, screamed, hit, was clingy. I just fed her – bathed her and put her to bed. Crazy times! My antibiotic is finally kicking in --- but I still am tired.
I guess this has been a whining log. Next month – I will give the 411 on Zoey that I was going to do this month --- but I just need to get better. With that – I will update in a few weeks.
Today – Zoey and I (and Grandma Linda) have been home 6 months! I can’t believe it. There are times I look at her sleeping and try to remember my life without her. She is such an amazing little girl. She always has a smile on her face – and truly loves life. 90% of the time she is in her own little world, singing away at the top of her lungs – which cracks me up.
We took a road trip to Houston this weekend to meet up with some fellow adopting families from Texas. It was so good to meet the people I have been emailing with for the last 2 years. I also got to see my college roommate, her husband and her 3 kids! They are all just beautiful. I have been trying to get to Houston for years to visit – but had too much work traveling going on. The trip down to Houston was not that bad --- but coming back, Zoey wanted no part of the car seat. She has learned to get out it and I had to pull over 3 times and put her back in. Which made her crankier and me more stressed. We couldn’t get home fast enough. All in all, it was a good weekend – but no more road trips for baby.
I really have to tell you all --- I still can’t believe I have this child. There are days I need a break of course, but she really is a good kid. But I think about what her life could have been, and then I think about her bio brother and what his life is like. My heart aches for him and I try not to think about it. It is beyond my comprehension why God chose her for me. And why I was chosen to be her mother. A half a world away and he brought us together through a miracle only he could make happen. It was not coincidence. It was not fate. It was a pure act of God.
I got accused of not updating enough. So I will try for once a month now. Especially with Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas coming up! I am excited about Halloween as her costume is so cute! Stay tuned……..
Well, I started back to work on August 7 at my old job. My resignation was somewhat painless. I am going to miss a lot of people there --- but not the long hours and inflexible environment. I had lunch with one of the partners who was not very supportive in the beginning – but he let his guard down today and really asked informative questions about Zoey and her previous life – which showed me he is still human – but worried about the bottom line nonetheless. I left my job on good terms and am glad I did that. My last day is on the 25th – which is ironically our 5 month anniversary home! I start my new job at 7-Eleven as an IT Compliance Manager on August 28th. I am looking forward to it.
Princess Zoey and I are rocking along. I am learning (the very required) art of negotiation with a 2-year old. Negotiating skills people --- not winning skills. I like to be the winner in these battles – but Zoey screams and cries louder. So, I have learned to negotiate and she actually understands and reminds me of my promises.
September 7, 2006
I am now two weeks into my new job and all is well. Hopefully it will be the right fit for my new lifestyle. I do leave every day at 4:30 and pick Zoey up by 5:15. That is nice. We come home, eat then play a while. Lately, the weather has been really nice in the afternoons that we can actually enjoy playing outside without sweating like pigs. I am just having a hard time adjusting back to work. I really enjoyed my time off. It was the greatest time in the last many years for me. I am glad I got to spend time with Zoey. I just wish I could afford to go part time or maybe win the lottery (which I don’t play – so that won’t happen) to be home more.
Zoey is getting better at the day care thing. Initially, she cried, but now she clutches my leg for a while – then sits in her chair for breakfast. Her vocabulary is expanding and last night she went on the potty by herself. The big girl potty – not that baby potty (as she calls it). She has also picked up the fine art of whining and “mine”. Guess it is a little give and take.
I can’t believe we have been home over 5 months. Zoey seems like she has been here forever. I spend a lot of time laughing at her – and some time being frustrated. She is a strong-willed little girl. And doesn’t take no for an answer. She is willing to dish out the “no-s” but does not want to hear them from me.
I think all eyes are on Ukraine these days, as are mine, seeing what happens over there with the new adoption authority. I would love for Zoey to have a sibling. But, it will be some time before I start the process again. I want to enjoy her right now.
I am all excited about Christmas for Zoey this year. I can’t wait. I have already started buying stuff for her. I plan to get one big gift and 3 to 5 smaller gifts. I think the big gift is going to be a car she can drive in. (and try to run me over as we all know she will). Then, I already got her an art desk and Mr. Potato head. I may get a wagon and that is it.
Zoey is growing and thriving. And, I am very fortunate and blessed to have such a healthy little girl.
And this kid cracks me up. Her vocabulary is expanding daily. She amazes me at how much she understands. Although - that doesn't necessisarily mean she listens to me. She really has not grown much since the last posting - but her hair is growing something mad. I have photos of her first tie-up. She actually will wear the rubber bands in her hair for most of the day.
Zoey hit her terrible 2's with a vengeance. She is constantly testing me. It is a good thing I got my parenting magazine this month and on the cover "Taking back the control from your Toddler" -- now how is that for timing (ha ha)? Of course - I started reading the article (I needed it that bad) - and all the bad behavior - my princess is doing times 10. And, of course I have tried their "methodology" - but let's face it - I am learning the hard way there is no compromising with a 2-year old. Especially one my mother has prayed for to torture me (which she does). Linda gets such a kick out of all that Zoey does to me. (hits me on head with toy (knot and bruise to prove it), pours her plate on the floor, mean to the dog, get into stuff she knows she shouldn't, and my favorite - she colored my flat-screen monitor, etc. - you get the drift) I am glad I can provide amusement for Linda - since she is back to napping these days.
We started swimming lessons last week - but the water was so cold Zoey's lips turned blue. It was an outdoor pool and 100 degrees on the days we went. I took her two days - and we haven't gone since because she is too cold and shivering to try to swim. I don't know why it was so cold. We are going to try tomorrow - and if the same - we will not go back.
Zoey starts Mother's Day Out this week. I am kind of excited for her to be around kids. And, I plan to start working out on those days. Currently, I only get two days workout - while she is at story hour.
All is well at Casa Hanks. We are moving along and bonding well. Even though she tries my last nerve, I have become very attached to this little girl. I truly see the miracle that she is each time I look in her eyes. I love her laugh, her blabbering, her kisses, her smile - everything. Truly the best thing I have ever done in my life.
As you can see - after 1 year - I still have not figured out how to post photos right. Here are some more. The quilt was from a lady my mother knows and she had no idea Zoey's room color. It was so perfect!
What a busy May is has been! The month in a brief summary. On May 6, we had an adoption celebration for Zoey (kind of like a baby shower). It was such a nice time. I got to see all my friends who I have neglected over the last few months. And, Zoey got a lot of cool stuff!
Then, I had my first mother's day - of course Zoey didn't know what it was. But, Gramma got a rose bush for Zoey to give to me - it was sweet. I also got a much coveted gold charm bracelet that I have been wanting for years from my mother. It belonged to my dad's mother - and she collected charms from various countries her and my grandfather traveled to. All in 18 or 24 carat gold. I wish I had collected charms from the many countries I have been to so I could add to it.....but there is one I will get for sure. Ukraine - because I hope to give this bracelet to Zoey someday. Maybe she will add to or we will add to it when I start taking her around the world!
Yesterday was my baby's 2nd birthday. Again - she really didn't know why for the previous two days people were singing her a little song - but she "sang" along. We had a birthday party and invited a few friends she has met. We didn't do anything extravagent - as I figure next year - after seeing other kids and having a better understanding - she will want something bigger and grander. Maybe not.....
What else? Well, I got a nanny as I realized I needed a break. It has been the best thing and we just love Ruby. She is a true gem! She comes for 5 hours a day 4 days a week. So far - so good. Also, I am finally letting Zoey go spend the night with Gramma and Grandpa. That is all my dad wanted for his birthday - and quite honestly - it benefits me. I will get to go out and stay out late if I want to. I am still nervous about it --- even though I need a break sometimes -- I still miss her or feel "like I forgot something" when she is not there.
Also, we have now been home two months and Zoey is very well adjusted. No more head banging, rocking back and forth, nail biting, or other nervous habits. She is sleeping well at night - but is still refusing the naps. She fights the naps - and maybe gets an hour at most. Oh well...
I had to get myself an excel spreadsheet to track my appointments and other scheduling items as I got so busy lately. I use to wonder what SAHM's do all day --- I will never ask that question again.
Here are some photos of Zoey from Mother's Day, Adoption Celebration and her birthday!
Well, so much is happening – and all so fast. Time is flying by. Zoey is growing. She is still underweight and under-height --- but her HAIR is growing. : ) She is coming into her own too. Miss Priss has an attitude and it is very strong willed. She is living la vida loca in Rowlett, TX. I finally got her some play equipment for the back yard – now I can’t get her in the house. She loves being outside.
We are both adjusting better now. Mommy has finally asked for help from family and friends to watch Zoey while she has “alone” time --- and that is helping so much. For the first few weeks – I was afraid to let her out of my sight ---- not now. It is a much needed break. I was literally spending 24X7 with her and it was tough. Plus, I wasn’t getting anything done around the house. And, still haven’t done my taxes! But, it is much smoother now. Also, she starts Mothers Day Out in June for 2 days a week. That will be an awesome help.
We have Wednesday play dates with my friend Kitsy. We usually take our two girls out – this week the Dallas zoo. Kitsy’s little girl Kate is 2 months younger than Zoey. There is such a huge difference in their developments, but Zoey will catch up soon I am told. Also, we are going to start playing one day a week with my friend Gladys and her little boy. (Geez – I am never going to want to go back to work.)
Most other days, we go shopping, strolling, playing at the park, or playing in our own backyard. Zoey is starting to play more with her toys and books, whereas before I don’t think she really knew what to do. But, it is fun to watch her. It is also cute to watch her discover new things (bugs, animals, books, etc) --- she squeals with delight when she sees something new.
I love having her here --- she is so much fun. She and Spencer have hit it off really well too. And, they are fun to watch. They are still sharing food. (much to my chagrin) Gramma and Grampa came up to visit this weekend and Zoey had fun spending time with them.
We have a big week coming up. Monday Zoey goes to doctor for bloodwork. Then, we are going to Zoo on Wednesday. Then on Thursday we are meeting a partner from work, then also with the Garland ISD over some help for Zoey and her speech delays. Then, Saturday is our baby shower. So, going to be a busy week.
Check back soon. I will post pictures and updates periodically.
It is Saturday April 1 - one week home!! And it is 7:20am and Zoey is still asleep. I was able to get a luxury shower this morning. (i.e. – I shaved and got to use soap) Now, if I can get this silly dog on the same schedule – we are in business. I am primary caregiver to a toddler and a dog – who knew they would be somewhat similar. (crud – as I write this – Spencer is barking meaning Zoey will awake soon – gotta type fast)
1) they get up early and want food
2) they are jealous of each other and both want my attention (uh – there is one of me – you both have to share – no biting the other please)
3) they follow my every move (I have learned to crawl up the stairs so Zoey can’t see me when she is in bed – if she does – it is over for me (am I a bad mama or what?))
4) did I mention they get up early?
Zoey is adjusting well for the most part. Three big problem areas are naps, eating and the dog. (it is 7:40am and she is still asleep – this is huge – we usually get up between 5:45 and 6:15 – which makes for a long day) She fights the nap kicking and screaming, literally. (that of which she did not take yesterday which is why she is probably still asleep) But, twice now she did not nap and there was hell to pay at around 5pm. Bedtime at night is so easy - I just bathe her and she dries off, brings me a book to read, then gets in bed. I love it! Also, we love to kick, bite, hit, and pinch the dog. (who just takes it laying down) We are working on “loving” the dog (i.e. kisses and petting). So when I am watching and she knows it – she puts on a display of kissing and petting the dog, but if she thinks I am not watching – she pinches, hits or bites him. Also, if he jumps in my lap – she gets jealous and grits those teeth at him – then proceeds to be mean to him. Oye…..
I saw what they fed her at the orphanage (soup, oatmeal, bread) – and she ate like there was no tomorrow. NOW – she snubs everything. Miss Priss thinks we are serving filet mignon here at Casa Hanks – how wrong she is. Mama is almost vegetarian – the only meat we have here is chicken. I cooked a good meal last night and she did eat it all – plus more. (it was balsamic chicken with carrots, bell peppers and asparagus (which she loves)) Maybe she knows she hit the jackpot and doesn’t have to eat those foods from the orphanage days anymore? Who knows. I am proud of her and Spencer for sharing. He let her take food from his bowl (to which she said yuk) and she throws hers on the floor since she found out he camps out right under her highchair and will eat anything.
The last few days in Kiev were busy but mostly uneventful. The plane ride home is another story. On the 3.5 hour trip from Kiev to London – Zoey slept from the time we taxied until 20 minutes later. Then – she was up screaming and crying. They say it takes a village to raise a child – well it takes the first 12 rows of a 737 to shut a kid up mid-flight. Everyone got tired of listening to her – so they just passed her around. She racked up on snacks too!
Then, came the long flight from London to Dallas. This child had only had the 20 minute nap ---- again it takes a 767 and the first 18 rows, plus all the flight attendants taking her when they had breaks to shut her up. She was a terror. Everyone started coming up to me and asking could they hold her. At first, the flight attendants thought I was a bad mother who could not control her child – then one of them was talking to her and I said – she does not really understand you – she was just adopted from Ukraine and knows Russian. Then – she spread the news and everyone had to come visit. Everyone on the plane knew the little screaming girl in 10G was just adopted. When I walked her to back of plane – people were saying “hello Zoey”. Also – mid-flight – the pilot came and welcomed everyone and especially Zoey from Ukraine. It was funny. When we landed – the pilot came on and said “Ladies and Gentlemen – welcome to the USA and Dallas, TX and a very special welcome to the USA and your new home to Zoey”…of course I cried. Thank God we were finally on US soil (won’t be leaving this country for a while!!!!). I even met a man in first class, who told me the story of him being adopted and how he thought what I did was awesome (we talked for over an hour) --- he called this week to see how things were going and ask me out! This kid is a man magnet!!!!!
Thanks to Gary, Josh and Joseph Ford and Chris Hoegee for meeting me at the airport. It was so nice to see some groupies there. I had family and friends meet as well – and were thankful to see them too!
Zoey is picking up the language so fast. She understands everything I ask her to do. And, she is saying bye-bye, thank you, get (a command to Spencer when he takes a toy or her snacks), mama, give, shoes, no, etc. It is so cute to see her pick up speech so easily given she was labeled as speech delayed. She is learning leaps and bounds and I am so proud of her. (Did I mention she is so smart? She really is!)
She has also taken to my brother very well. They have offered to keep her tomorrow so I can do my taxes, sort the mail, clean the house, etc. I took them up on it! Score!
Just thinking back on what I have been through – Ukraine seems so distant. Everyone said I would forget everything I went through, and really I have. I love this little girl. I know how extremely blessed I am to have gotten a little girl so young and so healthy. Never could I have imagined what a perfect child God set aside for me. I hope those in waiting are as blessed as me in finding a perfect child for them. I will say it again – Ukraine is not for sissies. Patience and endurance are a must. Everyone’s adoption is different, but the country politics and the corruption remain the same. Hopefully with the new administration to take place in May things will get better.
Also, when I got home – I was going through my emails to Cathy. The first time I contacted her was May 22, 2004. I sent her an email and asked about the process and if she could send me information. Zoey’s birthday is May 22, 2004.
I will load some photos from home later. Just wanted to update everyone on the last week.
That means the snow has melted. WE ARE IN KIEV!!!!!!!!!!!! I never thought I’d be so happy to see a city again. (even if it is in Ukraine) Village life is not for me. I don’t even mind that stupid hill – as we are in the same apartment as we were in January. I guess I will recap the last few days for you.
The 10 day wait was by far the slowest time in this whole trip. We passed the time by visiting Zoey each day and staring at the walls. And, talking with all the families who are awaiting court dates.
On Monday the 20th we spent the day getting ready for the birth certificate and passport. We also had Zoey’s going away party. I cried a little. I know it is a happy time – but these ladies appear to love these kids and I know they loved Zoey.
I didn’t sleep at all on Monday night – worried about getting that court decree. So – fast forward to Tuesday the 21st. It was a busy and big day. We get to courthouse around 8am to pick up our decree. We were suppose to review the final copy on Monday – but after a 4 hour wait – were told we could look at it when we picked it up. Oye. So, around 9:30am – the judge told us we could have the decree at 10:00am. Which technically was 11:30. Then, there were errors. OUCH! I almost got sick. I started getting a migraine. If there are any errors, there is an imposed 5-day wait period to correct and rebind the decree. However, this was our lucky day. We took the decree and told the judge the errors and prepared for the worst. She looked at her watch and said – I have time – I will correct them myself. So, she corrected all but 2 of the errors. Then, made a few more. (don’t ask) We finally got the correct version of the decree at nearly 2pm. We had to be so many places before 5pm – and we almost made it – but the legalization office would not wait for us. At 5pm we went to the orphanage to check out Zoey. To my chagrin, the passport office called and said we had to have the birth certificate notarized before they would issue a passport since the legalization of documents did not occur. So, my translator and car left me at the orphanage to get Zoey.
So, we said our goodbyes (I cried when I took her from orphanage, cried when I said bye to other families waiting, cried when her caregivers cried, it was an emotional day) – and had to walk through the forest to get home. Actually, Zoey got a ride on my hip. Linda was surprised to see us as they told us we would have to wait until documents were legalized before we could have her. So, at 4pm I told Linda we would have to wait. Then, showed up with her at 5:45pm. Found out right quick the apartment we were staying in was not kid friendly. She opened every cabinet, touched every knick-knack. Kid could not be left alone for 2 seconds.
Zoey did really well. I cursed the time I had to stay in Dnipropetrovs’k – but it really did give Zoey time to bond with me. She is really attached to me. (My mother thinks too much as she will not go to anyone else now – whereas before she just held out her hands for anyone. She is constantly asking where her mama is and making sure she has an eye on me at all times) She went to bed around 8:30am – but not without a fight. She screamed and cried for 30 minutes till she wore herself out. Then, at 3am – she woke up ready to go. And, would not go back to sleep. She played, sung, touched everything again. (at this point – I was on 7 hours of sleep in the last two days) She finally laid down at around 5am – but was up again for good at 6am.
Did she take a nap – no. She was too busy being excited she had escaped the orphanage. She got a catnap in the stroller to lunch – maybe 30 minutes. I tried to get her to nap after lunch – but after crying and screaming for an hour – no go. So, we left for the train around 3:30pm. She did really well in the car. And, at the train station. We got on the train – she did good for about an hour – then was very tired. After crying for a long time and fighting the sleep urge – she gave in at 7pm. However, our train arrived at Kiev at 11pm – which meant we had to wake her – which meant she thought she was up for play. Oye. We got to the apartment around midnight – and she had to explore. At a little after 1am – I finally got her to sleep – along with myself. That kid has a set of lungs – so much my ears throb when she screams.
Today we went to get her medical exam – tomorrow the embassy. Naptime today was the same. She is just having adjustment issues – that hopefully will resolve when we get home and she is in the same bed every day. Poor little thing has from a strict schedule to chaos. Her sleeping, eating, playing and caregivers have changed – as has her whole life in 2 short days. I do thank God she feels safe with me – else things might be worse.
As we were leaving Dnipro last night, I got such a lump in my throat and tears. We were leaving my baby’s home. And I know we will not be going back there anytime soon. Although I have had a rough time in Ukraine – I do not hate the place. I hate the ways of the country. But, if they were like the US – we would not be over here adopting these wonderful children.
Unless something unexpected occurs – we will be home this Saturday. I am honestly beside myself as I guess in my mind I was resigned to the fact that Ukraine was going to start making adoptive parents LIVE in Ukraine to be able to adopt them. : ) I just did not think I would ever get home. I know it is only 3 months – but they were the longest 3 months I have known.
I am so unprepared for this child at home. I don’t have anything for her (high chair, car seat, monitors, clothes, you name it) except love. : )
Also, in one of my blogs I whined about getting a special favor from God. Well, I already know I got it. Zoey. I love that little girl more than I thought a person could love someone. Today – the 90 days seem so distant.
I will post more photos and update from home when I get there. Until then – get ready to meet the most wonderful child God ever created. (for me anyway) : )
We are suppose to get the court decree on March 21 – next Tuesday. I am so excited. If all goes according to plan, we will get the passport and birth certificate that day (provided we get the decree that morning). Then, pick up Zoey from the orphanage and leave for Kiev on the 22nd on the 6:45am train. Hal-le-lu-jah! Kiev will be a nice change from the village. I will hopefully get the medical exam on the 22nd or 23rd – then have my Embassy appointment set for Friday morning at 8:30. If all goes well and the airlines still have availability – we will be home Saturday evening at 6:30pm CST! It doesn’t even seem real – I am so beside myself to get out of here. If we leave on the 25th – we will have been here 93 days! I still could not have imagined the journey I have been down when I left home on December 23rd. How naïve was I?
I have been sick the last couple of days. My ear infection will just not give and now I have sore throat and coughing – among other sinus problems. I have taken the medicine I was given here – but it is just not strong enough. Something tells me the plane ride home will be miserable. I have not seen Zoey the last few days because I have felt bad. But, mother has gone in my place. Every day Zoey asks where her mama is. I miss her so much – but intend to get back over there ASAP. On Monday – we were going around getting paperwork completed for the passport and BC – and I didn’t get to see her that morning. The caregivers said she sat at the window all morning asking where her mama was and cried. I went at 12:30 after visiting the director – but could only spend 5 minutes with her. She was so excited. She kept rubbing her hand on my face and smiling. Then, when I had to give her back – she cried, kicked, and screamed. I felt so horrible. I did make it for the 4pm visit and she was so excited to see me.
While we were chasing down paperwork – I went and bought some clothes and a stroller (in the waiting time) for the trip home. I got some cool threads – but they will be too hot once we deplane in Dallas. I am going to have to put her in diapers for the trip home. I hope she doesn’t get use to it. I got a potty chair for her – but will only be able to use it while here in Ukraine. I am not taking that thing on the plane.
What else?? Well, things did not go well for all the other couples here at court. The judge did not grant their adoptions. Now, these families will have to appeal to the supreme court of Ukraine. This really is a sad situation here. I have been so torn up – yet thankful for the miracle God granted me. These people have the proper paperwork she requested – she just denied their adoptions. I spoke with the director of the orphanage yesterday and she is upset too. She has to tell these kids who do not understand that these parents will be leaving them. There are now approximately 12 families here waiting to adopt. Those that have been here 2 to 3 weeks without a court date are disconnecting from the children and trying not to attach. It is so sad. My heart aches and breaks for these children and these families who wanted so much to adopt them. Some of these families have been in this process since October and November. Also, in passing the director mentioned there were about 15 more kids about to come off the registry.
I just can’t wait to get out of here and get home.
Hallelujah – Praise God! What a difference a day makes. Yes – you read right. I went to court today – my preliminary hearing was at 11am. There was a court hearing before mine with a Spanish couple who was on court #5. They had more problems (please pray for this couple – they are wonderful people and don’t deserve what they are going through) and on top of that – the jurors were tired of the judge’s shenanigans so they decided to leave. Which meant, my court could not start until they found more jurors. But, the judge went out and found 2 jurors (they worked at the courthouse) and we started around 11:15. We had the preliminary hearing – which lasted about 20 minutes. Then, my translator applied for the real court – and the judge said “why not”. So, at 11:55 we started my “real” court. Everything we heard about this judge was horrible, and some of the questions she asked were weird – but for the most part there was no trouble. The only thing that came up was an address was misspelled – an “o” instead of an “a” in one of the documents – but the prosecutor told her it was a technical mistake as the “o” was handwritten. The court erupted into a battle zone for a few minutes – but that was it. From my experience – my court was long (nearly 5 hours) – but not bad at all. At times – the jurors fell asleep – which I thought was kind of funny. My court ended around 3:40 – but not before the judge had to decide twice if she would grant custody. As she read the statement – and I realized what she was saying – I started crying. This child is now mine. My translator was so nervous all day – to the extent she was driving me crazy with bombardment of questions the judge “may” ask. None of which she did. For the most part – as I mentioned in the previous blog – I just felt defeated. I.e. – I let go. When will I learn?
I cried a couple a times during court when they were talking about how no-one had visited or wanted Zoey. That is so hard to hear. I want this child – I wanted her since she was born. It was as if she were an object and not a child. I have never met Zoey’s biological mother – but I will forever be grateful to her. I will pray for her every night that she knows this child is loved, cared for and happy.
I went to see Zoey after court – and all the caregivers had already heard. They hugged me and were jumping up and down. They said they were sad – but so happy for Zoey. That will be a hard day when I take her from the orphanage.
I have sat here trying to decide if I should post the blog I was writing over the last few days. I have decided I will post as that was what was occurring to me over the last week. To see how down I was over the last few days – to this miracle that was granted to me today. A miracle only God could have orchestrated. Why am I so hardheaded?
If all goes as planned – we pick up the court decree on March 21. Get her passport and birth certificate – then leave for Kiev on the 22nd. Hopefully we can get the medical exam and embassy trip for her visa on the 23rd and leave to come home on the 24th-25th- or 26th – depending on the airlines. More prayers for a quick trip home!!!!
March 10 – The Day After
I went to upload my blog today – and a new person was tending the internet café and he would not let me upload the blog. I will just keep updating until I the regular guy back.
I arrived at the orphanage today only to get sad news. After my court, there were two couples waiting for court. The Spanish couple – to finish their court, and an American couple who was on their third court attempt. I found out the American couple “had more problems” and was not granted custody, and the Spanish couple was told to come back next week because it was so late when the American couple finished. Both couples will have court on next Tuesday. The Spanish couple started their adoption in October – and they are still having problems. For both couples – their problems are with the birth mother search (or so they are told). It is craziness.
All day – I felt so horrible as I knew the American couple had court at 1pm. And, during breaks I spoke with them and knew they were stressed that my court would go too long and they would get put off again. I got such a stress migraine yesterday because I knew we were going so long. I felt horrible. And still do. But, I realize there was nothing I could do.
I am so thankful to God for the miracle He granted me. No one has ever had just one court in this courthouse. The director of the orphanage called my translator and asked what “special” did she do as this had never happened. We did nothing but pray. No thank you’s were given. No begging. Just God and his mighty mercy that he softened this judges heart for approximately 5 hours.
Oddly enough – two new couples came to the orphanage yesterday afternoon and this morning and they had already heard my story. All the translators are wanting my translator’s phone number so they can know what she did. She even told them “we prayed to God”! There are now approximately 10 adopting parents here at our orphanage. Several are single women – and like me – they only got one referral – and it was at this orphanage. We are like one big family and have become so close through the ordeals of court. I will really miss these new friends but we all have plans to keep in touch. Though this has been tough – it has been a great visiting with everyone at play and snack time.
Zoey is a handful. We are trying to prepare ourselves for the plane ride. She is a nosy little girl and a busy body. She goes to everyone else’s play area rather than staying in hers and playing with her toys. She goes to take everyone else’s food and toys. And, she hates being told no. My mom is getting a kick out of me chasing this kid all over the orphanage. Today – I took her back to her groupa – and she started kicking and screaming and trying to get me to take her. When I said no – I have to go – she dropped on the floor and did the kick and scream episode. I don’t know what that caregiver said – but it was stern and she stopped on a dime. I have to find that out before I leave. Anyway – after they took her away – the caregiver came back and told me I needed to spank her. Anyway – I got a kick out of how she communicated this to me. “Mama” – as she took her hand and swatted the backside of another caregiver and said “Mama – to Rada” – she kept doing it till I said hradashol. (OK) Of course, I am not going to spank her – we will do time outs soon enough.
Well, that’s all for now. Hopefully I will be in Dallas soon! I am counting down the days!
That title might describe my attitude. But, maybe not. My court is still scheduled for March 9 – but wouldn’t you know – we still do not have all the paperwork needed. I have left so many details out on my blog – mainly because what we are dealing with here is a troubled environment. I will speak my mind today. This is ridiculous. Linda tells me I need to be positive – but the hoops we are jumping through to please this woman are too high and too many. The prosecutor and board of education said we had all necessary paperwork, have done the proper birth mom search (we have done this 3 times now), have even gathered paperwork we do not need to please the judge, still she wants more. It is never-ending. It is so frustrating as one day – we have everything we need, then the next day – we need something else. ARGH. Also, we found out March 9 is a preliminary court – not the actual court that will count down the 10 days…..NO – I DON’T KNOW WHAT A FREAKING PRELIMINARY COURT IS OR WHY IT IS NECESSARY. I just know it is “required” by this judge – to see the family and make sure all paperwork is in order before the “real” court begins. Never mind we have been working with her to ensure all paperwork is adequate for her. Now I find out I will have to apply for “real” court after the preliminary hearing.
On top of that – may anyone who comes to this country never have to go to the hospital. I have had an ear infection since early February thinking it might just go away. Well, my ears started bleeding and I was coughing up blood and I knew it called for drastic measures. The doctors are at the hospital and everything is all just mixed in. Radiology is next door to the pediatrician, surgery room is next to the ENT, just all random. I actually went to a pediatrician today. But, he turned out to be a decent doctor. I already knew the problems I had as they were recurring and he diagnosed them pretty quick. He concluded my problems were from my nose and throat – which is true as I have bad sinus problems. But, let’s just say they don’t have modern equipment and testing is done using apparatus from the 20s. He used to long needles to stick up my nose to test the sinus cavity – I thought I would die. They took an X-ray of my head (don’t ask) – and the equipment was so scary. But, I had to do this in order to get the meds. I got to keep the X-ray – and it is very interesting. There was a mass in my forehead – and I got scared it was a tumor. But, he showed me it was normal. Whew….. Anyway, there were so many people in this hospital – all like the walking wounded. Some looked like they were on their last leg. After I left – I started freaking about TB – as I have read they have high occurrences here. Joy………….
On top of that (again) – the weather is crazy. One day hot (that’s relative now as 40 seems hot to me), the next day snow, then rain, then snow, then slush, then rain, then it is muddy, then snow again. Today – we have had it all!
Just so I don’t seem as bitter as I might sound, the best thing about this trip is my little precious angel. She is so cute. She is bonding well. She is growing and flourishing. Dr. Yuri was back here on the 6th testing for another couple and saw her again and said she had changed tremendously from when he checked her out a month ago. I know this child is worth the hell I am living. I don’t ever show my irritability around her. I asked my translator to not give me news at the orphanage anymore. I just don’t want her to catch a glimpse of the frustration and disappointment. I had every opportunity to walk away from here and this whole adoption – but I chose to stay for her. And, choose to stay until we go home. I don’t like it. I hate more than anything that this situation has overshadowed the joyfulness of this occasion. Maybe it is my fault for letting the situation and surroundings get to me. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.
But, for whatever reason, I am having to deal with this particular situation. My prayer is I don’t walk away bitter. It is very hard not to be. This whole adoption has been so hard. It took almost 2 years. I had to wait 10 months for the appointment, then it was cancelled and I had to wait 42 days for a new appointment. Then, having to deal with the crap of this region. I know life is not easy and one shouldn’t expect any special favors – but I can’t help but think I am due. I am only human and the feelings I have may disappoint others – but until you have walked in my shoes – no judging. On one hand, God has been very gracious and I am blessed beyond means to have this particular child. She is beautiful, healthy, very active, and exceeds my expectations of what I thought I “deserved”. But, sometimes I think why did God feel the need to test me beyond my limits. He took my fertility. And, I waited so long for this happen – and everything that could went wrong. Why did he feel the need to allow this situation to occur? These days I feel so defeated by this whole event. Did He not think I would appreciate this child? Did He not think I would think she is worth it? Only those who have been through this process would know how it is a whole testament of faith. I had the faith so strong in the beginning – now I feel I just exist day to day. I don’t mean to sound like I am whining (but maybe I am) – I am ready to be home.
I wish there was something exciting to post. But really there isn’t. Today is woman’s day here and everything is closed. I am just hoping all goes well tomorrow and we can get a real court date – and it goes well so we can get home.
I have several blog updates to post - but the internet cafe wised up to what I was doing and now have disabled the USB ports. Ooops - my bad. Anyway - We had court on March 9 - and I am the official mama to Zoey Alyssa Hanks. The judge told me I could not give her back! Mom and I still laugh at that - we think she may have met her. : ) She is such a hard-headed little toot - but you will be happy to know that I have many years ahead of her on the hard-headedness and strong will - so I have won most battles thus far.
We are suppose to get the court decree on the 21st - then spend the day getting the birth certificate and passport. Then, we are planning on leaving for Kiev on the 22nd. Then, leave for DALLAS, TEXAS on March 25th. This whole plan hinges on the judge getting us our court decree on the 21st in the morning. If it is that afternoon - then we might get pushed back a day or two - then have to worry about airline availabilty. But, we are praying we get the decree on morning of 21st.
I will post my blogs about court and following days once I get to Kiev! Until then - Happy Saint Patrick's Day!
Well, let’s see. When I met Zoey on February 6 – she weighed 8 kilos and was 75 centimeters tall. On Tuesday February 28 – she weighed 8.7 kilos and was 78 cm tall!!!!! Look at that – a little growth spurt from love and food. I give her 2 snacks each day – milk, yogurt, crackers/biscuits, and fruit. She loves her food and looks forward to those snacks. She is so cute. I give her raisins sometimes, and I let her pick them from my hand. So, now she tells me she wants raisins or a snack by holding out her hand and acting like she is picking raisins from her hand – then she tries to get my attention. It is so cute. Of course she is smiling and flashing those long lashes at me – awwww – how could I say no? Also, when she knows it is snack time – she runs to the couch and “assumes the position” and is so excited. We get such a kick out of that!
Well, I got news yesterday that my court date is on March 9. I need prayers big time for this date. 1) The judge will soften her heart. 2) She will show up. She has not showed up for some court appointments and has been horrid to people. That is about all I know right now. Also, March 8 is Woman's Day and we have been told people usually take the next day off too. So, I am not feeling too positive about this.
We got a burst of spring last week (it was in the 30s) - now it is snowing, icy and frigid again. We have moved to a new apartment that is much cheaper than where we were. But, the other apartment was better. We are warm and well - so can't complain.
Also, at this new apartment they had scales. I have lost 15 lbs!!!!! Yeah me! That is drinking 2 cokes a day and too many M&Ms to count. So, I am cutting out the M&Ms - to see how much that helps. Yeah me again!
Again - prayers, prayers, prayers needed. God has to intervene for this miracle to occur.
