What is the REAL harm?

OK -- I need guidance. Other's thoughts. Someone to tell me to get over it. Or, some reason as to why Zoey needs to sleep in her own bed. Here is the deal. Zoey slept in her bed with no problems until last Christmas -- right about the time we got back from Ukraine. Of course in Ukraine - we slept together every night of the 12 days we were there. We came home - she slept in her bed fine. Then, my parents took her to a Christmas light display - and there was a Grinch display there. She was terrified. That is the reason she says she needed to sleep with me. At the old house - she said he looked at her through the window. (on 2nd floor - and my bedroom was just down the hall) Since then --- I fight with her every night to get her out of my bed. At the new house - her bedroom is upstairs and mine is down. She usually waits for me to go to bed - then comes down and gets in my bed. I was walking her back upstairs for a long time. But, she'd come right back down. Then, repeat. I'd do this 3 or 4 times a night --- then I'd get tired of it. We were both suffering from lack of sleep. The interruptions were causing me to lose a lot of sleep --- cause I have trouble going back to sleep once I am up.

I am to the point where I am tired of fighting it. This last week ---I said to heck with it --- and just put her in my bed to start with. Here are my observations.

1) She goes right to sleep. If I put her in her bed, she comes down stairs, needs water, needs kisses, hugs, to pee, to tell the dogs goodnight, etc. You get the drift. It takes her like an hour to go to sleep. There was a lot of yelling going on with this method.

2) She gets more sleep. Her bedtime is 8pm. She was waking as soon as it hit daylight and basically getting about 7 to 8 hours of sleep. And, was a holy terror. At school, at home, etc. When she sleeps in my bed. She goes to sleep at 8pm --- and has been sleeping till like 8:30 or 9am. THAT IS HUGE. She has never done that.

3) Her behavior is more tolerable as she is not so tired. She doesn't act out. But, she wakes up wanting to know if she can sleep in my bed all night again the upcoming night. It seems to occupy her every thought. She is so worried she will have to sleep in her bed. She asks me about it on the way to school, on the way home, during dinner, after dinner --- it is a constant thought for her.

So what is my problem? She isn't the greatest sleeper. She gets very restless and thrashes during the night and it drives me crazy. Though I have to admit --- since she has been in there the whole night -- it is subsiding. I have a sleeper couch - she won't sleep on it. It is beside my bed. She says my bed is very comfortable. (and it is) Also, I don't want her sleeping with me forever. My parents tell me all the time I slept with them till I was 16. But, I didn't - though I remember being about 8 to 10 and slipping into their room. Be that as it may --- I don't want her to repeat my bad habit.

OK - what does everyone else think. Am I being too uptight? She is 4. I'd like her in her own bed. I am not married or cohabitating. Of course, I still have hope God is going to drop a man in on me someday - so I don't want her there when it finally does happen. :) So, what is the harm? I know it is a security thing with her --- I can tell by the way she sleeps that she feels very secure in my bed. I thought by having Jasmin upstairs with her --- she'd feel better about being upstairs --- but she doesn't.

Also, Jasmin is doing well. She is starting to make friends. She is warming up to Zoey and being a lot more interactive and helpful with her. Some days I want to ship her home (she is a teenage you know) --- but mostly she is a keeper. Really helpful around the house and good sense of humor.

BTW --- My contract company found me work --- so I start on Monday 10/27 working on projects. It is project based work --- which is fine by me --- and the first project lasts for 4 weeks. I just hope they find me continuous work and I can keep it up. I know a lot of you have prayed and I have felt the prayers --- thank you so much!

Happy Halloween.

Pumpkin Patch

We went to the Arboretum today to see the pumpkin patch. It was pretty fun. Zoey had lots of fun dancing and twirling around the park. We went with our friends Whitney and Maria - Maria was adopted from Ukraine in February of 2008. She is cute as a button and Zoey tries to mother her. Calls her baby Maria. It is funny to watch Zoey with younger kids.

Not much is going on. I am still looking for the right job. I accepted a job - then it did not work out due to funding reasons. I am now awaiting news on a second opportunity. Meanwhile - we are just hanging.

September Bliss

Well, summer is about gone. In Texas, that is typically about December weatherwise, but on the calendar, that would be Sept. 21. I will actually say with all the hurricanes we've had -- the weather has cooled down a bit.

All is well in the Hanks household. Jasmin has been here about a month. She is really a good girl - except she doesn't like kids. So, her interaction with Zoey is nil. Which makes for a not so good situation. We are working on this relationship. I hope it gets better. Zoey doesn't understand and just wants her to pay her some attention. Meanwhile, we have gone to the rodeo, bowling, meeting new friends, etc. So, the last month or so has been activity filled.

I can't seem to find a job I like or that doesn't have low to no travel. So, I have decided to venture out into the self-emplyment world. I prayed hard about this --- and it seems to be the door that God is opening wide. So, I will walk through it - while still looking for a full-time position. I am working through 2 different consulting firms. Basically they send a work order with what the job is and how much it pays. Then I do the work. They get a cut and I get a cut. The downside is lack of benefits - so no medical/dental, sick/vacation/holiday pay, disability, etc. But, the hourly rates are higher than I'd get for full-time employment. And, when they don't have work - neither do I. But, since I don't work for them - I can find other things to tide me over if I want. My plan is to save every penny I can for the times there might not be work. This option of work also provides the greatest flexibility. So, I am not locked down 8 to 6 each day - worrying about picking up Zoey. Who knows? It might work out and I do it long term. Keep me in your prayers.

Not much else is going on. We are gearing up for the State Fair. Starts in 2 weeks. Then Halloween. Which I have been informed that Zoey wants to be a princess - "cause I am a princess". So, be looking out for Halloween photos. Happy Autumn.

Summer in Full Swing

I know - I haven't posted in a while. So much has been going on. We have been getting settled in our new home. There is lots to do here in our community - but swimming is #1 with Zoey. So, usually we go swimming 3 to 4 times a week. We go to the parks, ride bicycles, etc. It really is a nice place to live. I hope I can afford it --- as I got laid off from my job this month. Other than having a paycheck come in --- it was not the job for me and I am surprised I lasted two years. From day one --- I knew I had made a mistake --- but tried to make the best of it. So, much of my days are spent looking for a job. I am hopeful to have something soon --- at least consulting work. In my field, there is a lot of travel involved and obviously I can't do that any more - so it is harder to find no travel jobs. But, I feel good that I will find something.

Our exchange student comes in two weeks. We are very excited. We have been communicating by email for a while and she seems like a great girl. Zoey is overly excited to have a big sister for a year. She asks me every day if today is August when Jasmin comes.

I went to NC with my friend Stefanie two weeks ago. It was my first trip without Zoey. I have to admit. I had fun. Freedom for 6 days. I almost didn't want to come home. But, I missed my baby. We had fun at the beach and just acted pure crazy. Girls only. Very fun.

Here is a picture of Princess. And, Brinks and Spencer. And my bed - which I am not in. Cause I can't find room for me. This is why I wake up in a cranky mood. Someone is always kicking, pawing, or drooling on me. You can't see the clock --- but is says 11:35pm.

Hope every one is having a great summer!

So here’s another update for the Hanks household. So much has happened. Where do I start? Well, we got moved into our new house. It was such a whirlwind. My old house sold on March 27 (closed on April 10) and I was in my new house on April 11. We love the new house and all of the space. The back yard is an oasis. We spend a lot of time out there playing. The community has many parks, a water park, swimming pools, fishing ponds, golf, etc. We have lots to do to keep a 4 year old busy.

Zoey turned 4 yesterday – but we celebrated her birthday over the weekend. We had the family at the house for a cook-out, and for her friends – it was Peter Piper Pizza. That was awesome as I had no clean-up. And, Zoey loved it. Of course the party was all Dora. She is loving Dora these days.

I took some time off in March and April --- just to get caught up and get some thinking out of the way. It came at a great time – as the house sold. Anyway, I decided to have surgery done for a life-long problem and went into surgery on Tuesday of this week. I am healing fine and feel good right now. Zoey is with my parents. I go back to work on Wednesday of next week.

Also, during that time – I decided to have a foreign exchange student come live with us for a year. So, on August 15 – Jasmin from Finland will be moving in. Zoey is so excited. Except periodically she gets confused as she has a friend at school named Jasmine and she thinks she is coming to live with us.

I want to adopt again – but right now Ukraine is closed to me. Russia is too expensive (though still my main option) since I just laid out all my cash getting moved in. The house didn’t need many changes to make it feel like mine – but I had to have wood floors installed where there was tile. It was a huge area of white tile and after a few weeks – I couldn’t stand how dirty they got. The wood floors were finished on Tuesday of this week and they are beautiful. We are home.

That's our update for now. Stay tuned. I will have a teenager living with me in 2 and a half short months.

Spring - 2 years Later

Well, I wrote an update last week - and my computer crashed (or I might have fell asleep at the keyboard). Nonetheless, I lost the write-up. March is a very special month in the Hanks household as the 9th is Zoey's gotcha-day. The 21st was Zoey's last day at the orphanage, and the 25th we arrived home. I cannot believe it has been two years. The time is just flying by. My baby is a young lady now. A girl - no longer a baby. (tears, tears) How did this happen? I find myself going down the baby aisles at stores - refusing to let her grow up. She will be 4 in two months. So young, but growing up too fast.

Meanwhile, I think my house finally sold. They are doing the inspection today and we close next week. I have to be out by the 12th ---- and I still don't have a house. Zoey asks me every day "Did you find our new house yet?" I think she took it seriously when I told her we might be homeless. She was more concerned about the TV and her toys - what would happen to them? I do think I have found the house I want --- but not sure how soon the people can get out. If they want to sell (like I did) - they will get out fast. :) Hopefully, I can get into my new house, then start the homestudy process again and get going on my next adoption. Where ever it might be from. I am still not sure what country I will go to. Hopefully Ukraine will mellow out and I can go back there.

Easter was good. My parents came up and went to church with me and Zoey. Then, we met my brother and his family for lunch. It was a quite day. (well, that might be a little exagerrated but we will go with it)

How's Moose doing? Who's Moose you ask? Well, that would be Doberman puppy Brinks. He is so huge, we have nicknamed him Moose. He is a big ole baby stuck in a 100lb body. He is so strong too. He basically just nudges Zoey and she falls over. It is so funny when she tries to tell him to behave.

Speaking of which, Zoey got on the scales 2 days ago and weighed 26.5 lbs. She has weighed 24lbs since December 2006! I am so ecstatic. She loves Taylor Swift these days - and tells me daily she wants to be Taylor Swift. At least she is a good role model (though she does say a few bad words in her songs that Zoey emphasizes when she sings).

Not much else going on. Happy Spring to all.

Jennifer and Zoey

As you can see, I am doing a little modernizing to the blog. I will try to add more videos later. Meanwhile, tonight after Zoey got out of the bathtub, Goma called (since she could talk, she has called my mother and daddy Goma and Gopa). She wanted to talk to Goma - and as I was picking up stuff, I turned around and this is what she looked like.

Mykraine, Ourkraine, Ukraine

Well, I promised an update on our trip to Ukraine – so here goes a month after the fact. (HEY! Life Happens) Anyway, Zoey calls Ukraine Mykraine. But, when we got to Ukraine and met up with friends it was Ourkraine. She tells me it is “Yourkraine”. It is so cute to hear her justify whose “kraine” it is.

We had a great time – but it was a hard trip. Actually, it was an awesome trip. Zoey and friend Peter did exceptionally well on the trip – all things considered. The trip was hard, fast, frustrating and emotional. But the kids handled it with such grace (as much as 3 year olds can!)

I decided I have a love/hate relationship with Ukraine. I love the country, its people, my friends there, the kids, the architecture, the culture…….but I’m not so in love with the ways, means and bureaucracy to get things done. The basic, ordinary, day-to-day ways of life are so difficult. And, it is really expensive there now – which creates more problems (not just for visitors, but for those living there). It is a sad/hard way to live.

Zoey and I left on December 4 and met with my friend Stefanie and Peter in New York. We then flew from JFK to Heathrow – then on to Kiev. Long flight, but the kids slept some and really acted well. We landed in Kiev around 1:30 on the 5th. My wonderful friend Bogdan met us at the airport and took us to our apartment, which was very nice. Really close to the city center.

We spent a few days in Kiev visiting friends and wondering around seeing the sights. The, on Saturday morning we left for Dnipropetrovs’k. We arrived around noon and Stefanie’s friend Denis picked us up and took us to an apartment near the orphanage. We unloaded our stuff then went to the orphanage. It was so awesome. Tears were flowing. Everyone remembered us and the kids and could not believe we returned. One of the first persons to greet us was the woman who brought Zoey in the day we met. She couldn’t believe how much she had grown. We spent some time with the Director. Then, went to visit the groupas. I couldn’t believe that a lot of the same kids from Zoey’s groupa was still there. Most of the same caregivers were there too – but some had left for other jobs since the number of kids at the orphanage has declined due to fostering. We had a great time visiting that day.

On Sunday, we got up and our goal was to see if we could track down Zoey’s birthparents and do some shopping. We went to the last address I had for them, but were told they were in the city. (for who don’t know --- I made contact with the birthparents about 4 months after returning from Ukraine in 2006 and have made one other contact with them in April 2007) We left a phone number for them to call us, but I never expected to hear from them. After leaving there – we went to do some searching for Stefanie and Peter. Then, we went to an art bazaar and did some shopping. By time we had done all the running around --- it was around 4pm. Since it was so late, I suggested we look for a place to eat – then we could just go home and not have to worry about food. So, we tracked down my pizza joint in Dnipro – and it was still there. We were enjoying the meal – when Denis’ phone rang. It was Zoey’s birth parents. They wanted to meet me. They did not know Zoey was in country and I was not going to tell them. Anyway, I started getting nervous. I had left this to God. My biggest question that never got answered was – did the birth mother want to know how Zoey was doing over the years. Or, did it hurt her to know. I wanted to know and hear for myself. Deep down, I have had mixed feelings since hearing the reasons Zoey was given up. You know these stories are never easy – but part of me tormented myself over the whole situation. Anyway --- my mind was racing as we were driving to meet them. That was the longest 15 minutes ever. The driver dropped me and Denis off at a McDonalds (public place) – then he took Stefanie and kids around the block and parked. As Denis and I were walking around – I was scanning the crowd. He didn’t know what they looked like, but I did. When I spotted them, a lump came up in my throat. As I walked toward them, I think they recognized me from some pictures I left for them earlier in the day. The birth father immediately shook my hand, but the birth mother held my hand, as I did hers for the longest time. She just starred at me and me at her. I never fully imagined what to expect, nor ever thought what I would feel. It was such an emotional visit. We spent an hour talking and I got more details about them, their families, and Zoey’s birth. I will forever be grateful for that hour with them. 5 minutes after meeting them, I knew they were good people. And, I knew I would let them see Zoey. So, as we were leaving, I asked them if they’d like to meet her. They did. When they met her – the birth father cried openly, but the birth mother cried silently. Just tears falling from her face. I was crying, just seeing them all together and realizing the magnitude of what was happening. Zoey didn’t understand why I was crying, and thought the “man” had done something to me. It was so overwhelming, but I am at peace now. The birth parents are very happy she is with me, they are happy she is in America. And, they want to know how she is growing and what she is doing. And that makes me feel good.

The next day, Monday, we went back to the orphanage, and the daytime caregivers were there and we got to see mine and Zoey’s favorite caregiver. She screamed when she saw us. She was so wonderful and I am glad we got to see her. We took the kids fruit and yogurt for their snacks and took some toys and shoes that Stefanie had collected.

All in all, the trip to Dnipro was worth every bit of hardship we experienced while in Ukraine. I am so glad I met the birthparents and see the caregivers again. We got up early Tuesday and went back to Kiev and wound up taking it easy. Wednesday, we got up and went to visit my friend Bogdan at Orphanage 12. We got to see all the improvements they had done there. It was incredible the changes that were made since the last time I was there. After the visit, we left for the airport.

I am so glad we went to Ukraine. I am thankful for the many friends I have made there. The weather was even half way decent. A little cold, but no snow. However, I think next time we will go in the spring.

Photos from Ukraine

With our favorite caregiver at BH#1













With Luba, my translator from adoption

Zoey eating "hot chocolate"

Maui, New Puppy, Halloween oh MY!

Ok - so it has been a while. It just seems life catches up with you, then you get behind, then you get way behind trying to dig out --- then the task seems overwhelming. Life with a sassy, defiant, but charming 3 year old is never boring. Nor is it all that easy doing it alone. But, we take it a day at a time.

What has happened in the last 3 months? Well, princess woke up one day and said "I poopoo on the potty now" --- and we have never went back. That has been about 2 months now. I am over thrilled. Don't know the deciding factor for her --- but it was night and day. I was sick of poopy diapers. Now, of course --- the challenging side of all this is her fascination with EVERY public bathroom in the world. If anyone even says a word close to potty - she has to go. Though, some times she just wants to go and touch everything and see how grossed out and fussy I get.

We went to Maui in September. Had fun, but a little challenging (like the positive spin I use with this word?). (what I really want to say is traveling with a toddler on an 8 hour flight with no nap is like having a root canal, hysterectomy, and lobotomy without anesthesia --- -but I didn't want to sound so negative) I swore I'd never get on another airplane with her again........but like adoption paperwork, adoption waits, and 93 days in Ukraine - you soon forget the pain. (Or, did I miss the lobotomy?) We are headed to Ukraine in 3 weeks. I have been wanting to see my sponsored child in Kiev and visit friends. So, off we go. We are going with my friend in NY and her little boy --- and we can't wait to see them too. Gonna be an adventure with 2 toddlers on a 9 hour trip. Back to Maui - it was so awesome in lots of ways. The first time Zoey had waves come across her little feet --- she just giggled and screamed --- I got little tears just thinking where she came from and how well she has adjusted.

In early October - we got a new addition to the family. Brinks, our new doberman puppy. I think he was born bigger than Zoey is now - and now he about towers over us. And, he will only be 3 months old next week. He's gonna be big. But, we love him. The first couple of weeks were tough - he used Zoey as a chew toy --- but we have got him diverted now. Of course Spencer (my older cocker spaniel) probably has it out for me. I know he is thinking...... "first, the kid; now the puppy"!

Halloween was fun. This year - Zoey knew what to do and what to expect. It was fun watching her get the loot. Funny thing --- when she'd go to a house she'd say "trick or treating". She insisted on taking two bags, so we had the drama of which bag the candy goes in. Oye!

As for the adoption of #2 - I am putting that on hold for right now. I have been trying to sell the house - but with all the mortgage problems - things aren't moving these days. I did get an offer and waited it out --- but the buyers backed out 2 days before option period was up. So, right now we are taking a break. I know I am going to move --- so I will wait to see how things fall out before I start the process.

While in Ukraine - I will be blogging - but probably with no pictures till I get home. I am hoping for a fun visit. Since there will be no pressure from adopting or the sorts, it should be great. We are going back to Dnipropetrovs'k - to take the kids to visit the orphanage. I can't wait to see everyone there. I just can't believe it has been almost 2 years since I left for my adoption. My time flies.

Happy Thanksgiving to You all! More updates later.

Photos from Halloween and Brinks

Hands on Hips - her famous pose












Zoey and Brinks



















My angel at Halloween

Photos - Maui

Zoey in Maui














Zoey and Goma ready for the airport













Family at the Crater

Where Does the Time Go???

I can't believe today is August 1. Just yesterday it was May, Zoey's 3rd birthday, then surgery. (I had a complete hysterectomy for medical reasons on June 11 - but recovered really fast) I had 6 weeks off work for recovery (5 weeks of which rain fell all day). I had big plans to take Zoey to the water park and Zoo --- but it rained too much. So, basically I got a lot done around the house. I have my house on the market and hope to sell soon. I have found several houses I love and but have to wait until mine sells. I am going to move forward with the adoption of a second little girl after I get settled in to a new place. I have decided I am going to try Ukraine again. That is where my heart is and where my baby's heritage lies - so I have high hopes for her sibling to share that bond. So, off we go again! Once that time comes - I will open a blog for that child - because I am keeping the blog logs for their memory books.

Zoey meanwhile had her 3rd birthday check up. She is 24.4 lbs and 35.25 inches tall. My doctor says she is doing great and healthy as they come. I wish she weren't so stinking tiny. Potty training is not going that well. She will do #1 on the potty - but not #2. Also, she has a tendency to be hard-headed and just not go "cause I didn't want to". Her standard answer to anything these days is a roll of the eyes, shrug of the shoulders, and a "cause I didn't want to". Funny how when she has to go to her room and think things over - she all of a sudden wants to do whatever is being asked. How do they become so stubborn at 3?

Also, she comes home frequently and tells me she has a brother or sister. It changes daily. I always correct her and say sister. I don't think she really understands what a brother or sister entails (i.e. -- she will have to share me, her toys, her puppy, etc)

Here are some recent pictures. She is growing up before my very eyes.

Zoey wanted her picture taken in front of the flowers in the driveway on Sunday before church. I told her let's wait until mommy cleans out some weeds --- she didn't want to wait. How cute is this kid?

Picture Time

My friend Gladys and I took our kiddos to a 4th of July event near the house. It was a nice day - despite the downpour. It let up enough for us to take the kids to play a little.

Random Thoughts

You know - I have been involved in the adoption world for about 3 years --- and every six months it is something different. (Now the wait in line to submit dossier, quotas on the number of adoptions per year, singles can’t adopt, and parents can’t be 45 years older than the child.) My rational thinking can't reconcile why it is so hard to adopt kids - especially when there is such a need. (this doesn't just apply to Ukraine)

I also struggle with the what ifs (what if I had come home while waiting for my appointment; what if I had my appt on Dec 27, what if etc.....) I almost told the NAC on December 30, 2005 - I would come home and wait for an appointment. I know I never would have received one if I left the country. And, I'd be caught in the singles chaos. And, I wouldn't have the most perfect child on earth! :) It saddens me because I was hoping to get a sibling for Zoey from UA - so they would have the same heritage --- but it appears if I want a sibling - I will have to go to another country.

I get so upset when reading about the quota for dossiers and everyone having to update paperwork for the 6 month rule - which will most likely time out because of the waiting game. I can't believe it has come to this. What's more - I know and have seen the conditions these kids live in and though it varies --- it is mostly the same. Lack of attention, good nutrition, stimulation, love, healthcare, etc. I know some orphanages try their best --- but with all the kids and their needs – they usually don’t get met.

I have been researching other countries for Zoey a sibling. I hope to start the process soon after my surgery. Even with that – it will probably be late 2008 or early 2009 before I bring home another child. That will be fine. I am hoping for a girl – so I can re-use Zoey’s old clothing and toys --- but I am open to a boy this time. My first country of choice will be Kazakhstan, then Russia next.

God answered so many prayers for me (Praise be to HIM) while I was waiting for Zoey. Prayers I never knew he answered until I met her. (that she be taken care, fed, loved, happy) I believe her orphanage caretakers did the best they could with what they had. So, I pray now that he is with my next child to protect them before she/he gets to their new home and family.

Zoey is thriving. She just turned 3 – and her birthday party was rained out. So, after I am back up and feeling 100% - I am going to have a little party for her. We did a family thing - but nothing fancy.

May Day! (yes, that is an SOS call - and it is May)

Well, I was going to go private - but several of you griped about logging in - fine - I will keep the status quo. A lot has happened since the last time I blogged. We had Easter, our first plane ride since coming home from Ukraine (which I keep telling myself is the last - but low and behold I go booking more trips), and graduated to the 3s in preschool. WooHoo!

Last year at Easter - Zoey didn't know about that looking for the thingee -- but this year - sister fought for the eggs. She cracks me up. My cousins 2 kids came to my parents house and we let them hunt eggs, and Zoey decided when they set their baskets down --- that she had found more eggs (and you know a fight ensued). Anyway - was a nice day.

The weekend after Easter we went to Cincinnati, Ohio. We met up with our friends the Bottos from Kentucky (they live about 5 minutes from CN) who adopted a little girl out of Kiev and the Senkiw-Krebs family. Stefanie adopted Peter from the same orphanage as Zoey. We had an awesome weekend and it was so amazing to see how much these kids have grown and changed since Ukriane. I spent the night with the Bottos on the first night, then we met Stefanie and Peter at a resort for the weekend. This was a great place. They have an indoor water park - HUGE. We took the kids --- and Zoey loved it. She still talks about the plane ride and water park.

The plane ride was an adventure in itself. Miss Hudini managed to get out of the seatbelt no matter how we strapped it. And, for grins - we screamed and kicked the seats in front of us. We cried. On the way back - same thing. Acutally, a guy in front of me turned around and asked "Have you heard of Benadryl?" Yes sir I have - it has the opposite effect on her. Man - "You haven't found the right dose - keep trying". If I wasn't so stressed - I would have thought that was funny.

What do I do --- come home and let a friend in Ft. Lauderdale talk me into coming to visit. So, next weekend - we try this again. This time --- I am taking a car seat. I am excited as we get to visit with the McCues and Blancos. The McCues adopted in the same region as us - but different orphanage --- and Lourdes adopted a little girl in Zoey's orphanage. Should be fun.

Also, in preschool Zoey is moving up. She will be in the 3's class starting on Monday. Zoey will be 3 on May 22. So, we are having her party on the 26th at a local waterpark. She is so excited.

Things are rocking along. It is mighty tough being a single mom. Being the sole discipliner. Being the sole income provider. I never knew in my wildest dreams how hard this was going to be. Some times I feel so overwhelmed. I wish for the life of me I had time each day for me. I am still trying to figure out how I can do this --- but right now no solutions. If anyone has advice - I am open to hear it. How can I make her play by herself and "get off me" -- she has to be up my rear every minute we are together. It is so hard.

Zoey is very strong willed and if she doesn't get her way --- a meltdown ensues. A friend of mine saw a meltdown today - and was like "girl - you better get a handle on that!" Geez - I know and I am trying to be consistent - but I got my work cut out for me. Some days I am just so tired I just walk away.

Will write more later and post some photos - but want to ask other parents and make sure can post their kids with Zoey.

Happy Memorial Day!

Jennifer

Going Private

I am going to be restricting my blog to only readers that have permission. If you are still reading this blog and would like to continue, please let me know by e-mailing me at jhanks16@tx.rr.com and letting me know. I will start this in about a month. If you are family, friends, or a friend of the family that likes to keep up, please let me know. I will need your name and e-mail address and will send you information on how to log into the blog the same way you did before only now with a password.

One Year Home

On March 25, 2006 - Me, Mom and Zoey stepped off a LONG flight at DFW to a welcoming crowd of friends and family. I was already in tears after landing --- I could barely contain myself. I was happy, tired, stressed, nervous - and ready to get to my house. I am working on writing up the "real" last year. Meanwhile, here are some pictures of my precious baby - who is becoming a big girl.

Photo from our First Day

A VIDID MEMORY

The day started like any other. Except this morning it was rise and shine at 7am. I was already up since I really couldn’t sleep that night. Lyuba (my translator) had left to go get the city inspector to sign the papers so we could enter the orphanage. She said she’d be back “soon”. I showered, and then went to find breakfast for mother and me. It was minus 18 degrees that morning – so cold, yet I don’t remember feeling the weather. I was numb from the “what ifs” and unknowns about the child I was to meet. My nerves were shot. I was worn out from all the waiting. The whole process up to this point had weighed me down. I didn’t know how much more I could take. (little did I know) I went to a store we had found the day before – but they were not open. I looked for anything to be open – but at 8:00am not much was open. I took a different route back to the apartment – and found some street vendors selling breakfast items and wound up getting some pastries. Which were very tasty.

Mother and I ate – then we watched BBC. Nothing earth shattering – the minors in WV were still being analyzed as to what happened. So, we just waited and waited and waited. Played some solitaire and waited some more.

About a little after 9:00 am – Lyuba came back and said we would need to do a little “negotiating” to get a signature today – versus next week. So, we all loaded up and went to get the paper signed. It took 5 minutes. Then, we were off to the district inspector near the orphanage so he could approve us to enter the orphanage. (at a higher negotiating fee – I might add) Fast forward through the muck of negotiations – and we were allowed to go to the orphanage – which was less than a mile from there.

I remember driving up thinking how drab. It looks somber. Then I saw some little play areas and statues – that brightened up the place. None of it really mattered. All I could think about was the child I was about to meet – and all the time I had waited – how she was a child who needed a home – how I was a mother who needed a child. How God had brought me here – to this child. How I would react if she wasn’t what I “expected”. How selfish I was. How long this day was. It was now about 11:15. The car stopped. So did my heart. Lyuba turned around and sternly said “come on”.

We entered the orphanage – more drabness. Lyuba asked where the director’s office was and we followed a lady to the office. It was upstairs and there were two chairs in a waiting area – so mom and I sat down. Lyuba talked with the director – told her we were there to see a child. She then came back and waited a bit with us – then was called back to the director’s office. Mom and I started seeing kids come by, screaming, laughing etc. Here is the conversation:
Mom: That’s her.
Jennifer: No, that’s not her.
Mom: That’s her.
Jennifer: No, that’s a boy.
Mom: I know that’s her.
Jennifer: That child has blonde hair and blue eyes.
Mom: Maybe her hair got lighter.
Jennifer: “eyes rolling”

More minutes passed. It seemed like an eternity. Then, I see a lady in a white robe (orphanage doctor) walk up the stairs. She is holding a baby – who looks kind of scared. But me? I get the biggest lump in my throat, I let out a gulp and burst into tears. Her referral photo was not much to look at – but her eyes were the dead give-away. I knew that was my child. Linda heard me and started crying too. Lyuba ran out and said that was my baby. And, she had tears in her eyes. I stood up – and walked toward the director’s office – then she summoned me to come in. I just could not take my eyes off of Zoey. The doctor asked would I like to hold her. OF COURSE! Zoey came to me easily – didn’t cry – just sat on my lap. I gave her some apple juice and a cookie. She ate them so fast – mom and I were startled at how fast she consumed them – then was looking for more.

Since we got there so late – it was nearing lunch and naptime. But, they told me I could come back that afternoon. We left the orphanage – went to find a nearby apartment. I told Lyuba immediately – start the paperwork. I knew this was my child.

It has been a year to the day since I met Zoey. Time has flown by. Yet I can remember every day of the 93 I spent in Ukraine waiting and trying to get my baby home. Yes, there were days I slept 20 hours – but I remember everything that happened in my sleep.

I would also like to say Congratulations to the McCues ---- as I was going through my first day with Zoey – they were going through the same thing with their daughter Rachel. They had different circumstances – but they had their own set of nerve racking things to deal with. We both came home with incredible baby girls.

What a year. What a blessing. Thank you God for bringing this child into my family’s lives.